In Search...

Human beings have an eternal quest for something great, something meaningful throughout their lives. Some of us search for material achievements whereas a few search for the meaning of life.

In search…

Like a wandering ship,

from quay to quay, 

from bay to bay,

I search for a ray.

Like a weary Beatle,

not finding a flower right.

Searching for peace, 

To rest during night.

Like a fire-fly,

searching for night,

to flutter, fly free,

like a kite.

Like a bird,

searching for her nest,

where at dusk,

can breathe full chest.

Searching for a soul,

pure and modest,

may be nature itself,

at its best.

Searching for a human,

with no cast and creed,

a man of world,

with no special breed.

Searching for a place,

un-inhabited, wild,

where we can play,

like a child.

Searching for a sky,

with no real ends,

with a real black-hole,

defying all trends.

...Manoj Dagar

Author's Note

Always thankful to all my reviewers...

Reviews

[JayG]

You’re focusing on rhyming to the point where it has more importance than the message.

But the rhyme is an accent, not the purpose of the writing. It must be so perfect to the thought being expressed that the rhyme seems almost accidental.

Here, when you say, “from bay to bay, I search for a ray,” the reader can only say, “A ray of what? And why? And with, "Like a weary beatle, not finding a flower right. Searching for peace, to rest during night,” what kind of beetle seeks a flower at dusk as a bed? And “finding a flower RIGHT?” You forced that ending to provide a rhyme, and it’s obvious.

My point: There’s a LOT to writing structured poetry that’s not obvious when reading it. So some time spent on acquiring the tricks that have been developed over the centuries is always a good idea.

For some things about language that we use but never notice, take a look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. The man is brilliant. And what he says about the flow of words will amaze.

Then, download Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. Lots of people swear by it. It's free here:
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

So… I know this was far from what you were hoping to hear, but since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Manoj Dagar]

Thanks a lot for giving your insights sir.

[Kaye]

Searching for a human,
with no cast and creed,
a man of world,

I um, Like this part a lot. I thought this was a very good write,
enjoyed how it flowed down the page.