The Cries of URUK

The Brides plea.

 

 

The Cries of Uruk

Dust, dust that almost covered the entire kingdom of Uruk

People, people plea for the Gods to end the painful stroke

The King, the king savors virgin blood with his lord’s rights

New brides, new brides that suffer the pain of King’s lusty nights

Young man, young man agonizing over the King’s mighty games

Death, death and wounds that brought the kingdom more flames

Oh hear us, oh hear us, Oh Gods hear our cries.

Let the King realize our tears, our souls, and our wounds

Let the King stop this retribution and hide us from the endless hounds

Our dreams were shattered,

Our bodies relentlessly battered,

Oh hear us, Oh hear us, Oh Gods hear our cries.

4/28/2013 Marc Marlon Villaflor

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

URUK is an ancient Kingdom (Now a modern day Iraq) ruled by King Gilgamesh a dime-god.

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A rallying poem that charges off the page in its mystique and telling of the tale of this ancient city.

A couple of small suggestions:

New brides, new brides that suffer the pain of the King’s lusty nights
Young man, young man agonizing over the King’s mighty games
Let the King realize our tears, our souls and our wounds
Our dream was shattered,
or our dreams were shattered.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow, lol I oversight those "s" thanks Mr. John you are always here to support me. Thank you. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are welcome Marc, another enjoyable poem you have given us.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again Mr. John :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Interesting form. The repetition was a unique idea, I'm not sure if i absolutely loved that or not...but I do like the imagery and the flow of the piece. This is a story within a poem, which I quite enjoy. I always seems to learn something from your writing.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot GF your kind words appreciated.

[Imara]

I love the repeatition and the begging of help from God. Can't really say to much more, excellent story telling here. Great job

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Imara glad you like the piece. thanks a lot.

[Frieda P]

I seem to always get a history lesson of sorts with your work Marc, nicely pen'd....and gets under the skin this one.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Frie, I love to incorporate the legend,myth and classic story in my work. thanks for the reads friend.

[Mother Maggie]

When I was younger (teens and twenties), I would have been the young bride with the blade ready to trim off the lust of the disgusting out b*****d---the royal line would definitely be abruptly cut off.

Very good piece, it managed to get under my skin and piss me off.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol if you are in that time stamp maybe you cut already Gilgamesh power lol ":)

[redflutterby]

The shame that monarchs inflict upon the women they use for their personal lust. Very well written Marc!!!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you very much Red :)

[Nick.B]

And yet life still goes on, nobody knows him, everybody busy with their businesses, how to make money, greed and all loss of joy disappeared(sorry got carried away with this one) anyway great job

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) appreciate your valuable insight bro. :)

[gombeggar]

ahh, gilgamesh

[Muse]

This made me think of Brave Heart. I liked the random rhymes, the rhythm was smooth. I took note that you used John's suggestions below. Nice work!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi TCL thanks a lot for the reads, yes Mr. John always support me, lol he is always there. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I have some problem in tenses I usually made a mistakes, but thanks for Mr. John it its helpful he identify it all the time.

[Muse]

I try to be constructive...but my sarcasm usually gets in the way.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) Yes we're not perfect maybe that the way you expressed yourself well :) but everyone has flaws and it is ok. and Mr. John suggestion below is my original work he happens to correct the tenses. :) no need to worry about me.

[Muse]

nope no worries..and no I'm not sorry. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[A. H. Pinley]

I nice way of putting a historical stamp to the piece. When I read this I thought of Mel Gibson's film "Apocalypto". Nice write!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Si A.H :) I love also this film and some of the scene was shoot in the Philippines my country. About Uruk I just give a voice for the brides and young men who used by the king, King Gilgamesh a dime-god king of Uruk once a playful king but the Gods created Enkidu to correct this mistakes.

[A. H. Pinley]

Thanks for the time stamp. I really enjoyed the piece.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) welcome Sir.

[B-poet]

I like the enchanting depth you've displayed here. Who'd ever thought that the kingdom of Uruk had been marred by such treachery and emotional distress of the king's people. Great job illustrated this. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads Bpoet, your wonderful insights is much appreciated.