OK, I need some guidance from you, Mark. On what aspects of the poem would you have me comment? Here are your choices: Emotional, Material, Form, Grammatical, Context, Sensory, Substance, Message, Audience, Vainpraise. Please, let me know. Thanks.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it .. read more:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it big time. thanks for the honest thought you have.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
11 Years Ago
Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of ch.. read more Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of childhood on its head while at the same time castigating and miscasting color into an arbitrary place holder for biased philosophies of good and evil. How's that? :)
Yes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important asp.. read moreYes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important aspect of the feedback.
11 Years Ago
I interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1.. read moreI interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1 month now I am writing and I don't have a good background in poetry, so I have a long road to go. I tried so many style in writing as you observed I wrote a lot, also some short story. This comment will helps to build a more promising portfolio and I value every single comments I got, bad or good it solidify my chance to become a good writer someday. :)
this piece made me smiling... all the characters of the fairytales are here... even the one in the movies is here... you've mixed them up in perfect harmony, no conflict to each protagonist... i enjoyed your playful write kabayan... your indeed growing in your imagination... keep it up!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Pax for the kind words, I just it a try :) lol I am glad you like it too. Cheers!
This is absolutely stunning, Marc! I loved how you married all the Disney Fairytale Characters and spun your own twist in the mix. This really took me back to my childhood, even early tween years, reading faerie tales, that you so eloquently weaved some enchanting yet dark imagery into this write. I love writings/poetry that take me away for a bit and in this write, you have done an outstanding job! Thanks for sharing and Pen on! *favs.*
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Barrie Joy, I appreciate your time reading my work.
11 Years Ago
you're very welcome, it was a pleasure to read, Marc, happy writings :)
This piece has a lot going on. I found myself hopping from image to image and in turn thought to thought. I like the fairy tale imagery, and I often use historical or fantastical figures in my own writing, but I tend to keep it to one or two references. When you put too many of them in there are once the reader sometimes has a hard time following. My suggestion would be to choose one or two "heros" to battle your dark witch. This would also allow you to play a little more with imagery and metaphor.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks I will to shape it up next time :) Thanks for the review.
Marc you are such a brave writer to tackle such subjects when your first language is not English. A few observations to improve on a wonderful fantasy:
The cosmos of fantasia suddenly awaken-The cosmos of fantasia suddenly awakens
Snowhite embed the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart-Snowhite embeds the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart
Explosions comes after a split seconds-Explosions come after split seconds
Okay my head is all over the place with this one...fairy tales, war & peace, rescues, youth, escapism and happy endings, you've got everything except Robin Hood in this one....woo, lot to take in here. I guess it's still a story of darkness being overcome by light or good, fancy way to get there, intriguing read Marc.
Lol :) thanks Frie, I just try to write some new stuff :) thanks for liking it. though I am not sure.. read moreLol :) thanks Frie, I just try to write some new stuff :) thanks for liking it. though I am not sure about the this, I am just a trier lol.
11 Years Ago
Hey, that's what we all do, try...that's where the muse takes you, you take the journey, I had a few.. read moreHey, that's what we all do, try...that's where the muse takes you, you take the journey, I had a few odd trips myself lately! My pleasure always :-)
OK, I need some guidance from you, Mark. On what aspects of the poem would you have me comment? Here are your choices: Emotional, Material, Form, Grammatical, Context, Sensory, Substance, Message, Audience, Vainpraise. Please, let me know. Thanks.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it .. read more:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it big time. thanks for the honest thought you have.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
11 Years Ago
Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of ch.. read more Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of childhood on its head while at the same time castigating and miscasting color into an arbitrary place holder for biased philosophies of good and evil. How's that? :)
Yes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important asp.. read moreYes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important aspect of the feedback.
11 Years Ago
I interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1.. read moreI interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1 month now I am writing and I don't have a good background in poetry, so I have a long road to go. I tried so many style in writing as you observed I wrote a lot, also some short story. This comment will helps to build a more promising portfolio and I value every single comments I got, bad or good it solidify my chance to become a good writer someday. :)
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About
I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..