I like the parallels of the tempestuous in clouds and in love making, but I have to admit the poet in me jars at your lack of care in some of your lines, which damages the overall quality of the piece. You have a very active imagination, Marc, but you really need to pay more attention to editing to achieve that extra BOOM! Sorry. P.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Aha thanks Mr. Pete can you revert which part of the lines ruin the work?
I thought this was going to be a cute poem when I read the title and saw the picture until the "Lick my n*****s" thingy, lol. You got me on that! That was unexpected. I'm not going to worry about your meter because I for one is a sucker for that so I'm just gonna say this is the cutest sex poem I've ever read:D
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Lol Thanks Maryanne it is just an experiment :) glad you like it. :)
OK. First, Line 4 should be "Like cotton candy"
Line8 "Make me your property"
Line 10 "-More i need before we rest" (request? naaa)
Line 12 "Now ablaze your body stays" (gets not poetic)
Lines13 &14 should be switched round
Lines 15 "Billow! Let your clouds form" (Please? naaa)
Line18 "Wild your groans grow, louder, louder!"(gets not poetic)
These are only suggestions. All I`m trying to do is encourage you to think like a poet. P.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Ok I got it, this is just an experiment, thanks for the suggestion, I value it more thanks Mr. Pete... read moreOk I got it, this is just an experiment, thanks for the suggestion, I value it more thanks Mr. Pete.
I like the parallels of the tempestuous in clouds and in love making, but I have to admit the poet in me jars at your lack of care in some of your lines, which damages the overall quality of the piece. You have a very active imagination, Marc, but you really need to pay more attention to editing to achieve that extra BOOM! Sorry. P.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Aha thanks Mr. Pete can you revert which part of the lines ruin the work?
This write was good, i enjoyed it. It was full with passion, and that is what i like the most about this poem. The music video you put up on here suited the poem well. Keep up the good work. Looking foreword to more from you. Hope you have a wonderful day.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Res :) I am very happy reading your review, it means a lot to me. Thanks again.
i feel like this is a relaxing release for you...lol..
the sexual reference makes it so: "sexual healing"
~ but either way, i enjoyed the "Boom, boom, boom" satisfaction in writing!
well done kabayan!
DIFC Dubai International Financial Center, Dubai City, United Arab Emirates
About
I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..