Samurai's Fall

 

Cry while you have tears

Mourn my departure tonight  

 

Surrender your faith

 

When the spring comes tomorrow

 

Oh my fearless samurai

Author's Note

This is not Haiku it is Tanka a Japanesse poetry dates back almost 1200 years ago.

Reviews

[Imara]

I love the piece overall, as this is my first time reading a Tanka (though I am familiar with it in the formatting sense) I shall do my best. I read this almost as a conversation between the samurai who is going to leave off to battle for his lord in the spring and talking about it with his wife. With the first 4 lines being him, and the last line being her reply.
You did a great job sticking to the form! Finding great words that fit the form and make it flow. Much respect to that. My favorite line, "Surrender your faith" Good job!

[Pax]

now, i never knew this type, Intriguing indeed!
~ oh, i really see your fascination on the history and mythologies kabayan. I see you excel in this part, which is a great deal of knowledge... i love history, but my memory is quite vague in that matter :( ~ great work kabayan!

[tamsen grier]

I just love the opening line "cry while you have tears"; it implies there is so much more sorrow to come.

[InsanityWriter]

I love the imagery in this one. (: Great work!!

[dave]

I really like its sense of openness- it tells a single story, but could be adapted to fit many different tragedies. "Surrender your faith when the spring comes tomorrow" really gave me the blues- I could really feel the sense of hopelessness and loss that (I think) you were trying to convey. Keep writing! Reading your works is always an experience.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you I love you all.

[Pete Langley]

This has an almost tragic atmosphere - as if this is a parting before the warrior goes of to fight. The emotions feel simplified and refined - and therefore immediate. I like this. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Domo arigato Mr, Pette :) thanks a lot.

[Mike Emil]

HAI!!!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Domo arigato!

[gombeggar]

i've begun studying this actually...intriguing

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am very thankful :) thanks Gom :)