Earthquake

Mountain Fuji roars

Cracks Tokyo house's wooden floor

Hiroshi wide awake

 

Reviews

[dave]

Again with the imagery! As I said, I'm not familiar with haikus so I can't justifiably critique them, but I really have to commend you for being so consistently awesome. You always put the reader into these worlds you create with so few words, in even as few that make up a haiku. Really great.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks :) Brother you are always my inspiration. :)

[Pete Langley]

You convey the absolute impotence experienced by events completely out of our control. This piece has immediate impact, Marc. Well done.P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Pete you are always an inspiration to me :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

You know so much about Japan...
I like this one.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

My family live in Japan in Tokyo :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads Dhaye :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

:) ..............:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Wórdsmíth]

It's totally different but interestin' much too. I think i've got this one.
it's deep, nice ink

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. glad you like it!

[KeelyJane]

Interesting take on Haiku. I love your creativity and how you make this art form your own. Thank you for sharing.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Kelly :) glad you like it!

[Gerald Parker]

Aiming for haiku? Do the count. mon ami.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Amigo :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I will count but this is not haiku it is short poem.

[Gerald Parker]

Line 2 needs fixing, not grammatical. Change:

Mountain Fuji roars

Cracks wooden floor of Tokyo house

Hiroshi wide awake

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

It lost the tone, thanks for the change but I want to maintain the original :)

[Gerald Parker]

Tone? Bad English as it stands. Try: 'Cracks Tokyo house's wooden floor' or split the line:
read moreTone? Bad English as it stands. Try: 'Cracks Tokyo house's wooden floor' or split the line:

Tokyo house
Wooden floor cracks

Please, pleeeeeese, no incorrect Eeengleeesh! Sir Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) ok thanks

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

house's- I think this ok.

[Gerald Parker]

Yes but I wish I hadn't suggested it - to an Engleeeesh ear 'house's' sounds terrible. Splitting the line sounds better.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) thanks but I love it!

[Gerald Parker]

Agh! Arrrgh.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) alright Mr. Gerald just spare this one line. lol

[Gerald Parker]

This poem's too light for an earthquake - try exploring what earthquakes really do. Bring home the reality.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

in 3 lines heheh ok I will write in another format.

[Gerald Parker]

Mr Peter likes it! But I think Hiroshi needs to do more than 'wake.'

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) you know my nephew always wide awake when there is some movements, 7.0 is normal in Tokyo.

[Gerald Parker]

These messages flying across the world - amazing the way things have changed. there's a poem.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Yes I agree :)

[Gerald Parker]

Mankind cannot bear too much reality.

[Pete Langley]

Like what? Put yourself in Hiroshi`s shoes. What would you do if your floor split? Run? Where to? Would you go back to sleep? Awake says it all for me. P.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) lol that is realistic Mr. Pete.

[Gerald Parker]

OK

[Junert]

Wow, such imagery. Great one.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sis Junert glad you like it! :)

[Emily Feret]

Such a simple concept, yet beautifully executed

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Em, :) you are such an inpiration :) thanks a lot.