The Eyes of Doom

The eyes will always be there and justice will prevail.

 

 

Spitting fire, burning the cosmos, striking chaos.

Succumb in darkness, agonizing pain, living in vain

The fall, the faith, the hate in the end you will regret

A promise of forever, but it is like a cancer, the principle that brought us fear

Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad.

An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries

How many souls must die, serve as a sacrifice to continue this lie?

Throbbing space has bursting emotions of odium, creating a horrific doom,

Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise,

Swallowing one’s goal, deep into the realm of truth,

fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy,

The ocean will be the perfect place, for the dark fighters demise.

Reviews

[Imara]

Could this be about the Boston Bombing? "An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries." A sad moment in our history, may he rest in peace.
On your actual poem. I think it should be broken up more. Where a lot of your second commas are I would delete make a new line and let it flow. Don't let them pause to think. Just keep it coming. Then about your fourth or fifth comma put a period. However that's just for flow and reading not actual grammar. On actual grammar I don't see any spelling mistakes.
Your poem is very powerful and I love the meaning behind it. It gives me hope that in the midst of all this darkness and evil justice in the end will win. Awesome Job :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot Imara, now I learn things from you :) lol I appreciate and value this stuff. I will try to re-write it soon. Thanks a lot.

[Imara]

Welcome ^^ I can't wait to read it :)

[B-poet]

Riveting and powerfully intriguing. I'm adding this to my library. Great write. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir :) glad you enjoy.

[gombeggar]

interesting ideas and visuals here...needs a re-write

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I will consider it thanks Gom. :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

Love this! Definitely a dark write and so true about Justice, you cannot hide from it forever.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Lori, your insights is wonderful thought I treasure. Thanks a lot.

[Inda]

This seems to me to be about the dark side of religion and the more i read it the more i thought that's what it was; which i happened to agree with, if this wasn't the purpose, then i missed it completely. Either way great flow and a great piece!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. :)

[Leslie Philibert]

this is a dramatic word picture, full of strong imagery, enigmatic maybe, from style it evokes a wall of dark imagery, well written, like the last line a lot. Just one small point, do you mean spitting ? and if you capitalise a line you could put in a period in the line before.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Leslie :) maybe I just oversight the words. Thanks for the reads.

[Pax]

in this crazy world justice is just as elusive as cancer ~ money talks kabayan, when that happen ~ truth falls into prophesy then it takes dacade or more for truth to come out agian ~ a powerful write ~ a bit dark and well written!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax :)

[Ees]

sacrifice implies purpose. (just a thought that I had as I was reading)

"fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy "- love that line. Sometimes maybe it is.

I found some of this poem confusing. I didn't know where is was going or what your aim in writing it was. That isn't to say that it is bad, it is just saying that I am not sure that I get it.

But it did make me think as I read it and that is really a great thing. I like things that make people think!

Nice job

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads :)

[SimpleMind]

A very dark piece indeed... but it's brilliant Marc! it's like a reflection for society itself, so good and all!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Simplemind, :) thanks for the reads.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Ah your use of narrowed fields within texted wording releases the reader to guide themselves in the narrative, well done, good read.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir.

[Lexi Richard]

I feel like the more you read this the darker it gets, very well written, I like it a lot!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Lexi :)