The Eyes of Doom

The eyes will always be there and justice will prevail.

 

 

Spitting fire, burning the cosmos, striking chaos.

Succumb in darkness, agonizing pain, living in vain

The fall, the faith, the hate in the end you will regret

A promise of forever, but it is like a cancer, the principle that brought us fear

Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad.

An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries

How many souls must die, serve as a sacrifice to continue this lie?

Throbbing space has bursting emotions of odium, creating a horrific doom,

Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise,

Swallowing one’s goal, deep into the realm of truth,

fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy,

The ocean will be the perfect place, for the dark fighters demise.

Reviews

[Imara]

Could this be about the Boston Bombing? "An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries." A sad moment in our history, may he rest in peace.
On your actual poem. I think it should be broken up more. Where a lot of your second commas are I would delete make a new line and let it flow. Don't let them pause to think. Just keep it coming. Then about your fourth or fifth comma put a period. However that's just for flow and reading not actual grammar. On actual grammar I don't see any spelling mistakes.
Your poem is very powerful and I love the meaning behind it. It gives me hope that in the midst of all this darkness and evil justice in the end will win. Awesome Job :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot Imara, now I learn things from you :) lol I appreciate and value this stuff. I will try to re-write it soon. Thanks a lot.

[Imara]

Welcome ^^ I can't wait to read it :)

[Frieda P]

Having seen Jacks review on the live feed, I don't usually like to read what others say, as I don't like to sway my take on the piece, I have to echo his sentiments, you are growing in leaps and bounds before our eyes. Your sword has slain this kraken quite stunningly, Kudos my friend, killer last line!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Frie :) you really know what the message behind. :) thanks for the reads my friend.

[Frieda P]

Always my pleasure to read you. :-)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[KAin]

I'm more of a storyteller than a poet, myself, so I'll bow to superior wisdom on this, but I'd personally change the end of line 5
"the blast that makes the world sad"
To something like 'saddens the world' or 'darkens the world'.

Very abstract, but very evocative, too. It seems almost like an incantation for a spell.
But maybe that's just my hypercaffeinated mind-set.
May require a few edits, but I like it!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Landred, but I have a format which need to follow the rhyme of the succeding words that is why I sacrifice the right structure. Thanks for your time reading my work.

[Jack...]

So true this is and so well written. Marc, you seem to grow with every passing day.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jack you always my inspirations :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

The eyes will always be there and justice will prevail.