The Eyes of Doom

The eyes will always be there and justice will prevail.

 

 

Spitting fire, burning the cosmos, striking chaos.

Succumb in darkness, agonizing pain, living in vain

The fall, the faith, the hate in the end you will regret

A promise of forever, but it is like a cancer, the principle that brought us fear

Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad.

An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries

How many souls must die, serve as a sacrifice to continue this lie?

Throbbing space has bursting emotions of odium, creating a horrific doom,

Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise,

Swallowing one’s goal, deep into the realm of truth,

fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy,

The ocean will be the perfect place, for the dark fighters demise.

Reviews

[Imara]

Could this be about the Boston Bombing? "An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries." A sad moment in our history, may he rest in peace.
On your actual poem. I think it should be broken up more. Where a lot of your second commas are I would delete make a new line and let it flow. Don't let them pause to think. Just keep it coming. Then about your fourth or fifth comma put a period. However that's just for flow and reading not actual grammar. On actual grammar I don't see any spelling mistakes.
Your poem is very powerful and I love the meaning behind it. It gives me hope that in the midst of all this darkness and evil justice in the end will win. Awesome Job :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot Imara, now I learn things from you :) lol I appreciate and value this stuff. I will try to re-write it soon. Thanks a lot.

[Imara]

Welcome ^^ I can't wait to read it :)

[Androglossia]

Your poem is dark. But the truth it holds is pitch black. Awesome concept.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Maryanne :)

[Jesse_Evans]

Awesome man! Well written.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

An excellent tribute to Boston! This has a passion and a very strong and determined voice to it of defiance.
A couple of gramatical suggestions:
Spiting fire, burning the cosmos, striking chaos
Succumb in darkness, agonizing pain, living in vain
The fall, the faith, the hate in the end you will regret
A promise of forever, but it is like a cancer, the belief that brought us fear
Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad
An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice,
died for your obscure cries
How many souls need to die, be a sacrifice to continue this lie?
Throbbing space has bursting emotions of odium, creating a horrific doom
Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise
Swallowing one’s goal, deep into the realm of truth,
fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy
The ocean will be the perfect place, for the dark fighters demise.

These are fine lines indeed Marc:
Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad
An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice,
died for your obscure cries

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads Mr. John and I am thankful for your support.

[Mother Maggie]

We, as poets, have the unique ability to express pure emotion, pure truth, in written word. This you have done quite eliquently and quite well. I tip my hat and raise my quill to you

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Maggie :) appreciate the reads.

[Riley Bray]

Haha, the eye scared me a little. As for critisism, the fourth stanza's first line is strange. "How many soul need to die, being a sacrifice to continue this lies?" I think you need to change soul to souls and this to these, (or lies to lie if you want to keep tge word this). Overall nice poem!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Riley :) appreciate the suggestion. thanks for the reads.

[Riley Bray]

No problem. :)

[Pete Langley]

A moving and evocative piece, Marc. The grammar did not detract from the message. Well done, mate. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Pete :)

[Rita L. Sev]

A powerful poem about recent events. I am moved by the line: "An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries..." So sad, so true. Great poem, Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ms. Rita, appreciate your precious time reading this piece.

[gabrielle]

"Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise."
I had this certain person in my mind- he appears to fit your description in this poem. This is a powerful write Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol :) really who is that? hahah Thanks Gab for reading. :)

[gabrielle]

just bluffing. ..^__^.. 'twas my pleasure.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Stella Armour]

The eyes never lie, no matter how hard we try to cover the truth, i especially like the final line Marc..

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Stella :) for the reads.

[Ency Bearis]

Good storypoem and with the use of alliteration. Impressive and interesting notion and to the truth of it. Thumbs up Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ency :) I appreciate you precious time Sir. :)

[Ency Bearis]

My pleasure you're welcome