Could Not, Cannot, Won't Let Me See

Pain. Suicidal. Dark. Aching to escape, because the guilt of just...existing is too much to bear.

last night the blackness crept over me,
inching fingers playing upward, onward past spine.
dark shroud clouded sight - I could not see.

...Could Not See...

last night  memories poured rain on spilling sea...
echo, echoing droplets shattered...everywhere, eating away.
falling mist dissolved vision - I could not see.

...Could Not See...

last night playing with my life, controlling everything.
couldn't crawl beneath my skin, to their chagrin.
so palms obscured my eyes - I could not see.

...Could Not See...

life - menacing, repetitious "filth, dirt, filthy, dirty"
runaway, called me, inside she still resides, itching.
flying heels stirring dust, grime - I could not see.


life is not dirty...
it's all me.
last night unseen...
too late for me.

tonight lights blink out; left abandoned and lonely.
sleep always departs - body will lie in swarthy solitude
oppressively staring at me...and I cannot see...

I won't let me see.

Author's Note

Thoughts? Suggestions? This is a style of my own...though no fear, these thoughts have long since passed.