The Code of Cleopatra

First light comes with grandeur promise

Eastern wind blows with fragrance of lily

                      Be stupor to the compelling sounds of the river Nile

Relish the softness of my Egyptian silk

Your regal mightiness covers my sinuous bare body

Invades my senses with your tempest aroma

                     Forest green soft fabric covering your sword

I want to lie down with you to savor the sweetness of  honey

                 Soak deeply your soul into the ceaseless milk

Conquer my abode, seize my spirit.

     

Lock with mine your universe that is eternally embedded in my core

Author's Note

Reviews

[SM Davis]

This is very interesting. I don't think I've ever seen stupor used as an adjective (rather than a noun). The various fonts and colors are not clearly resonated here and left me a bit confused. The imagery is impeccable. The last line is GENIUS!!! WEll done.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you, I love you all.

[InsanityWriter]

Well done. :) I like how you formatted this. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks I.W :) I am very happy you drop by and review my works.

[InsanityWriter]

No problem. :)

[Shelina Shariff-Zia]

Beautiful. I liked the song as well, it fitted perfectly with the writing. It totally captured the seductiveness of the East.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Shelina :) thanks for droping by and for the review.

[Sami Khalil]

A very sensuous piece done with a good taste and great imagery. Well done...:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother :) thanks for the reviewing my work.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for your time reviewing my work I mean :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Sir Joe]

First of all, I love how the music background-ed my reading of the poem. It blends perfectly with the tone and theme of the piece.

After reading the poem for the second time, two events played in my head. One is about how Cleopatra sensually welcomed Caesar, or probably Anthony, into her domain and into her heart, soul and body. The images [plus the music] depicted in this piece created a sensuous atmosphere. The other event that popped in my mind in how Cleopatra civically received Caesar, or probably Anthony, into her kingdom. She saw great advantage in it. But what she didn't see was the coming of the end of her reign. Your use of the words "invade" and "conquer" in the poem conceived an idea of conquest and downfall in my mind. However, your choice of words in some lines causes equivocality or ambiguity to me. Like in this line:

"Stupor to the compelling sounds of the river Nile"

"Stupor" is actually a noun. It seems that you are forcing it to be a verb there. Perhaps you could just add the word "be". So it will become

"Be stupor to the compelling sounds of the river Nile"

The same thing goes with this line:

"Lavish the softness of my Egyptian silk"

"Lavish" is an adjective. It's not a verb. Perhaps choosing a more appropriate word, which is a verb, will make that line better; like the verb "relish" or "delight in". Then it will become:

"Relish the softness of my Egyptian silk".

The last line is also ambiguous to me. For me, it will sound better when it is written this way:

"Lock with mine your universe that is eternally embedded in my core"

I find this piece unique. Keep it up, Sir Marc.
=)


- sir joe

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you very much Sir Joe :) you are brilliant :) I will consider changing it. Thanks a lot for the support Sir Joe.

[Sir Joe]

You're welcome, Sir Marc. =)

[blueholmes]

i remembered our lesson in world history!! :) haha :) well, as always you hit the mark.. this would be a lovely poem for that ancient affair :) yet with endless love and passion .. you always do great and keep on doing greater things :))

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Blue, you words such an inspiratiion, what happened to simple mind? she is not around anymore.

[blueholmes]

your always welcome :) yeah, ate Simp, i don't know. it's been quiet a long time.i've been checking if she's online but she's always offline :(( i miss our conversations . maybe she's busy, she got work right?

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Yea maybe :) thanks

[keyvan]

good one...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother I will visit your work later :) thanks a lot.

[Singing Bird]

Hi Marc, read your poem and it evoked a very rich ongoing scene of sensuous love, lust and decadence. Very interesting but I found the different sizing and colours of the different lines tended to not help my flow of reading. Evoked the land and desert of Egypt or Arabia. You writing is very rich and oft evokes that sort of feel to me.
Thankyou.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you Singing Bird, :) I am very thankful for your review it means a lot to me. I am moving forward to write more. Thanks for reading.

[Singing Bird]

Your welcome

[Mariam]

hmm ) simply wondeful and the backgroung hit the mark.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mariam this all sounds stuff started from you lol :) thanks for sharing the first video. Glad you visit and for the review thanks a lot.

[Mariam]

haha funny)My pleasure

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)