Outcast; Misfit

i wrote this when i was a sophomore in high school.

 

            Everybody’s personality is different, some random, most normal, and many yet to discover themselves. Through my life up to sixteen years, my personality is random, and in some way I’m yet to discover what’s missing.

                Sure I got friends and family that love me, but no matter where I go, what I do, how I look or act I get treated like a misfit, an outcast to society. I tend to put myself down, and I never have had self-confidence and I tend to be burdened by humility. My life is nothing like yours and my personality will never be like anyone else’s. I can’t suite anyone but myself and even myself calls itself a misfit.

                The stupid stuff I saw people do when I was younger, I told myself, “Self, you’ll never do that” but I couldn’t make promises to myself and keep them. I heard people talk about how they would like to kill themselves just to get away from the hate of the world. I have heard of people getting psychiatric help, and saw people who have had eating disorders. I’ve seen people become severally depressed and seen people cry over stupid crap. I’ve witnessed broken hearts, broken dreams and watched people suffer. I’ve seen people die inside; I can hear people pray and cry themselves to sleep. I never thought anything like this would happen to me- but all this did.

                “Honey your beautiful”. A famous quote I hear my mom say everyday, “I tend to think she only says it because she has to-or maybe she has nothing better to say”. I consider myself useless, a nobody, a tragic epidemic. Maybe a disease nobody can find a cure for. I’ve never seen myself pretty and I could always loose a few pounds. I don’t believe in myself, I can’t even recall when I’ve done anything for myself and actually felt good about it.

                Yet another question that constantly runs through my head, “Does God consider me a misfit?” to me the answer to that priceless question is “yes”. I think if God didn’t want bad things to happen to people then he shouldn’t let them happen. Maybe God wanted me to be different from everybody else, just a little too different. Maybe - just maybe.

 “Bad things happen to good people” I hate that quote. I try to be the best person I can be to anyone, some appreciate what I do then I have a handful of people who could care less as long as they get what they want. I like to make people happy and I love to watch them smile, it kinda makes me feel like I’ve made a difference. That good feeling only lasts for the moment, then I’m considered a misfit again.

“MIS-FIT”, what does it mean? Being turned away from the world. “I’m the elephant with the pink poka-dots, the gold fish that cant swim, the doll no little girl ever wanted” I try to fit in, I try to talk to people and make new friends but I get turned away. “Would I ruin your reputation if I talked to you, or what if I walked beside you?” I don’t personally ask this to people but I can feel that they don’t want me around. What is a reputation anyway? Defining who you are inside, not by the amount of friends you have, not whoever is your boyfriend or girlfriend, not what kind of music you listen to or the kind of cloths you wear, - but what defines you, who you are on the inside, just being yourself.

One of my best friends said “Be yourself and don’t change for others just to make them like you.” Apparently see where it got me, I didn’t listen to him. This person is the reason why I feel like a misfit, “The elephant with pink poka-dots.” He changed my life and made me realize who I was until he decided himself I didn’t belong. I cant accept the fact for how things turn out. God makes things happen to get his point across, but why? Why when God makes a point people get hurt, people get treated bad and thrown aside like old dirty socks. I wish I could figure God out, but first I still need to figure out myself.

Everyday my heart gets bigger and my personality grows. I become more of who I am instead of what people want me to be. I want people to like me for me not by the judgment of my personality or of my reputation. Changing myself for people is not who I am and its not why I’m here, even though I’ve already made that mistake- I learn from my mistakes and go on. I don’t want people to judge me for what’s on the outside, but for what’s on the inside. I don’t want to accept the fact why I’m here, or how I feel, nor can I change how people feel about me. I can’t make people accept me or love me for just me. But if they cant then that’s just how they are; I guess. I’ve learned to take the good with mostly bad and somehow I’m still here. Better yet I really don’t know why I’m here, people make me feel like I don’t belong- I am the Outcast, the Misfit.

 

Reviews

[gravitylava]

I love it =].
It really portrays how alot of people really feel.
I'm glad you wrote this, because the world needs writing like this.
-michelle

[Velveteen Rabbit]

"Courage, dear heart." You're not as far away from God as you might think.

God loves misfits. He extravagantly pursues outcasts. He loves those whose cheese is falling off their cracker. In fact, misfits are often closer to the kingdom of God than those who feel they have it all together.