Lost Kingdom (Marc Marlon Villaflor DJNOMAD)

I have to say kabayan ~ great job on the descriptive narration ~ you know i really can't do that(hirap kasi - because i always write introspectively) ~ so in narrating a story i salute you for that ~ the settings is really well written ~ your english is quite better than mine, really! ~nabasa ko yung version 2 ~ the thing is ~ ang liit ng litra, di na maganda yung mata ko para diyan ~ at yung naming ng mga character was really interesting, like they are the people of the old times ~ the genra is between sci-fi and high fantasy ~ very nice and interesting start ~

Posted 11 Years Ago

I have to say kabayan ~ great job on the descriptive narration ~ you know i really can't do that(hirap kasi - because i always write introspectively) ~ so in narrating a story i salute you for that ~ the settings is really well written ~ your english is quite better than mine, really! ~nabasa ko yung version 2 ~ the thing is ~ ang liit ng litra, di na maganda yung mata ko para diyan ~ at yung naming ng mga character was really interesting, like they are the people of the old times ~ the genra is between sci-fi and high fantasy ~ very nice and interesting start ~

Posted 11 Years Ago

It was really good. I'm interested to see what happens next. I do have one request- could you make the font a bit bigger? There's probably something wrong with my eyes but I had a hard time making out the words.

Posted 11 Years Ago

Hi guys, I really appreciate all reviews (feedback), it helps me a lot to improve my writing skills. Thanks a lot guys.

Posted 11 Years Ago

When i review a story, i avoid all of the information in the front. I don't want to know about the background, the characters etc. Not because it's not interesting, but because i want the story to unfold and let me figure it out on my own. However, before i skipped to chapter one, i did read the first paragraph, and as Nick.B says it does seem interesting.

The story is very choppy. Everything is run together that it was difficult to tell who was saying what at times. Sometimes there's quotes, sometimes not. Consider at least structuring the paragraphs in a way that makes it easier on the reader, like so:

Gradra opened the wooden door, her father was chopping potatoes on the wooden table to prepare for dinner.
"Oh what have we tonight?" Said Ragush,
"A big fish?" said Gradra's mother.
"It is a big catch from Rayah," Gradra said, smiling to her little sister.

Anyway, you get the idea.

It sounds like a good start, but whenever you "publish" something for others to read, i always feel that it should be in better form, not so much in raw form, as it appears here.

Keep writing!!

Posted 11 Years Ago

Seems interesting enough, curious to see the rest of it...great job

Posted 11 Years Ago