This is nice. I love the thought. However, I am not comfortable with how you state the last two lines. I think there's redundancy in there.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
lol :) i think the meaning is separate the line you have said first it means that the person cut the.. read morelol :) i think the meaning is separate the line you have said first it means that the person cut the speaker chance to reach his/her destiny by breaking her/him and the last one explains why that person doesn't want that love but he doesn't want either get away from this love, that's why he/she has a black heart. It is a divorce/annulment process which the married couple separated but not ready to let go anyone of them. So one of them really hate because of the freedom.
11 Years Ago
I mean they are not yet free until they signed the divorce paper. :)
"You quell my own destiny"---My own is used if.. read moreThese are what I am not comfortable of:
"You quell my own destiny"---My own is used if the subject is yourself (e.g. I quell my own destiny). If you want to emphasize that another person repressed your destiny, "own" is no longer important (You quell my destiny), otherwise that would be redundancy.
"A selfish one with black heart"---You cannot say a selfish one with white or clean heart, or an unselfish one with black heart. Of course, a selfish person has a black heart. Perhaps the word "selfish" can be replaced with something pointing out she was your previous love who has that black heart. Gulo ko rin noh? Actually, dahil confused talaga ako, nag-consult ako sa grammar checker na app, yun talagang last line kinokorek niya. Ginangawa niyang ibang noun yung heart. Ewan ko, siguro dahil yung selfish e bad heart na nga yun.
11 Years Ago
lol its alright Dhaye maybe I need to at it, since there some confusion about the words. Thanks for .. read morelol its alright Dhaye maybe I need to at it, since there some confusion about the words. Thanks for that :) I will review it later.
11 Years Ago
lol its alright Dhaye maybe I need to have second look reviewing the poem, since there some confusio.. read morelol its alright Dhaye maybe I need to have second look reviewing the poem, since there some confusion about the words. Thanks for that :) I will review it later.
DIFC Dubai International Financial Center, Dubai City, United Arab Emirates
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I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..