Kicking Dark Witch

Tinkerbell,Peter Pan,Snowhite,Huntsman and Rapunzel v.s the Dark Witch

 

Running steed ridden by a headless warrior,

Flowing dark clouds dim the forest core,

The Evil Dragon spite fire to the realm of the magical forest,

Send off all princess and fairies lost into the haze,

 

The Dark Witch hexes, raising her hands into the sky,

Thunder and lightning strikes from a distance mile,

The cosmos of Fantasia suddenly awakens,

All fairies and princess frightfully shaken,

Precipitously skies glistening, soaring Tinkerbell and Peter Pan,

Gear up for war is Princess Snowhite and the Huntsman,

Now the Dragon stumbles and blinded because of Tinkerbell,

Dark soldiers crushed by the hair of Rapunzel ,

Peter Pan does all the runs, circling the Witch and tied her by his hand,

Snowhite embeds the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart,

The Huntsman slashes the monster body and breaks her apart,

Explosions comes after split seconds,

The Witch and her evil creatures vanished for good in the fairies  land.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

OK, I need some guidance from you, Mark. On what aspects of the poem would you have me comment? Here are your choices: Emotional, Material, Form, Grammatical, Context, Sensory, Substance, Message, Audience, Vainpraise. Please, let me know. Thanks.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Wow! seems you are an expert, whatever your mind speaks and your heart feel I will appreciate it big time. thanks for the honest thought you have.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Ah, well, if you don't need anything specific then how about this: it turns the innocent side of childhood on its head while at the same time castigating and miscasting color into an arbitrary place holder for biased philosophies of good and evil. How's that? :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Fine :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am glad you said that :) it really helps.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Yes, all well and good but how have you interpreted what I said? That may be the more important aspect of the feedback.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I interpreted it as good, a balance one, from there I will learn to accept the truth, It is almost 1 month now I am writing and I don't have a good background in poetry, so I have a long road to go. I tried so many style in writing as you observed I wrote a lot, also some short story. This comment will helps to build a more promising portfolio and I value every single comments I got, bad or good it solidify my chance to become a good writer someday. :)

[Pax]

this piece made me smiling... all the characters of the fairytales are here... even the one in the movies is here... you've mixed them up in perfect harmony, no conflict to each protagonist... i enjoyed your playful write kabayan... your indeed growing in your imagination... keep it up!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax for the kind words, I just it a try :) lol I am glad you like it too. Cheers!

[ms. barrie]

This is absolutely stunning, Marc! I loved how you married all the Disney Fairytale Characters and spun your own twist in the mix. This really took me back to my childhood, even early tween years, reading faerie tales, that you so eloquently weaved some enchanting yet dark imagery into this write. I love writings/poetry that take me away for a bit and in this write, you have done an outstanding job! Thanks for sharing and Pen on! *favs.*

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Barrie Joy, I appreciate your time reading my work.

[ms. barrie]

you're very welcome, it was a pleasure to read, Marc, happy writings :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) let's kicking Barrie Joy, lol :) happy writing too.

[ms. barrie]

lol Marc, what are we kicking? thank you, maybe soon again :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Kick a*s writing :) lol sorry for the words. lol

[ms. barrie]

lol. not doing any writing. need new light bulb. no problem, heard worse curse words :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) really? IKEA is nice place to find good bulb. :)

[ms. barrie]

don't live near one :) the store that is. kind of liking the dark though, probably need to Sim :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Aha :) are you in UK?

[ms. barrie]

no USA

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

You are in Florida?

[ms. barrie]

reality wise, yes

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Good place, love the place. But never been there, if I think florida maybe because of the orange.

[s y e]

Great job, well written. I enjoyed it.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks :) N.H glad you like it, though it is random :)

[s y e]

Haha random is good..... in my books anyway xP

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Yeah, I am also have a random thought hhehhhee

[s y e]

Hahahaha yay!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again! :)

[s y e]

Welcome!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This piece has a lot going on. I found myself hopping from image to image and in turn thought to thought. I like the fairy tale imagery, and I often use historical or fantastical figures in my own writing, but I tend to keep it to one or two references. When you put too many of them in there are once the reader sometimes has a hard time following. My suggestion would be to choose one or two "heros" to battle your dark witch. This would also allow you to play a little more with imagery and metaphor.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks I will to shape it up next time :) Thanks for the review.

[Sami Khalil]

A great fanciful write...Pen on...:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Ency Bearis]

A mind boggling, thought provoking, story poem or fairy tale of sort that can be apt for children. Various presentation that what I can say.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ency :)

[Ency Bearis]

You're welcome.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Rita L. Sev]

Finally, someone has taken down that Wicked Witch! A fun and fanciful idea, executed well in this piece.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ms. Rita, I just give a try :) thanks for your time.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Marc you are such a brave writer to tackle such subjects when your first language is not English. A few observations to improve on a wonderful fantasy:
The cosmos of fantasia suddenly awaken-The cosmos of fantasia suddenly awakens
Snowhite embed the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart-Snowhite embeds the golden dagger to the Dark Witch's heart
Explosions comes after a split seconds-Explosions come after split seconds

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. John :) lol I just try new things :)

[Frieda P]

Okay my head is all over the place with this one...fairy tales, war & peace, rescues, youth, escapism and happy endings, you've got everything except Robin Hood in this one....woo, lot to take in here. I guess it's still a story of darkness being overcome by light or good, fancy way to get there, intriguing read Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol :) thanks Frie, I just try to write some new stuff :) thanks for liking it. though I am not sure about the this, I am just a trier lol.

[Frieda P]

Hey, that's what we all do, try...that's where the muse takes you, you take the journey, I had a few odd trips myself lately! My pleasure always :-)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

;) lol thanks friend.