Stranger

Do you believe in love @ first sight?

 

 

 

A stallion running fast as the north-wind blows

A tree mystically swaying in the air dancing a tango

Meteor showers in the eastern skies

A stranger's soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

You animate in my celestial dream

Sporadically moving and slowly fading into dim

When the violin started to play, your sorrow began to unfold.

Quandary radiated your heart turned into cold

In every movement of your exotic frame

I was mesmerized and dying to know your name

                                 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

This poem is brief but you were able to jam-pack it with visual images. My mind pictured out those words of yours. Your technique of showing rather than telling is very effective. Well, it is always effective when it comes to writing short poems. But in this poem, almost every line has an image that is vivid. I commend you to that.
As far as my reading is concerned, this is about infatuation at first sight, is it not?
I myself can relate to the theme in this poem. I have already experienced wanting to know the name of someone I instantly liked at first sight. I even dared to get her number hahaha I love the way you chose your words. Your lines and words are few but the impact is great.

However, let me make mention of these few things about some lines:

*Meteors showers in the eastern skies
---> Meteors SHOWER in the eastern skies

*A stranger soul shines at night with the sparkling fireflies
--->A STRANGE SOUL/STRANGER'S SOUL shines at night with the sparkling fireflies

*Sporadically moving and slowly fades into dim
--->Sporadically moving and slowly FADING into dim ---> parellelism

*When the violin started to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---> When the violin started to play, your sorrow BEGAN to unfold.
---> [or] When the violin STARTS to play, your sorrow begins to unfold.
---to avoid the conflict of the tenses

Thank you for letting me read this wonderful piece of art. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi Sir Joe thanks a lot for the review, I will consider changing it :), I appreciate your expertise in tenses which is very helpful. Thanks a lot :)

[Sir Joe]

You are most welcome, Sir Marc! Poets help one another out. =)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again :)

[SM Davis]

Ahh...the curiosity of beauty at first sight. It is in the eye of the beholder...and when beholden is an experience unmatched. The only change I would make is changing "fading into dim" to "fading to dim" ... your imagery is exquisite here.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Vivid imagery and a distinct dreamy effect makes this a very remarkable piece, the title itself evokes a sense of mystery. The last line gives the poem great intensity of emotion for the "stranger". Brilliant style!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ate :) this is also one of my fave. poem, it has some real backstory on this. lol :) this is my experienced. thanks a lot for your precious time reading my work.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Welcome - keep writing!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you, I love you all.

[Dakshta]

wow that was so beautiful..loved it!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Dakshta :) thanks for the reads.

[InsanityWriter]

Oooh!! Amazing. :) Loved it. (; Great imagery!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

HI :) thanks a lot friend :) I really value your precious time reading my work.

[Pranav Malhotra]

reminds me of billy joel's song. . . very nice

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother I appreciate your words always.

[Eddie Phillips]

I have to say I loved the visual picture that this poem painted. it was stunning and told a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Brother, thanks for your time reading my work.

[blueholmes]

owoww!!! i'll say it again, sing of love coz it does exist!! :)) so wonderful poem :)) well, i'm not really into that love at first sight thing.. but love among the most strangest thing, is the strangest, (urghh, never mind that,hahaha) but this is really an amazing write:)) wonder who's that stranger??? haha :)

[Dhaye]

I like this one. You have a good choice of music... though the most apt one is a violin's sound (just like in this poem).
Other than that, I really like this, kabayan!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Dhaye, your words is always an inspiration, thanks for reading.

[Dhaye]

I love the music. I copied the URL. Maybe convert it into MP3 for future use, especially my short films.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol cool do you make a film?

[Dhaye]

Short films. Some are educational, but mostly emotional, about culture and with moral lessons. I have entered the contest in www.cinematalkies.com. I have 19 at youtube, 1 unpublished yet 'cause I want to edit when my brother come back here (he's the lead role but he's a seaman), and other 1 ongoing because I was too busy then. My brother and sister are very supportive to me, that's how I keep on making short films.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow :) cool what camera do you used for shooting.

[Dhaye]

My sister's Legria. Sometimes I use digicam, mobile webcam videos if they're okay.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Cool :) it is really amazing :) I will check your work in youtube later sa bahay can u send me the link.

[Singing Bird]

Yes I do believe in love at first sight. My, this one set me thinking too Marc, as I suspect all your work probably will. It sounds as if the relationship would have been doomed from the start. Poignant longing that will never be requited. You create a beautiful vision.
Pilamia.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you Singing Bird :) your words is very important to me as a new comer, it helps boast my confidence to write more. Thank you.

[Singing Bird]

Your Welcome