I packed my bags heading to the elevator
This pain has eaten my soul and I don’t want to stay anymore
My tears already dried in winter’s morning
I want to start my new life and forget you and everything
As I walk through the empty space holding my baggage
Can’t figure out what life could bring in this torn page
I know my life will always be part of you
Even if I am no longer part of your tomorrow
Home, so many years I believed we could put together
Home, I thought would settle our dreams
forever
But now that home is just a cherished memory
In this moment, I am walking out of your life and I am free
Sad memories almost shred me into pieces
Years of undying love I gave to you that nobody can replace
I am moving out, don’t look for me
Forget me, as I don’t want to stay
Home, this is our broken dreams we can’t re-create
Home the place I thought we could breathe
Home that always brought new promises
Home that forever in my heart I will miss
Home that I left because of downfall and infidelity
Home that witnessed all the pain inside of me
Home where you and I no longer belong
Home, a broken home, where our love is no longer strong
Very intense emotions and gripping inner struggles expressed in this work. The title portrays what is basically the "heart residence" and when that is gone "home" goes with it. A unique and creative way to put them into words, the effect is truly sad and tormenting.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Ate Cyn :) glad you like, I couldn't agree more separation is always settled in heartbreaks.
Marc, once again you touched my sensitive heart with this personal poem of yours. This is your 3rd work which I want to keep in my library. I like the thought of this piece- broken home...a broken family resulted from your admitted sin.
However, like what I am doing when I love the piece so much, I look at the other qualities of it. But I will only give few suggestions on some lines which I think you just have an oversight...
"Can’t figure out what life’s could bring in this torn page"----Can’t figure out what life could bring in this torn page (life's ----life)
"I know my life is will always be part of you"-----I know my life will always be a part of you (is ----not needed)
"Home a broken home where our love no longer strong."-----Home, a broken home where our love is no longer strong." (is ----will complete the statement)
I hope that these could help. I really like this one. Thanks for sharing this, Marc.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Dhaye :) I really appeciate your support a truly Police with a good heart lol :) thanks glad .. read moreThanks Dhaye :) I really appeciate your support a truly Police with a good heart lol :) thanks glad you will love my poem.
This was an amazing work. Very touching with an intensity that is rare, I could feel it move with my heartbeat. There was only one line that broke the flow a little. "I know my life is will always be part of you." But there was imagery that was absolutely heart wrenching. My favorite line was "My tears already dried in winter’s morning." It's packed with imagery that sets the tone so well in this write. Excellent job and thank you for sharing.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I am glad you felt the intensity of this poem, thank you very much for your precious time reading th.. read moreI am glad you felt the intensity of this poem, thank you very much for your precious time reading this piece.
This piece I dedicate to Mr. Gerald Parker the "Wiseman" as he always remind me to write stuff that based in human experienced. Also, to all my friends around here in WC.
Mr. Jacob thanks for the precious review can you revert where I made a mistake? thanks a lot for you.. read moreMr. Jacob thanks for the precious review can you revert where I made a mistake? thanks a lot for your precious support.
11 Years Ago
there are many spots...recheck your grammar for subject/verb agreement...often the number in your su.. read morethere are many spots...recheck your grammar for subject/verb agreement...often the number in your subjects aren't matching the number in your verbs. example "as I walks"
stuff like that...which can be easily cleaned up.
11 Years Ago
Thanks I will do proofreading again, thanks a lot for the support.
Wow this poem people can interpret it to be a lot of things, such as some one leaving there love in a situation that did not work out , or moving to a different place. I loved it, a great piece you have here. Keep up the good work
~Your friend Res
"Home, that you and me no longer belong,
Home, a broken home where our love's no longer strong." Such a sad sentient, that a failed relationship does so much more damage than just broken hearts. Some "mechanics" could use tweaking, but a great poem for its content and feeling.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Ms. Rita glad you enjoy this poem :)
11 Years Ago
Can you revert the "mechanics" I want to know if it is ok for you? :)
DIFC Dubai International Financial Center, Dubai City, United Arab Emirates
About
I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..