My Best Kept Secret

When I was little I believed in the word soulmate. I thought that there was one person that I would automatically know would be mine for all eternity. As I grew up and I fell in and out of “love” over and over again, I realized how stupid it was of me to think that a soulmate was real. I more recently learned that love isn’t just an action, it’s a choice you make every single day. Even when they days get hard. Even when it’s really dark. You see from the start, the moment I met you, I made you my choice. I loved you as best as I could, for as long as you would let me. I took great pride in these actions towards you. Even when it got dark. I felt your pain with you. I felt your insecurities with you. I played your video games with you. But I was in the dark. Some ask if even after all this time I would still choose you. My answer is simple. Yes. It didn’t matter to me how hard things got or will get. You were my constant. You are my constant. I have gotten down on my hands and knees at the feet of the Lord and begged for him to rid me of you. I have cried out to other Gods in hope they would hear my cry. Nobody seems to be listening. I made a choice. I make a choice. You were the easiest choice I have ever made. I sit here in my struggle and wonder why it was so easy for me to choose you when I can’t even choose what food I want for dinner or where I want to go after college. You were an easy yes. A love that I carry forever. I struggle to write essays for homework yet I sit here in silent confidence writing this about you now because it is still too damn easy to choose you. You would think that after being told that I was used by you, that I wasn’t good enough for you, and even that I was worth more than you, something would have clicked. Yet you are still too damn easy to choose. This choice of choosing you, is my best kept secret. Because it’s not a secret if everyone knows the truth but you. 

Author's Note

ignore errors this just a healthier way for me to cope with life

Reviews

[John Cardwell]

Your thoughts seem clear, although your path may not. You are gonna get through this and kick the world's a*s. Good luck.

[Poetic Beauty]

The heart doesn’t always let us walk away easily and sometimes we choose to stay even when we shouldn’t want to. Sometimes walking away is a choice as well