A lovely tribute to Norma Jean:
Needs some revision though
and worth it!
She unbolts her senses, her visions become hazy.
The feisty beat of her heart unchanged
She gasps, as her dark hour comes near.
She remembers the past, how complex it was
Tears wither in her solitary eyes
Her mother lost her mind in her solemn space
Her childhood life was a complete mess
A home she wished turn out to be coop
They scratched the shallow of her universe
She was bushed and gloomy
Until the day she found love
A real love, worth fighting for.
They both enjoyed the sweetness of milk and honey
But war separated these two loving hearts
Painted sorrows every night and day
Her lonely heart longing for him from a distance
Days, months and years had passed with a broken dream
The time had come, her stars unleashed shone gloriously
His sorrow and anger cast from the thundering miles
Her life celebrated likes a goddess in this fortress
His life miserably fighting for freedom
Titans wildly fighting and dying for her love
Fame imprisoned her soul, corrupting her life to the final end
Her life complexly evolved in this anxious domain
Her voice starts to fade, while her tears fall.
The poison of barbiturate now starting to conquer her fragile body
Still the flash back of memories keeps her wake
Her heart will always for Jimi
Remembering him, her precious moments with this loving soldier.
Fame is completely lost in the world of real love
More reminiscing until her heart stops
Now the heavy rain starts to pours in the empire of dreams
The great day of mourning, losing a precious star in Hollywood
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Mr. John, which part you think need revision? Thanks for your honest reading.
11 Years Ago
Check out my rewrite. I just went through and tried to sort out tenses and expression but the origin.. read moreCheck out my rewrite. I just went through and tried to sort out tenses and expression but the original was powerful and beautiful.
11 Years Ago
:)Thanks Mr. John appreciate it much.
11 Years Ago
Wow thanks :) it makes sense now :) thanks Mr. John, sometimes my proofreading missed the point here.. read moreWow thanks :) it makes sense now :) thanks Mr. John, sometimes my proofreading missed the point here. hehehe :)
Thanks again Mr. John sometimes I am really struggling in english but I will try my best to be good... read moreThanks again Mr. John sometimes I am really struggling in english but I will try my best to be good. I am just new here I think I am one month already. I think I can still develop my skills :) with the support of people like you. I really appreciate it.
11 Years Ago
No you are a very good writer Marc. I love what you produce and respect you for trying it in English.. read moreNo you are a very good writer Marc. I love what you produce and respect you for trying it in English! The title on reflection may be better as 'The Goddess of Titans and The Soldier'
I couldn't help but read John's review, I don't usually like to do that as it might sway my interpertation of the piece. This is lovely Marc, I thought of doing a work quite similar, I love Marilyn and feel she was quite misunderstood, as all us lovely, complicated women are. ;-)
That said, I think John has some excellent points, I tripped over a few spots here and there but it's really special in it's entirety, simply elegant tribute to a great icon of oue times. Good one Marc, excellent read.
Thanks Frie :) I wish you will write the other side of Marilynm she is really beautiful person, I th.. read moreThanks Frie :) I wish you will write the other side of Marilynm she is really beautiful person, I think bringing her life back through writes will be cool.
11 Years Ago
I won't step on your toes, anyway, I'm still kicking, she needs a clear head to do her justice! :-)
Thanks for your honest review, I appreciate it, this will help improving my english. So I am very th.. read moreThanks for your honest review, I appreciate it, this will help improving my english. So I am very thankful for your time reading my work.
A lovely tribute to Norma Jean:
Needs some revision though
and worth it!
She unbolts her senses, her visions become hazy.
The feisty beat of her heart unchanged
She gasps, as her dark hour comes near.
She remembers the past, how complex it was
Tears wither in her solitary eyes
Her mother lost her mind in her solemn space
Her childhood life was a complete mess
A home she wished turn out to be coop
They scratched the shallow of her universe
She was bushed and gloomy
Until the day she found love
A real love, worth fighting for.
They both enjoyed the sweetness of milk and honey
But war separated these two loving hearts
Painted sorrows every night and day
Her lonely heart longing for him from a distance
Days, months and years had passed with a broken dream
The time had come, her stars unleashed shone gloriously
His sorrow and anger cast from the thundering miles
Her life celebrated likes a goddess in this fortress
His life miserably fighting for freedom
Titans wildly fighting and dying for her love
Fame imprisoned her soul, corrupting her life to the final end
Her life complexly evolved in this anxious domain
Her voice starts to fade, while her tears fall.
The poison of barbiturate now starting to conquer her fragile body
Still the flash back of memories keeps her wake
Her heart will always for Jimi
Remembering him, her precious moments with this loving soldier.
Fame is completely lost in the world of real love
More reminiscing until her heart stops
Now the heavy rain starts to pours in the empire of dreams
The great day of mourning, losing a precious star in Hollywood
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Mr. John, which part you think need revision? Thanks for your honest reading.
11 Years Ago
Check out my rewrite. I just went through and tried to sort out tenses and expression but the origin.. read moreCheck out my rewrite. I just went through and tried to sort out tenses and expression but the original was powerful and beautiful.
11 Years Ago
:)Thanks Mr. John appreciate it much.
11 Years Ago
Wow thanks :) it makes sense now :) thanks Mr. John, sometimes my proofreading missed the point here.. read moreWow thanks :) it makes sense now :) thanks Mr. John, sometimes my proofreading missed the point here. hehehe :)
Thanks again Mr. John sometimes I am really struggling in english but I will try my best to be good... read moreThanks again Mr. John sometimes I am really struggling in english but I will try my best to be good. I am just new here I think I am one month already. I think I can still develop my skills :) with the support of people like you. I really appreciate it.
11 Years Ago
No you are a very good writer Marc. I love what you produce and respect you for trying it in English.. read moreNo you are a very good writer Marc. I love what you produce and respect you for trying it in English! The title on reflection may be better as 'The Goddess of Titans and The Soldier'
A beautiful poem for a great lady. This beautiful lady stole our heart and broke it too. The photo and the description brought back to life a good memory. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thanks Coyote, your words always an inspiration to me.
DIFC Dubai International Financial Center, Dubai City, United Arab Emirates
About
I am just writing for almost 2 months now and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank y.. more..