Box Rain Dark

The Saga of my undying love.

Spirit, light, shade and dark

I am mysteriously in love with you

 

                         The sun, the moon and the stars

                         I pray to the heaven above that you are the one

 

Hands, kisses, and hugs.

I wish tomorrow will come with promises of real love

 

Rainbow, jewel stone, and fire

Passionate love we both enjoy and cherish

 

Storms, big waves and earthquakes

I’m wondering if we could build a life together

 

                            Space, empty room and box

                            Now my life has no direction

 

Clouds, rain and tears

Now I have lost you

 

Box…Rain…Dark Goodbye my love

Author's Note

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

I love what you did with this poem. Nature just naturally calls out to me in ways that nothing else can. Whether it be in connection to spiritual things or love, nature feels honest. Great title. Each three word choices has me stopping to receive from it.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Great stuff and your off to a fab start with this poetry lark.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads.

[Peter H]

good write my friend .deeply empathizes with the theme and the meaning :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads. :)

[Aidz]

Intoxicating ... In a word

PS wish I could stop the music though

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

The blindness the overarching captivation and the yearning intrigue of love is captured here, nicely penned, well done

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you for reading :)

[Ency Bearis]

Impressive poem, captivating words to lure the readers 'til the the last stanza. Unique write.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for reading Sir Ency :) sorry for the late reply hhee.

[ms. barrie]

oh wow! this is just stunning, Marc! exquisitely structured poem, the imagery conveyed here is so spellbinding that it's captivating!

lovely meter and rhyme and great choice with the music you chose. simply stunning, thanks for sharing! 100 to 100, pen on :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Barrie :)

[Augustus]

I like the style in which this poem has been written. The first line of each couplet gives a set of visuals as it were, conjuring images in front of the reader. And the second line explains the scenario. There is also a natural progression of events, a natural evolution of the story of love, which binds the couplets together, although each one is self-contained. I gathered from your profile that you are an inexperienced poet. So it is quite amazing that you have this level of skill in crafting a poem even in the early days of your literary life.

I will leave you with a couple of critical comments to ponder over. I would suggest adding more charm to lines like "Passionate love we both enjoy and cherish". Words like "enjoy" are too bourgeois to be included in poetry. Everyone enjoys and cherishes love. Poets glide on the wings of swans or do some such exotic thing. Get my point? Give us more imagery, more metaphors. I also had an issue with the word "box". "Box rain dark" sounds rather cumbersome for a poem that contains many elements of elegance. Just my thoughts...Not taking anything away from a good poem. Thanks!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Thanks for the inputs I really appreciate it, I learned from some tips, about the the Box rain dark-These all a symbols: Box=broken dreams,Rain=tears and Dark= death. Thank your for reading my work Sir. :)

[Augustus]

Hello Marc. I understand that they are symbols. As I mentioned before, I had a problem with the word "box". I would consider a substitute to convey the same idea. But it is your poem, so I'm not forcing you to change anything. Just conveying my thoughts. Thanks!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Aha, I got it thanks a lot. :)

[Augustus]

You're welcome :)

[Talal Hussain]

That has been beautifully carved...loved the feelings :-)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

HI Talal, thanks for your review. :)

[SyberRose]

This is the first poem along with the beautiful music that made me cry...I enjoyed the video too. Very touching...your are right...saddest song ever...SyberRose

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads SyberRose I really appreciate your precious time.

[Helen Crutchett]

This was simply gorgeous! Just sitting here soaking up the ambience of this. The music divine, the words seamlessly stunning!

Good work.

Helena :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Helena :) I appreciate your precious time reading my work. Thanks a lot.

[Helen Crutchett]

It was my pleasure Marc.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)