Silver

I don’t think I’ve ever gone a day

Feeling like there was somewhere I could go.

You’re just a sliver of the want to be gold,

Or not quite the right sweater.

 

Because a tear is just another paper doll,

And the only time I breathe in life,

Is when I feel steel, or look up to stars,

And ride with eyes that do not know me.

 

Eyes that wander, and think I have beauty,

 Like noise rain makes on damp wood.

I wonder if they would listen to my voice,

If I was less softened, and wore longer skirts.

 

A dull word is just another dull sound,

Lace up your boots and catch our bus,

To hear them march and say the same,

Words after words they don’t even hear.  

 

Madison street is where I went,

To see eyes that looked in their own

direction, and a shade of white

they don’t dare wear on this night.

 

Reviews

[Sara-Hannah Carver]

This poem was very nice. I like the fact that you were able to describe silver without even using the name. It was quite clever.

[MoriartyMesa]

Stiff emotion to the point. nice.

[Vikrantsingh]

Harley, this poem is magnificent and really loved the start of it :)

"I don’t think I’ve ever gone a day
Feeling like there was somewhere I could go.
You’re just a sliver of the want to be gold,
Or not quite the right sweater.

Because a tear is just another paper doll,
And the only time I breathe in life,
Is when I feel steel, or look up to stars,
And ride with eyes that do not know me."

This is really wonderful poem Harley - Lori thanks for sharing :)
- Singh :)

[Jo]

A nice piece of cynicism, eloquently put. You sustain a strong and appropriate tone of heaviness throughout that gives this poem soul.

[Clockwork]

What really caught my attention about this poem is that you have a very strong voice. You capture the readers attention, and you make us look in our own direction, as you describe at the end of the piece. Its special when a writer is able to do that, and I think its something that is to be treasured.

There is a lot that I like about this piece. The third stanza really got my attention. The mix of sound and sight with your simile in line two was really interesting. I think the though works, and really delivers a unique way of experiencing that feeling. Your last two lines in that stanza deliver a striking social commentary about gender, and how men perceive women.

I'm truly captivated by your imagery, and the maturity of what you've done with this one.

[DJ]

Congratulations on your contest win! This is a very well written and interesting piece, I got captured by the imagery. A very vivid write, well penned :)

[DogDrawler]

A real heartwarming poem that looks like it was made by the world's greatest poet! :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

Harley, that's quite a caliber of talent for such a tender age! Embrace these years, nurture what's inside of you...you already have the ability to shine!

My best,
Kelly

[Mike Cole]

Your poem is very vivid and very well done you're very talented keep writing!