Your Garments

I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts of You, Jesus. You are standing in front of me, spreading your arms out as if hung on a cross. Your cream linen garments signify your descent on earth. The cloth wraps around your brass skin, enclosing you in humility. Your brown hair falls over your broad shoulders, curly and full of excellence. Your beauty is filling me with joy, sweet Jesus.

“Come to me my bride.” You murmur, reaching your hand out to me.

I look in to your eyes and am immediately swept away. Your eyes hold such depth, they pull me in to you and surround me with trust. I take a step closer to you. My thoughts are clouded. Something is holding me back from you, my love. I look around for sight of an attacker. But none is to be found.

“Beloved Mandi, come rest in my arms.” Your voice is tender and draws me a step closer. 
My thoughts are then overtaken with fear. I cannot control the anxiety and hesitancy inside of me. I look down and realize I am transparent; my chest is filled with darkness. I want to vomit. I want to expel this dark cloud of evil. Tears fill my eyes as I scrape at the sheet of black covering my chest. I feel myself sobbing and hear the groaning within my soul. What is this? Is this who I am? Is this darkness a revelation of my identity? I turn around with my head hung and begin walking away from you, Jesus. I do not deserve you. As I continue walking away I feel like a puppet, controlled by blackness that is beginning to spread from my chest to my arms, my legs, and making it’s way up my neck. I feel as though I no longer exist, I am overtaken by a shadow.

I am still walking…emptiness is all I can grasp and yet feels so far away. I hear my voice every once in a while, saying things I never thought I would, mumbling countless phrases that have no meaning. My eyes are set on the black pavement beneath me. I run in to something, a mirror. I slowly raise my eyes to look at myself. I am completely painted with the darkness that has consumed me. I stare at myself for what seems to be years, in total belief that this is who I am.

Suddenly you appear beside me in the mirror. I turn my face and find yours. Our eyes meet and I pour out the emptiness before you, that which I held on to so strongly. I tell you who I really am. You bring your hands over your face and your shoulders shake as you sob.

“Jesus, why are you crying?” I ask
You sniff and look in to me, in to the deepest parts of me and say “Dearest Mandi, if only you knew how beautiful you are to me. Let me show you what I see.”

I have no other hope than you, so I allow you to wipe the black off of me with your linen garments. You do it with such brokenness, such anguish, crying as you cleanse me. As black washes off my being I am made new. I notice how the blackness leaves no stain on your robe.

“How are you doing this?” I ask

“I am perfect, I cannot be stained.”

You finish purging me with such love and adoration. You step back to look at me and smile “Now you are made new.”

I turn to look in the mirror and am astounded. My jaw drops. After a few minutes of silence and stupor I manage to ask “How have you turned something that was broken, helpless, and evil into such beauty?”

“The power that resides in my name is beyond comprehension. My love is not confined by conditions.” You say and appear behind me, wrapping your arms around my waist. “You are my bride, I desire for your purity.”

Being in your embrace causes me to shake, tears flow freely down my cheeks. As I fall deeply in love all I can say is “Jesus”

You bring your lips to my ear and murmur “You are mine forever, love. Don’t let the darkness try to take over your identity, for by my perfect sacrifice you have been made righteous. I am your Savior and have taken every bit of your darkness upon me. But death could not hold me down. The veil has been torn, and now I can love on you forever.”

You turn me to face you and stare in to my eyes, filling me with so much love and beauty I just know it’s overflowing. You hold my gaze as time stops. I am captivated by you and nothing can stop us. Our eyes are both burning with passion, surging with affection. I could stay like this forever. Your lips curve into a smile, the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I can’t help but smile too. Laughter overtakes us as we fall deeper in love. My laughter turns to tears of joy, such joy. I step closer to you and rest my head on your bosom, your arms enfolding me.

“I want to stay here forever, Lord. Please don’t ever let me go.”

“I won’t, my bride, I won’t. I promise.”