homewreckers

His record is unclean,
he married one and so did she.
Attention span that of a spaniel
each what would be fleeting glance
is a probing gaze,
he doesn't just look, he razes
the fields of faces,
grazing on each one
despite that collar on his finger
that says he has a home
that someone has his name.

I know he wants to know
what it would feel like
and if, how it would be different
if it's what he continues to look for
but I know
that the hunter hunts.

Author's Note

Does this feel true or false? Be real. It needs tinkering. Leaving it for now. May scrap it.

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

I like the close proximity of gaze/raze/faces/grazing (though I might consider moving "grazing" down to begin the next line.) I'm not sure you need "homewrecker" in the first line--it does play nicely off "record", but I think it's also too close to the title, and I think the line reads more smoothly without it. The final three lines of the first stanza are just pitch-perfect. All in all I think it's a very strong piece, and I would limit any changes to minor cosmetic ones.

[M. Shepherd]

Mm good calls.. I'll have to kill my baby on the "homewrecker record" - it's the direct quote that inspired the poem but its a bit much and the title says it.

[M. Shepherd]

Thanks very much for the suggestions. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

don't scrap this...it is a perfect allegory---much like Robert Francis' "Hound"

sort of how life is equivocal--=it will either rend you or befriend you...and this spaniel will do much rending of her heart---and sooner or later that collar will be torn off by her and she will say, just go...whatever you are looking for, you will not find it...some dogs will never be happy with one scent.

[M. Shepherd]

she would have to understand, wouldn't she, being what she has been.. though things complicate with a small one in the picture..
thanks for the thoughts.. :)

[. serah .]

-- it feels true to me... and i know that this is a rather common 'phenomenon' in almost all societies... -- and i especially like that you revealed the thought process behind such behaviour in the second stanza... (in the first three lines)...

-- as for edits, i don't think there's a right way to write... -- just go with how you would say something... if you were free... and wield your freedom of expression... :)