Bitter

Tattered will and stubborn fury,
a f**k you is wrapped up
in a silently caustic I love you.
Tight lips from behind
a texted smiley face, benign,
an actual f*****g accomplishment
that smiley face so earnest
I could kiss my bloodied-cuticle fingers
for committing to it, pressing send,
hoping with jaw clenched
the embers of hatred
die in the dull trash can of my heart
by morning, or at their earliest convenience.

All I want is the grandma I never met
to stroke my hair and let me squeeze
her strong hand too tight and cry
my furious little bitter tears
because someone important long ago
didn't give a s**t
and I can't even remember who,
all that's left is the vague sense
that I am alone in this world,
so very, essentially alone.