The Narrative, The Prayer, And The Lesson

Today, my sole desire was to write about a subject
of a pleasant, happy sort, not lacking stimulation; 
yet was stymied by that creative vein flowing endless,
in the direction of increasing degeneration.

Still, I forced my eyes to train their darkened focus
Upward and towards the more ascending perspective – 
taking the moment, of autumn hued leaves, to notice
some still tinted green with summer’s passing impression.

And where clouds had drifted into and clouded my mind, 
For which I knew the blame lay entirely with me…
For by my own admission had a storm brewed within, 
And begun wreaking havoc of rain, hail, snow, and sleet. 

Then sole resident of my soul saw fit to utter words,
Soft, symbolic, utterly meaningful and penetrating:
“I sent the sun to re-illuminate your flooded worth;
When there is light, why resign yourself in obstinacy? “

My understanding acknowledged half-heartedly, at first;
Until my desolately overcast orbs gazed outward,
- Past raindrops gathering strength in their welling birth –
And saw sky alight and clear with His gift unearned.

Only then did complete realization achieve its full form:
Sun? Son. Light? Light. – This was Illumination, my life.
The riddle became as glass, the answer cleaned crystal;
The rays streamed in, filling rooms unfurnished inside.

Oh, remorse…I apologize, Lord, how severely I struggle so…
He is always present, visible atop my pliable surface,
But I am impenetrable - Jesus and me are pretty close…
But…still not to where I cease to withdraw my trust.

He knows my situation, sees the picture and substance…
I am His, yet…He and I…we are like water and oil.
I slide Him on when I require Divine convenience,
And slip Him off when gloomy or annoyed by His voice.

Forgot thirst for the pounding rain, His boat for flood;
Missed forest for the trees, or perhaps the other way around…
Lost my way in regrets and past ghosts of the haunted wood;
Overlooked the good for the bad, and the smile for the frown.

Will Gardener explore and clear the plot of my heart?
Burn away the rotting stumps and trim unruly bushes…
Remind me that growing seeds need Living Light and Water;
mineral enriched dirt to nurture and teach their roots.

A wild bit of beauty am I, a teeming being He created in me;
Lest I forget whom I trust, the One to whom I pray…
Forgive me, my misplaced trust, the planting of weeds…
Forgive me, lost innocence, restoring inner Eden from disarray.

Brother, Savior You led me back through the Father’s gate;
Papa, Father, You forgave, welcomed, stroked my bowed head;
Lover, Redeemer, you embraced me, I again stand part your Bride;
Restore me to you, Lord, Lover, Brother, Father and Friend.