The Cries of URUK

The Brides plea.

 

 

The Cries of Uruk

Dust, dust that almost covered the entire kingdom of Uruk

People, people plea for the Gods to end the painful stroke

The King, the king savors virgin blood with his lord’s rights

New brides, new brides that suffer the pain of King’s lusty nights

Young man, young man agonizing over the King’s mighty games

Death, death and wounds that brought the kingdom more flames

Oh hear us, oh hear us, Oh Gods hear our cries.

Let the King realize our tears, our souls, and our wounds

Let the King stop this retribution and hide us from the endless hounds

Our dreams were shattered,

Our bodies relentlessly battered,

Oh hear us, Oh hear us, Oh Gods hear our cries.

4/28/2013 Marc Marlon Villaflor

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

URUK is an ancient Kingdom (Now a modern day Iraq) ruled by King Gilgamesh a dime-god.

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A rallying poem that charges off the page in its mystique and telling of the tale of this ancient city.

A couple of small suggestions:

New brides, new brides that suffer the pain of the King’s lusty nights
Young man, young man agonizing over the King’s mighty games
Let the King realize our tears, our souls and our wounds
Our dream was shattered,
or our dreams were shattered.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow, lol I oversight those "s" thanks Mr. John you are always here to support me. Thank you. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are welcome Marc, another enjoyable poem you have given us.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again Mr. John :)

[Trigorin]

Really not bad. I like the use of repetition and the tone is appropriately reverential and mournful. You've eliminated all the awkward phrasing that I've seen before and as a result this is very well done. Good work.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Tri :)

[Riley Bray]

Interesting poem in which a wonderful and somewhat hidden story is told. My only suggestion is to take out the repeating of the first two words in most of those lines, for it sounds odd that way, especially since there is no punctuation. In my opinion, the exception to that is the line, "oh hear us, oh hear us, oh gods hear our cries." Another good one Marc!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Riley thanks for the reads :)

[Riley Bray]

No problem! :)

[Ken Simm.]

Your interest an research transported into art. This has the epic feel of authenticity.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ken :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this, has a kind of Keats feeling, good use of a classical source. done well !

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Leslie :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

No need to wax poetic in review of this fine historical saga as you have already done that for us, Marc. Nicely done. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir :)

[Pax]

oh a very nice take on the ancient people ~ you bring us into this perspective that we see also in the present times... seems like bad karma keeps on repeating throughout the history.... Great work kabayan!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax :)

[Ency Bearis]

Once again you brilliantly presented your forte in mythological poetry and nicely done. Great work Marc, the use of repetition of words add impact to the poem.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ency :) for the wonderful review.

[Ency Bearis]

You're welcome Kabayan

[Holly Mason]

shattered dreams create the dust that is covering this kingdom
eventually the hounds will not see through the dust
God hears the cries he will prepare his kingdom for the coming of troubled souls so they may rest in beauty and peace....these words are elegantly written
this is my favorite of yours ever
touching my most sacred reading spots-I hold them close I truly do
thank you fine sir truly

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Holly appreciate your kind thoughts in this piece.

[Rita L. Sev]

Great poetic storytelling, Mark; i like your use of repetition. It adds an urgency to the piece. Great write!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ms. Rita happy to hear your valuable insights :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nicely done..this isn't my genre...but you have done it well...good flow to the write, good movement.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jacob your words always an inspiration. :)