The LOOP

 

Twisted faith embedded in his timeline

Dreaming, chasing the reality that never was.

Pain and dark past hunted the disturbed soul

Images inducing as relic of gone memories

The loop continues with no sign of restraint

Giving a gloomy life of suffering

His mind wants a quick end to this fictitious realm

His heart beats slow seems the faith is gone

Where he is heading is a mystery

What will be his future will defend in his memory

 

The struggles continue in eternity

Dark room, isolated soul plead for freedom.

Countless attempts failed to break the flap

End up into breakdown of ragged dreams

The loop continues with no sign of restraint

Giving pain and locks the memory into darkness

His mind wishing for an absolute end

His heart beats in unfamiliar pound

A silence comes after the tumult inside the dome

Now his soul in peace, he achieves freedom.

 

The loop stops in eternity

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i see someone suffering at the end of his life, just praying for death to come and relieve him of this.

the letting go...the understanding that it will never be the same...the he that once was physically strong is gone...and it is time to "go gentle into that good night"---

nice piece...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. Jacob your insight is always an inspiration for a newbie like me, thanks a lot for the support.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I mean it is biblical which I applied it here not really my original idea :)

[icelandicblue]

There are so many loops that we can get stuck in. I thought of poverty when I read this.

The struggles continue in eternity
Dark room, isolated soul plead for freedom.
Countless attempts failed to break the flap
End up into breakdown of ragged dreams

Poverty is a place where so many dreams go to die. Nicely done Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

You have a good insight ice it is one of he factor why the loop continue. thanks for reading.

[Rita L. Sev]

I appreciate the symbolism of the loop. I like the line: "What will be his future will defend in his memory." It's always how we are remembered that has to be our defense for the way we lived. Good job!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Great review Ms. Rita that so true, thanks for the time reading my work.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Marc this is a very good piece. Apart from minor syntax errors it is a really well constructed poem with a great theme, fantastic pathos and a lovely flow.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mr. John you are always there support me all the time thanks a lot. you are my inspirations. thanks for the review.

[Rogue]

This was a bit dark and sad. A great read though. Very well thought out and put together. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Rogue I appreciate your review, thanks a lot for reading my work.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am not good in English just bear with me, :) I wish you will correct me if I missed some stuff. I am open if you break or build me, I just need an honest review. Thanks a lot guys.

[Trigorin]

Not bad. The whole loop metaphor is very nicely done and you seemed to have toned things down a little here, which is, I think, a good change from some of your other work. Well done.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Thanks Tri, your so kind. Thanks for the support. It is always a good feeling hearing a review from you. Thanks my friend.