Trashy Fingers

Queer Tops-Chapter 1 Trashy Fingers- First Day in New York

Thai airlines arrived in JFK airport at exactly 7:00 AM; it’s a cold November. This day is Aki’s first breathing in the city of New York. The gorgeous guy from Thailand is excited to see the city. It is a rushed hours in the airport, all people in different walks of life randomly moving into dissimilar direction including Aki.

While walking near the baggage center, he checked his hand bag to look for his passport and he takes it out.

Suddenly, “Oh My,” he dropped his passport when a guy accidentally bump his body.

“Sorry dude” said the guy.

“It’s alright,” Aki said while picking up his passport and return it to his hand bag. He proceeds to the baggage area to pick up his luggage. After getting his entire luggage, he moves to the immigration officer counter. Aki get into the line right behind the other travelers, it’s a long line with almost 15 people ahead in the queue. After 15 minutes, he reached in the final count.

Aki standing patiently within the yellow line, this served as indicator not to cross beyond the limit.

Then his call comes, upon reaching the immigration officer counter.

The officer asks Aki.

“Your Passport Please,” Aki hand over his Passport. “Purpose of visit?” the officer says as she opens his passport.

Aki replies,” I am a model, it is business.”

“Aha! OK,” the officer looks at the young lad, she smiles. She’s checking his passport, “you have an H-1B Work Visa, it looks great, all right here it is,” the officer stamps his passport. “Enjoy your stay and welcome to New York City.”

“TAXI!” Aki shouted.

“Hey dude! Where are heading?” the taxi driver asks.

“Can you drive me to this address it is in lower Manhattan; corner 15 Watts Street #6 in 6th Avenue near in West Broadway?” Aki said as he shows the address written in the piece of paper.

Sure I know that address, come aboard Sir!” said the taxi driver.

The taxi stopped in the front of the high tower building.

“Sir we are in the #6 Watts Street!” as the driver joyfully inform Aki.

He takes his bag and pays the driver. “Thank you!” Said Aki and he continue walking through the entrance of the building.

He is little confused and puzzled in the environment of the building; he tries to check the directory near the lobby.

“May I help you sir?” Aki asked by the Security personnel.

“Yes! I am looking for Strafford Models office,” as he parked his luggage near the lounge.

“Do you see that Elevator in the right corner? The Stafford Models office located at 45^thfloor number 45-F, when you reach the 45^thfloor you take right and bingo! You will find the quirky lady at the reception area,” said the officer while smiling.

“Thank you sir,” Aki excitedly grabs his bag and walk heading to the elevator.

“Mr. Aki Kuhner!” A woman exhilarated and shouted at the 45^thfloor lobby, very slender and tall, with a short blond hair, wearing a cerulean blue dress with plunging neckline. Her eyes stared wildly to Aki.

“What the F***,” are you out of your mind? Said the man next to her, his name is Jarvis the model handler in Strafford.

“No I’m not!” it is just a feminine reaction of a girl in front of a very gorgeous guy, cased close!” Tina boldly fortified her reaction.

“Hahahahha you’re crazy girl” add Jarvis.

“Yes I am” Tina laughing again.

Aki is slightly hesitant and little uneasy about the flattery.

“Hello” He waves his hand.

“Welcome Aki! I am Tina, well actually my name is Christina and this is Jarvis our model handler” as she continues talking.

“Hi Aki,” Jarvis shake hands with Aki.

“Hi Jarvis,” Aki replied.

“How’s your trip? It seems you are excited reaching the big city,” said Tina.

“Yes I am” Aki quickly answers Tina.

She took a piece of paper from her desk and gives it to Aki.

“All right just fill-up this form and after I will bring you to Mrs. Strafford office.”

Aki get the form and filled it up, after they moved to Mrs. Strafford Office.

Tina and Aki met Mrs. Strafford.

“Welcome Mr. Kuhner glad you made it here.” Mrs. Strafford welcomes the young man. “Have a sit,” she continues.

“I will prepare your contract today and after tomorrow you will visit our official photographer for the creation of your portfolio.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it Mam,” Aki said.

I am looking forward to complete all of these requirements so that the next two weeks will be occupied by your casting call.

So stick with the schedules and anything you need just give Tina a ring, all right?” Mrs. Strafford asked Aki.

“Yes Mam, thanks again,” Aki ended their conversation, they both shake hands and left Mrs. Strafford Office.

Tina arranged Aki’s apartment in Queens and she calls the driver to bring Aki into his crib.

“Ok, we will see you after tomorrow Aki have a nice day!” As Tina continues talking and finally say goodbye to the gorgeous young man.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

"It is a rushed hours" --- It is a rush hour

"“Hey dude! Where are heading?” the taxi driver ask. ----Where are you/we heading? (Saan ka, Where are you), (Saan po tayo...we). I just thought parang kulang kasi yung “ Where are heading?”

Wow! Marc. Another uique concept. Parang ikaw to, di ba mahilig ka magmodel. Hehe. Bilib na ako sa research power mo, or baka nakarating ka na sa lugar na pinagsasabi mo dito? Galing-galing naman. Applause! :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) di naman oo typo ang you :) thanks Dhaye.

[SM Davis]

Is this the opening to a short? If so, you may want to ease into it a bit more. Try to remember that you have the picture of the scene already complete in your thoughts, the reader does not. Try to read your work through eyes of one who has no idea what this is or why it was written.

A good start all in all.

[KeelyJane]

Great read.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I welcome critics :) just be honest in reviewing I want bad or good review it is ok for me.

[K. D. Kromminga]

Content:
I like your characters so far. But remember you want to have some element of conflict or complication in every chapter of your book. Your character Aki had pretty smooth sailing for arriving in New York as a foreign national for the first time. There are all sorts of things you could use to complicate his arrival, perhaps the guy who knocked his passport out of his hands steals his wallet, maybe the cabbie is someone who doesn't like foreigners or models or both, and maybe the building guard at the agency gives him a hard time(because its technically the guard's job to give people he doesn't recognize a hard time).

Stylistic:
You've got some issues with your formatting that can confuse some readers. Every time a speaker changes its common practice to start a new paragraph/line in fiction writing. Its an indication that your subject/speaker is changing. Also you have some minor verb tense confusion in your story. It makes it flow better if you keep the same verb tenses in the same paragraph or sentence.

Computer Aided Editing:
If you have the money a word processor editor add-in is always a good investment so you don't have to worry about technical glitches slowing you down in the first draft of your story. Also they make your redrafts easer as you can worry more about content then grammar in redrafts. Two add-ins that I have used and would recommend are Whitesmoke or Stylewriter. Whitesmoke actually has a creative writing edition, but Stylewriter is more adaptive and you can program your own specifications for your editing style.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you very much for the kind words and guidance. I really appreciate it Mr. K.D and I will note all of your suggestions. I am thinking for that word processor editor would help me a lot. Thanks for the tips and guidance.

[K. D. Kromminga]

Word of warning, Stylewriter is the most adaptive but has the steepest learning curve to get full use out of the program. It is the most expensive but it is also the most stable.
Whitesmoke is the easiest to use but glitches sometimes because it uses Microsoft VBA scripts to edit paragraph by paragraph. So before you hit accept changes its always good to highlight and copy your paragraph onto your clipboard just in case as sometimes the glitches will delete entire paragraphs of text.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I'm happy reading your advised, thank you Sir :), I appreciate it big time.

[Marie]

I have read all your poems and now this chapter. I don't know if you're a good writer or not, but something about your work appeals to me.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot, I am new actually in this writing world. I tried my best to write it creatively and thanks for the compliment Ms. Marie :)

[AYVID N]

Wow! That's an awesome new life starting for him! It helps to be gorgeous, no two views on this. Opens up a whole sea of avenues. Interested to read more!

The story flows, I could not find any glitches. Keeps reader engaged. Entertained.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Divya it's a long story :) but anyway the start some good feeling but Aki will be in the difficult situations as time goes by. Thanks for reading :)

[AYVID N]

Looking forward to reading more soon!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Again cheers!