Are You The Driver or Am I?

If I knew why, I'd tell you.

I cannot watch myself sleep

when my mind is awake and

outside of myself.

I cannot watch myself react.

Shameless is my name when

I stay up late and think about 

other people's desires of you.

There is a door in the room

that I will never open, 

because on the other side is thoughts

of desire that overcrowd

the way I have looked at you.

My mom always told me I get mean when I think.

My desire hides behind the door, 

no less scared than you are when

you stand between the fences. 

I am insecure in the way I go about my day,

vitamins and coffee before brushing my teeth,

after spending ten minutes in bed with 

a pounding heart thinking

maybe this is the day

I've lost you. 

I never will.

That is what I have said

about everything in my life

that I lose. 

I never will.

I don't want to sleep

under the sheets tonight.

My brain is taking the car keys

but my heart lost them long ago.

Maybe one day it will teach my brain

not to start the car at midnight.

Maybe if I leave now I can throw

the keys out the door for you 

but I have realized

I am insecure about our security.

Maybe if I leave now,

I can have my vitamins and coffee

before brushing my teeth,

after spending ten minutes in bed with

a pounding heart thinking

maybe this is the day

I've 

lost 

myself.

Reviews

[conversations with her ..]

im shaken up by this one, i really enjoyed it

great work!

[Eagle Cruagh]

What have you done with self ? Lost yourself ? No I think just misplaced is more the truth.
I suggest that you find that part of yourself that you really enjoy---Share it with a friend.
-----Eagle Cruagh

[Daniel Weintraub]

I can appreciate you being able to express anxiety in a way that comes across as mundane. I don't think a lot of people realize that anxiety isn't just about panic attacks, in fact, most of the time it goes unnoticed by anyone. A regular day can make you feel trapped as much as a bad day for seemingly no reason at all.