Team Leader Position

I want to kill my teamleader! She’s such a nosy, nagging b***h. Sorry to dump this like a pile of poo in wheel barrel but she is guys. We used to work side by side but never in a cordial manner. There was always this feeling of mutual dislike even though it was never conveyed in words. We were on the same corporate level although when that opening came forward I was filled with ambition. ‘’Yeah, I can be a teamleader at 25. F**k everybody, I’m awesome!.’’, those were my initial thoughts.

I remember the first time I went for the position I was 24 years old and there was a feedback session on my application.This is the bullshit they fed me:

‘’You need to be more known around the building.’’

‘’Get your name out there’’

‘’communicate with other teamleaders’’ etc.

At first I was like a mermaid and as innocent as can be and I actually believed all that bullshit but honestly people are just bullshitters. You can’t get away from bullshitters. They’re everywhere. They’re like fake diamonds; at first you’re like ‘’Wow, that looks amazing’’ and then you look up close and you’re like ‘’Ah no it’s just bullshit’’.

They feel it’s ok to bullshit as if it’s todays criteria to be successful. If you bullshit I would like to f*****g kill you because it’s kind of like the boy who cried wolf. At first you believe it because you’re none the wiser but after while you start noticing a pattern and then that crawls under your skin because you heard the same thing again and again. F**k these people!

When the job opening presented again I had taken all the feedback into consideration from the first time I applied and I was the only one who had moved up the corporate ladder in my team. I thought I would have to be chosen as team leader as I am the most experienced, most known and am straight to the point. I think that’s my mistake. Sometimes being straight to the point hurts people’s feelings. But hey you have to be sometimes otherwise there would be f*****g chaos. I have to state my opinion if someone presents a retarded idea and everybody nods along without thinking because they’re affraid of turning someone’s idea down because it might hurt their feelings. Who cares? Let’s get the job done and let’s do it right. That’s my motto at least.

I still can’t believe she got the position. I’m way more qualified than her. I possess confidence and perhaps a little arrogance but I really try not to be and every time I notice a slight arrogance I try to slap myself out of it. I speak nearly four languages. My english is of the standard of a native speaker whereas she has trouble pronouncing words such as ‘’Occurred’’ she pronounced it as ‘’Occurr-ed’’. How the f**k do they make her team leader when she posses the same amount of vocabulary of a four year old.

Now that she is team leader she really thinks she’s boss. There’s nothing worse then you already not liking a person and then they end up getting to the next level. If she was a competent person then I would gladly accept it but she’s not. She’s of low intelligence and she would screw anybody over and snitch on other people even though she is such a hypocrite.

I have thought off getting some itchy powder and sprinkling it on her scarf. Or maybe getting some laxatives and let her feel my wrath without her knowing it was me. On an important day and squirting a few drops in her coffee while she’s off being didactic and coaching people on how to present in front of an audience when she knows nothing. When she comes back to her desk she has a few sips of her coffee and her tummy starts rumbling and that’s when I ask her a piece advice related to work. Her face is going to get all red and flushed but I’m going into to more detail of my question

‘’I just don’t know how this works. I mean I think I should present it in the morning rather than the afternoon because people are more awake. What do you think because you’re quite experienced aren’t you, Daisy?’’ and she’s just at a loss of words and beads of sweat are forming on her forehead.

‘’I think people people would appreciate more in the afternoon and it will give more time to prepare, don;t you think Daisy?’’,Ussually, she would jump at the oppurtunity and share her life experience. Her lower lip is shaking and her entire focus is concentrated on getting to a toilet as swiftly as possible. Hopefully, she s***s herself and it runs down her jeans. Perhaps management would be like ‘’hmmm we made a mistake here. She’s actually incompetent and retarded let’s hire this guy instead’’. Of course this would never happen but it’s just one of those vindictive fantasies we all have sometimes. If it did happen I would throw a party with confetti and balloons.

Let me tell you how dumb she is. I was at my desk working hard as I always do and then she pops over. She always walks through the building with this shake in her a*s completely convinced that she’s attractive. Have you seen girls like this? Some girls who have an a*s are allowed to have a shake in their a*s but she is skinny like a Goal post so it just looks like she’s disabled and needs crutches.

We start talking about the weekend because the work environment requires you to possess the skill of small talk. Personally, I’m not a fan of this type of dialogue since it requires me to bullshit which you know by now it’s not something I would pay front seat tickets for to listen to or perform. I tell her I saw the movie ‘’Vertigo’’ by Alfred Hitchcock and she says ‘’I love all Will Smith Movies...he’s such a talented actor’’

Seriously? Hitchcock is Will Smith now? Just kill yourself. Go jump off something and make it easier for everybody. Ok, I know it’s not that dumb and she possibly confused Will Smith’s movies ‘’Hitch’’ and ‘’Hancock’’ with ‘’Hitchcock’’ somehow. Then again I prefer to believe she needs brain surgery because I just can’t stand her. I really don’t know what to do with people like this. I probably have authority issues and don’t like being told what to do in a derogative manner but then again who does?

Author's Note

the grammar needs checking. I think I could have expanded particular parts and shortened others. I hope you guys enjoy it.