23rd January

2 years of affair with one man whom I loved Accept it;s wrong. Saw his new lover with him. My heart is heavy and my eyes sting.

A long time ago I was the evil mistress,

Who loved and hated you very much so.

I cut our ties,

Hated the lies,

And hated hurting your other half.

Last night you came out of nowhere,

With some new people- yet without her.

You were buying drinks,

My heart it gave in to the alcohol.

Three months of not seeing you,

Over a year of not f*****g you,

My heart still went a little skitzo.

We end up at the same party hours later.

You ignore me talking to your friends,

I am dying for your attention.

I am drunk, annoyed yet strangely happy.

You finally come by me at 2 am,

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth.

You say you're angry and you know why I am.

You want to talk?

Let's walk....

You go missing while I go to the loo,

Looking for you ... the other one is there too...

You've been with her for about a year,

I was hoping it didn't exist.

She tried to get your attention all night,

Hated that you were talking to me.

Why didn't you want to leave my side?

Surly there isn't something I'm missing.

She goes and dance,

I let the truth pour out of my mouth and my pores,

Over and over I told you how I loved you,

Did everything for you,

You agreed.  "but babe, I told you not to get too attached to me".

Yeah, you're right I won't deny...

But you said you loved me one day,

That took my breath away.

She hated it.

Us talking, you held my hand.

I didn't want to get involved in yet another ex-marital affair.

You have a new lover,

She's older like you,

I think you share the same taste in music,

Her husband cheated on her just like you're doing to your wife.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

4am I'm sobering up,

2L of water later,

I tell you, you smell wonderful,

I miss you,

I loved you,

I still crave you- but won't dare touch you.

I will not hurt your family again.

But your new lover... naive as I was.... looks at you and she's in love.

You speak to her the same way you would speak to me,

With dominance, power and superiority. 

She listens to you and runs to your demands,

I laugh because that's exactly how I was.... When I gave a damn.

The green envy in her eyes lit up when you came too close,

So she took her bra off in protest for your attention to set on her,

My eyes burned from disgust and all I could do was laugh.

You took her home to your new house where your wife and you have built,

She's still in your own home packing your things,

Does she know where you are at 5am now?

Not with me.....

You asked me to come stay with you too,

I shook my head and said 'I loved you but we are certainly through'.

I looked at your lover and you and said I knew how it felt,

But I wasn't getting involved,

I'm 25, your 45... and Jesus she's looking old.

So.... 'A'......... One day I'll show you this what I wrote,

But not right now.

There's too much to process in my mind.

I will love you til the day we both die,

I will let memories mar my mind,

But I will not hurt those who love you again.

Take care my friend,

Until we meet again.