Crying Out

Written on 6-30-2013

Unbidden thoughts and severed hope,
I need the Way out.
I try to make sense of things,
To find something substantial.

I can talk all day
Yet still walk away with nothing.
"It's all a matter of time," I say...
But is it?

I search for a glimmer of reason,
Unable to leave myself.
Confusion is driving me insane,
I wish to give it all up.

They tell me to never give up,
When maybe that's all I need.
To lose control; surrender
Far past survival.

Is it really all about my desires?
Training them to be a certain way
When it feels so fake.
Is what I want down that road?

Does what I want even matter?
No. A firm no.
It's not even about me,
Yet that's what I pursue.

Is it not selfish to seek what you want,
What will fulfill you,
And make you truly happy?
'Cause I know that is God.

That's one thing I can mean 100%
When all else fails,
He never does.
He's the one I want, need, and seek.

Then why do I feel so empty?
Like I can be filled with this and that,
Yet it goes right through.
I am but a vapor, easily missed.

Have you left me, Father?
I feel so abandoned.
I know its all my fault
And I can't bear it.

Anguish is a beautiful thing.
Or so I'm told.
It's what leads to true joy
And there must be a balance.

I ask to be broken and killed,
To suffer and let go.
The process is painful,
Nothing quick.

My heart is so heavy.
I feel the tension in my chest,
Tightening and suffocating me.
Anxiety burns my lungs.

Sickness. That's all it is.
 Am I wrong?
Probably.
Oh well, I always am.

I can sense the depression,
Unwilled, can't allow my focus
To go in that realm.
For I know where it ends.

What's within it is indescribable.
Days wasted in being stranded.
Air is nothing but a 3 letter word,
And gone.

I'm crying out!
"Just take it, take it."
My tears have tapped out,
I need a washing in The River.

RENEWAL PLEASE...Daily...

Reviews

[wordman]

a very touching poem love it can put you high on a mountain top
or bring you all the way down you done a great job on this