The Evolution of Poison Eating Mice: Purge

It's a curse, dancing for the moon to escape a damp pillow case.

When all eyes are closed and my heart is feeling lost.

When yesterday won't let me go and a smiling face becomes my foe; I'm alone.

Drumming my fingers in the cold to keep from touching snow. Singing a song that I don't know to cover the voice that drives me to misery and mind disease.

 

Attempting to suck out the poison only to choke on the bitter taste; feeling crazed from simple talk and deciept.

Distancing myself from the human who doesn't seem to bleed; always remarking the beauty I haven't seen.

 

Reviews

[armadillo]

Firstly- this is a fantastic title for a poem and it made me decide I might like it before -Iread thepoem-whisical and original. Secondly, I like the first two stanzas but not the third. The first two stanzas have somed exceptionally strong imagery ands exciting combinations of words. I got the impression that in the third stanza you were trying to 'finish' the poem and wernt sure how- so it came out a bit trite. If you are not sure how to finish something- don't - leave it maybe it will finnish itself one day. But then again some of the most exciting things to read can be unfinished thoughts where the reader can think them themselves.

Let me tell you some of the things i thought were FANTASTIC about the first 2 stanzas:

The opening line, like the title is brilliant unique and a perfectly captured, expressed thing and ALL of the first stanza lives up to the high standard of this imagery- particularly...drumming the snow to.... only 2 words i might change in the first stanza (mind disease) .. after the strength of the rest of it feels like you have the ability to make abetter, more poetical 2 word imagery for what you mean here.

The second stanza is a nice simpkle expression of where the beginning came from. I think if it had finished here then you would have had a cracking poem. Not sure if I will get asked to rate this afterward but if i do will only rate on the first 2 stanzas which I thought were cracking.

Hope this helps