Sacred Bath

Moroccan bath regally invades my senses-

Water purifies my soul, weakens my defenses,

 

Scrubbing my peel with opaque happiness,

 

Steamy air filling my lost soul,

 

Rousing my body, I am out of control.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Dhaye]

The police has back to work.
Wow! Nice poem.
This could be a good Limericks poem if you follow the AABBA pattern...like:

"Moroccan bath regally invades my senses
Water purify my soul weaken my defenses
Steamy air filling my lost soul
Rousing my body, I am out of control
Scrubbing my peel with opaque happiness."

Anyway, just a suggestion if you want to try Limericks. Ganda kasi eh...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Limericks? it is another style heheheh im sorry I am stranger with this words. I love the idea also :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Dhaye :)

[Dhaye]

Yes, Limericks with AABBA format. You can try it with another poem (new piece), not this one.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Ok I will :) thanks Dhaye your such a genius.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

You are I mean :)

[Dhaye]

Ouch! Don't make the impossible possible. I just found it that you've been trying to test your talent in making different poems since yesterday in your Haikus up to now in Tanka. Why not try other kinds like Limericks, Cinquain, Diamonte, or Couplet? I haven't tried making Concrete and Sonnet, but i think you can. The easier kinds are the first 6 I've mentioned. I found out that you are the real genius here because you have done a number of pieces today. That means you are a brilliant one...and I? I am just a noble police to guide you. Hehe.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol Thanks Officer I really appreciate your guidance. I will try just keep watching my work so that other police will not busted me hehehe :) Thanks Dhaye I believe you can do it too, sometimes I am thinking why not we create our own format and style in poetry that not in this world today. lol

[Dhaye]

When we create our own which we think without any format, still we follow a certain kind of poetry... free verse, or even blank verse. That's when you have your freedom in making poem in any length, without considering the rhymes.
When you make your own format, you will be acknowledged like Shakespeare and Lentini in their sonnet. You will probably add the number of poets who would want to create their own format. Lol:)
Actually we have our own styles. It depends on the personality of the author. And your style, some are good but most are very good (Honesty is the best policy.) I really like how you use the literary devices. So please be honest in reviewing my works also. I am not irritated with suggestions because those will enhance my works. (Sadyang nagpapareview ako para ma-edit yung works ko, Piniprint ko kasi at bina-bind para maging book). So when I give any suggestion, I make it sure it is really constructive, not destructive.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol yes I am also into honest review kasi doon ka mag grow as serious poets :) pero ang iba titirahin ka talaga heheh :) but I am not affected :) I am more into consttructive, I just consider negative review as a my reference to improved my works.

[Dhaye]

Pansin ko nga. You are respectful. That's the attitude of a real writer... and soon to be one of our Literary geniuses in the history. Hehe.
Pansin ko rin...masaya ang aura ngayon ng Filipino writers. Kahit si Pax...optimistic ang concepts sa last works niya today. Even Maryanne. Ikaw naman para ka lang nagtitimpla ng juice sa dami ng Haiku and other poems na nagawa mo today...because you're having fun with poetry.
Okay, so much conversation. I have to stay tuned to my other favorite writers. Thanks, kabayan. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol Thanks Dhaye I have to go to filipino market to buy foods, off ko na hehe ingatz.

[Pax]

lol.... grabi Dhaye... ikaw na... at ikaw narin Marc... you both are great... i see this conversation is fun and smart... yup, Marc your muse is getting you to write more poetry... and with that its great... keep it up... galing pala itong si Dyahe.. kabayan.. dami mo palang nalalaman in terms of style in poetry...

[Dhaye]

Hehe. Halu-halo uli tayo?

[Pax]

yes, ms Police officer.... lol... I'm glad you notice my recent poems are getting optimistic... yes... segoro ngayon it is meant I'm coping well with the situation... when my poems gets more depressing then that is meant i'm on my depressing mode... time to worry na yan...lol.. ginagawa ko kasing muse yang depressing situation...

[Dhaye]

Hope you won't go back to that situation. It's time to laugh. We have cried so much from our pains. We've moved from darkness to light, and hope not to go back there to suffer again. Time to move on.
Kaya nga masaya pag halu-halo tayo. Hehe.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax thanks Dhaye kararating ko lang :)

[Sheik]

Should be marked as a poem instead of a story. Delete the commas at the end of each line and the period at the end of the poem. Also delete the weird hyphen at the end of the first line.

[Jack Cassidy]

A good read... I really appreciate the short, but good imagery. The first line is wonderful. I like things appearing as invasive, and yet they serve to shake things up a bit for a reason.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Kusa, glad you like it.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you I love you all.

[francis]

song or poem whatever it was nice

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother :)

[Pete Langley]

Just to illustrate to you how you can produce poetic music from your words, Marc, I hope you`ll forgive me for offering you this alternate rendition of your poem, which I hope retains all your meaning and rhyme scheme. You will see that I have changed some of tensing and sentence structure to achieve the musical flow.

Moroccan bath! Regale my senses!
Purify my soul`s defences!
Peel my layers to silken bliss,
Your steam enrapturing my soul,
Your caress dispelling my control.

This is just an example of how you can lift your words to a new level. I hope this helps. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Very good Mr. Pete, this is really sounds good I love this.

[Inda]

Great piece, seems like the beginning of a short story, love it!

[Mike Emil]

bring me some japanese women with broken feet to bath me

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol what you mean by broken feet?

[Mike Emil]

much for you to learn HAI!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :)

[gombeggar]

there is much more growth in this writing of yours

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Gom :)

[AYVID N]

A very sensual and steaming write Marc! Your versatility shows here in all glory! Compliments!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Div I really appreciate your words it empowers me :)

[Dakshta]

ah so jealous right now....nice write though :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol actually, I really don't think to much, as you observed my selection of words is plain and simple and dont have a relic of old english, I just follow my heart when I write. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Too much I mean sorry for the typo :)

[Dakshta]

Haha no problem...and I agree with the simple english, we should clearly write something that will look like a normal write and not some old english literature book...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Yeah that's what I am sayin, though it not that archaic like others doin, but I wanted to connect that's only my purpose, I don't need to meet their expectations but connection from people hearts is most matter to me. :)

[Dakshta]

Same here..I belive in writing something that people will actually understand, I don't want them to run for Google to understand the meaning of such heavy words. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol that's what I am doin sometimes, lol i am glad we have the same opinion regarding this thing. lol

[Dakshta]

:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) thanks again for your time.

[Dakshta]

no problem :)