Mind Games.

Relatable.

Pain is both so quick and unexpected. You never know the time it's going to hit you but when it does it consumes all of you before you have a chance to prepare yourself. You never know the intensity that will follow either.

Everyday the pain waits on my shoulders and sneaks up on me when I think I'm doing better.

I wonder if physical pain would hurt less than this inner pain. 

Our minds can be a very scary and dangerous place. Once we allow ourselves to explore deep into our thoughts, our mind starts to play a never ending video of the stuff we've tried to forget, forcing us to relive the memories and experience the same familiar pain.

Why is it when we look back on our lives we remember the bad, hurtful and embarrassing things that we wished had never happened?

But the good memories...the ones that made us smile and feel so alive, are the ones we detach ourselves from.

I feel like I'm left to stand alone, like no one truly understands me and where I'm coming from... but maybe that's my fault? I can't explain what or how I feel and when I try to, its like the words that come out of my mouth either don't say enough or nothing at all. 

I can't transfer what I feel and what I'm thinking into words for other people to understand, therefore the only one who truly understands me is myself and because of that I can feel myself losing connection with everyone else around me.

 But I left those feelings behind... I started a new journey and changed my life around, so as I'm sitting here writing this why do I feel a part of me that's still sad? there's no reason to feel sad anymore.

I guess it's because for some odd reason I can't let go yet. I still cling on to the past and I'm continuing to not only let it affect my future, but my decisions and ultimately my life. 

You can't find happiness until you find it in yourself first right? That's the hardest part. I feel confused and incapable of my life. 

I'm surrounded by enemies disguised as friends and I'm now unable to tell them apart. I have walls inside of me built to protect myself from the cruel reality of society, that way nothing and no one can leave another mark on my recovering heart. 

So why can't we have the ability to erase certain memories? I understand that we learn from our past, but why are we forced to carry around those moments in our life that brought us down?

 It always hits me, the wave of pain just shoots at me... All those times I was left alone, forgotten about, betrayed.. I had no one but myself, I was left to stand alone... I wish I was able to forget them. I wish I was able to start feeling happy.

However, the hard parts in life aren't what you go through, it's being able to teach yourself to let go of things that need to be forgotten and be thankful for what you have.

Reviews

[Sheridan Kunde]

While not using paragraphs makes it harder to read I get that you are trying to convey the stream of thoughts. A Grammar and punctuation check would stop mistakes being a distraction to the reader.This story is very relatable, conveying the emotions well, and building up to the climax subtly.

[Rees Thomas]

its not the big things that drive a man/woman insane, its the continuation of the small things. Don't let it f**k you up, embrace you're own company because theres worse things than being lonely, like being too late, but usually when you find that out..its too late. Sometimes you got to die a few times, before you can really live

[Rebeca Espadas]

Tears were coming out my eye ducts, this was flawless. I felt like I was talking to myself. It makes me happy that you feel what I deal sometimes. It is definitely one of my favorites!!

[Sam Mallia]

aw thankyou! it makes me happy that i can connect to how you feel, thats the purpose of my writing !

[R_Roy]

"Why can't we have the ability to erase certain memories, I get that we learn from our past, but why are we forced to carry around certain moments in our lives that tore us down? it hits me, the wave of pain just shoots at me... All those times I was left alone, forgotten about, betrayed.. I had no one but myself, I was left to stand alone..." - it really express along with an emotional touch. Interesting.

[Sam Mallia]

thank you :)

[Gemma :)]

This is so very true! An amazing poem with great meaning, you have got talent! You aced everything, bravo!!!

[Sam Mallia]

awe thankyou, really means a lot !

[Gemma :)]

You're very welcome!

[Coyote Poetry]

"You can't find happiness until you find it in yourself first right? "
The above line is true. You went in many directions with the poem. We will have few real friends in a life. I don't betray my thoughts and secrets to no-one. Except maybe with the pen and the paper. All of us get scared and worry for the future. A wise person learn from the past and tried not to repeat. Doesn't help swimming in old mistakes and desires. A powerful story. Would be a good lead for a long and interesting discussion. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don't play any mind games. World is hard enough already.
Coyote

[Sam Mallia]

Thank you for the review and for reading my story, I've definitely taking things from the past and learned from them it's just a matter of forgetting and moving forward :)

[Sam Mallia]

Taken ****

[Coyote Poetry]

We must tried to be kinder and gentle with family and friends. We never know when we will lose them forever. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Sam Mallia]

You're exactly right, shouldn't be taking anyone for granted. You're welcome, it's just to relate to people who are feeling the same, cause their never alone even when they feel like it.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Yeah, I like mind games. The quote from the poem "Why is it when we look back on our lives we remember the bad, hurtful and embarrassing things that we wished had never happened" signifies purgatory is on earth and the after life is an illusion.

[Sam Mallia]

That's an interesting point :)