the pain

The pain you cause my heart
You not calling or writing is like a dart in my heart
Few people have found me balling the reason is your inconsideration
I just want to flee when the  subject comes up go emotionless to get through the conversation
No glee when that name is mentioned the many disappointments you have caused
I cant put you as a foe in my mind o how I wish I could hate you let you go
I bet you don’t even think about it twice
I blink and the time has gone bye a month maybe to haven’t even called
The fee is my happiness it gets to me bad
And You expect to be called dad ?
That name is earned not just given
Sure ill take some blame may be a 2 way street I could call but shouldn’t you want to more than i?
You get mad I don’t call you dad
All I want is a simple hello or hi even
Any day really don’t wait that 4 months to call
Some one brings you up and I ball
I try to hide the pain it’s so hard why cant I shut it off like all the other stuff
You have such pride ya she my daughter
But really you lied a daughter you would call want to talk to know how she is everyday
If you knew what was in my heart you would be scared
If you ever would dare to ask although I know you wont
I don’t expect a thing from you any more
You think I am dumb
I can read right through your stabbing words
I will fight for what I love  you say I love you when you do contact me I don’t see this as love
Im not going to bend for you anymore I am going to plan my life you want to be in it you will have to fight
I want to feel filled not have that empty space
I have to pace my heart when you call because I am afraid
I wish you had a clue of that pain I have
I have no gain from getting excited over anything because I just get disappointment
I feel like I could bust sometimes I see the messages to other people don’t take a minute to write to me
Yet you fight for the name dad? You have to earn that
The more days go bye the pain grows more
Just if you had a clue
I remain blue
If I knew you would never be there I would have stayed away in the beginning
Another day another tear flows
Another beer drank why cant I block you to ?
It has came clear you don’t care all the pain has built up.