the girl next door.

women can't describe them in a thousand words, they are a blessing from the lord to men.some are full of joyed and passion ,i knew a girl like that  the girl next door .i could feel  her presence without her being their,we weren't much of a friend .she was not much of a talker herself but yet when i stare into her eyes i see a whole different storie.my heart would beat non stop  trying to figure out how would i ever approach her with my feelings for her.saturday nigh was her birthday not sure i would be getting invited,but i did .her mother had a strong friendship with my father .i was extremelly nervous not knowing what type of of gift that would give her joy.i had bought her a bracelett design specially deisgned  with her name on it.that night was imaginary i approach her with a nervous look. she lool amazing wearing a blue dress coverd with red roses .her mysterious eyes were stunning i had give her the gifted she stared at me with a currious look . i stared back all i can think of was what are her thoughts are. she gave me a hug then quickly gave me a peck in the chick then walked away slowly . i quickly grabe her hand and drag her closer to me then kiss her right on the lips .she frozed with a shocked look on her face their my heart stop ,asking my self if what i've done was the right dicisison.she quickly went back to her room and locked the door.since the encounter we would avoid seing each other for weeks,untill friday night we met at her friends house . she was stunned not knowing how to react ,her friends knew about that event that taook place at her birthday partie.they would not speak but stare with curiosity . i asked her to meet me oustside in an hour ,we met outside she moved towards me slowly.i had appologized for the inccident then she look at me then slowly kissed me on the lips then said "if i share   my heart with you will you take care of it as if it was your own".i stared at her with a huge grattitude and said yes with all my heart.

written by :Makenson,zamy

Author's Note

I'm not much of a r writer I'm just a beginner please feel free to send any feedback .

Reviews

[Leticia Louise]

It's a good start but there are a few punctuation, grammatical, and spelling things that are incorrect. Also you write more of a recount than a story. You just need to find a way to tell the story with description. You could describe in more detail and use some metaphors and similes. It's off to a great start. Just work on those things and I think you'll be fine. :)

[mae23]

I liked the curiosity of the main character that was expressed but I think you could take it even one step further with even more emotion/description. I agree with the previous review of this piece.
I enjoyed reading this and definitely want to read again if you rewrite!