Hold my hands

I have this feeling to write something about those people who tried to re-create the broken pieces, those families who experience ups and down. I wish this poem will inspire them.

I am longing for every breath of your soul
I never mind, if they call me a fool

In every single glance of your eyes
I have a weak heart, and sometimes blinded in tolerating your lies

I'm pushing my luck to get your love
I stay at night praying to the heaven above

That when I wake up in the morning you're still there
It doesn't matter if you still care

What I really wanted you stay with me
To see you, talking with our kids everyday

Until the last teardrop falls from eyes
Until the moment that I can no longer rise

My brain kept telling me, I love you
My heart felt all pain and happiness that we been through

I could no longer hear you, your voice that I really missed
My vision fades like I am in the complete darkness 

I am fearless thinking of you as my only one
Please hold my hands until my last breath is gone

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is touching and painful...i would lose the last line...the poem speaks for itself without that..

a couple spots need grammatical shakeup..."when i wake up in the morning you're still there"

"teardrops fall" "vision gets faded"

but a really strong piece from the heart.


jacob

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Jacob :) your review is very helpful.

[Sheik]

This is so beautiful. I always change brain to mind, because brain is an ugly word. Fix the sentence "What I really wanted you stay with me" to "I really wanted you to stay with me". I don't delete the last sentence like the other guy said.

[Dakshta]

this really nice Marc :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) I owe you a lot :) heheh thanks my friend glad you like it!

[Dakshta]

Haha you are always welcome :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am just writing for a month and no background in the world of poetry. Hope you will always share your wisdom and correct my mistakes as I need it to solidify my dreams to write. Thank you, I love you all.

[Bluefire]

This is beautiful! It could be a song if you add a tune and a chorus. Well done! ^^

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bluefire :) yes it is. Thanks for your time reading my work.

[Bluefire]

No problem! ^^

[Pax]

deep heartfelt words kabayan...
in a marriage there will always be a downtime... love makes one's family close together... i like this. good write!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Kabayan :), thank you for your time reading my work, I appreciate it a lot.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Marc

I have a reputation for never being concise in my reviews.

But there is always room for redemption in us all.

All I really want to say to you is that I could feel what you must have felt when you wrote the words. You drew me in. You affected me. I was moved.

Apologies for my brevity but thank you for sharing this.

Well written

Best wishes

James

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I really appreciate it big time brother :) thanks for your time reading my work and I am glad you feel it too... the emotions in this poem. Thanks again.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Marc

The pleasure is mine.

James

[char]

Emotionally powerful. I love the last line: "Please hold my hands until my last breath is gone." Love it. Good work, Mr. Villaflor.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ana :) glad you like it. Thanks for your time reading my work.

[Marie]

This isn't the kind of poem I like, and yet--I don't know why--I like it.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Marie :)

[khalid]

very nicely penned..the feelings of love and passion behind this feeling of need for the beloved are really greatly expressed. i think the speaker here had a lot of memories with the beloved, these memories are unforgetable and as much the memories are sweet, as much the pain is deep..

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. Khalid, yeah you are right :) thanks for your time reading my work.

[khalid]

it was a pleasure reading such a nice poem..you are welcome

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Cheers! :)

[Zap-the-awesome]

Down deep man. One of the worst things about Life is desperately wanting something you can't really have (that's how I interpreted it) excellent work

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Bro. :) for your time reading my work :)