i don't like you

written about someone no longer in my life, thank god.

i don’t like you.
you are a snake in my gut,
a rut of fears;
i am drowning in it.
i don’t like you,
the way you smile
like you have knives for lips
or blood for a tongue,
your laughter a stab wound to the face.
i drag myself down,
the sound of my death
in the ground by my head,
a shout of the pain to come.
i don’t like you,
you with your eyes like safety pins
holding me to a moving carousel,
an endless circle of hatred,
cold hands and snapped necks
filling dreams with death and
breath not meant for living people.
i don’t like you.
you make me feel like my life is over,
you make me feel like I’m staring down
the barrel of a gun,
waiting for the moment of my departure,
my eyes filled with rapture
at the sight of my capture by God.
it is only life after death that can save me,
it is only rising from my grave
like water on flame that i will be consoled.
i don’t like you
and i never will.
you can pet me like an animal,
say i am good all you want
but it is not the truth.
it is a tooth pulled from fleshy gum
that is told it is healthy,
it is roadkill run flat
that is told it is living,
it is me and you,
told we are harmonious,
like nails in a blender.
out of all my nightmares
you are the one that remains,
a dark stain on my mind,
run insane by the sensation
of lit propane on my skin.
it is time you were taken back home
to the hole you call a bed,
it is time you were shown the exit sign,
graciously glowing green above my mind.
there is no more room for madness here.
you are no longer welcome here.

Author's Note

I never use capitals in my poetry so ignore that, it's on purpose. I also want to know if it was gritty/dark enough. I feel like I struggle to get macabre emotion in any of my writing, so if that doesn't show I'd like to know. I'd also like to know if there's any way I can improve that :) Also, I'm very new to putting rhymes in my poetry, so let me know if I pulled that off or if it failed massively.

Reviews

[M. L. F.]

Hmmm... I tend to be the opposite.. read my work. I rhyme too much, like the cat in the hat lol... Alas, I also like dark, and write dark. I think you had some really beautiful lines here:

This one is quite dark and powerful,

filling dreams with death and
breath not meant for living people.

This one is great:

waiting for the moment of my departure,
my eyes filled with rapture
at the sight of my capture by God.

Favorite and most beautiful stanzas:

it is only life after death that can save me,
it is only rising from my grave
like water on flame that i will be consoled.

I also write about an awful person who is now gone... better out than in... I hope to read more of your work. Thank you for sharing.
..Misty

[M. L. F.]

In fact, I am reading the first one I told you in the review is dark and powerful, and to be honest it is plain gorgeous... Keep squeezing emotion like that out. Great work..

[Matilda Ann]

thank you so much for your feedback, both here and in your first review. i really appreciate it! :)