Prolouge

The beginning

Your daughter hates you. How does that make you feel? Ashamed I would think but no, you think its right, well news flash, parents-who-messed-up-their-daughters life, you didn’t. You made it a living hell hole and she’s stuck their. She tries to forgive you but it doesn’t work you’ve messed up too much. Take a good look at what you have. Cherish her, love her, and don’t ever yell at her because the nest thing you know POOF! She’s on the floor, blood around her and letters in her hand. There labeled with her friend’s names. You search the pile 3 times over and no Mom or Dad labeled letters. You cry knowing now what you did but guess what? It’s too late. You hit her, insulted her, and made her cry because she knew you didn’t love her. You caused this, you know but don’t believe. Instead you blame the school for homework load, her friends for pressuring her into things, boys for making her do things she didn’t want to, and songs and music for corrupting her brain. But it’s the complete opposite you see. School was difficult but the work she didn’t understand but that wasn’t the reason. Friends were scarce but the ones she had kept her going knowing she would cause them pain. Boys were mission impossible because she thought of herself as ugly and fat. Music was the only thing that made her happy other than her friends, it kept her believing that when she got famous and married she would never contact her parents thank them or do anything for them because they hated her.

You bought her thing she wanted like shoes, clothes, electronics and multiple inanimate objects. But you never gave her what she needed the most to get through a bad day, love. You never told her you loved her and you never even gave her a birthday party after the age of 11. She only got one present that day and it was a jewelry box and a pink bear and do you know who that was from? Her friend. You should be ashamed to even think your good parents. You should be ashamed you never told her anything good. You should be ashamed that when she would show you and A+ on a paper you would shrug it off. You should be ashamed that when she didn’t get a good grade you hit at her and yelled.  Most of all you should be ashamed that you never ever told her to follow her heart or her dreams. 

Author's Note

Comments? Improvements? Don't just say it's bad...

Reviews

[Kira]

Mmmm...sounds kind of like a few things I've heard before. A girl doesn't have many friends, her parents are the loveless kind, etc. I've even written a story exactly like this before.

Also, it's not a very powerful last sentence, like a watered-down over-used stick-on. Needs something...more.

But I digress. There's no way to really tell where this is going until the next chapters are up. I'll read on with interest.

[MissVixen]

Overall, it seems to be building up into a powerful piece. My suggestion (seeing as its a prologue to a bigger story) is that to introduce some charater names. It might be cliche or over used but maybe add something like "My name is ..... and this is my story" or something like that.

[Left this Sorry]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the help and I'll get to the next few chapters in a while because I have homework to do. No fun but being a freshman isn't easy. I'll try and get a chapter up somewhere between Tuesday-Friday. Once again Thank you!

[SilentDreamer]

Everything that Ru Banerjee said is true. You asked for a review specifically. I have ten pages of writing to read. But I went to yours cause you asked. So here it goes. Mauricio said that you need a who, what, where, when. But it's a prolouge- you don't nessarasarily NEED that. Not having it can create a kind of intruige, mysterious element to the prolouge. I really like how you wrote it, though at times it may seem as though you're telling us rather than showing. I hope in the next chapter you show us the plot, the main character, the setting. And show, use imagery, detail. It is not bad- I don't hate it! I like it, but there are ways to improve. Keep writing! Bring your story to life.

~Also there are a few grammatical problems but I don't really pay attention to that. I don't mind. But maybe you wanna fix that anyways? Like the use of there and their.

[Ru Banerjee]

The theme as you try to build up in the prologue is strong and potent with a very relevant social/emotional subject, the feeling of oppression and alienation and the resultant bitterness in a young girl's mind which she tries to articulate in her mind as some kind of an inner conversation/dialogue. If you are going to approach it as a journey into the young girl's soulful revelation of herself, her home, her family, her social settings, her physical world (i mean to say in the following chapters of the book), the best thing you can do about it is unfold those strands in all their emotional depth and bring out as many dimensions of exposition of characters and scene, upholding your point of view in some images and metaphors (that is one way of approaching the task, i am not sure what is your take on that, but it is a way you can consider your narrative). Your perceptions of this subject can be strongly engraved in the minds of the readers with creating trust with them from the opening, and you have to do that gradually, scene by scene, chapter by chapter with immense soul-searching and introspection. I guess this part will be the real challenge of constructing the book and framing your experience as a writer, along with it. Wish you all the best with your journey with the following chapters and wish it comes out to be a graphic, detailed inner journey into a young girl's soul.

[Left this Sorry]

Ok thanks! I was planning on getting to that in the next part :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

I'm no expert when it comes to writing stories but I think we need some kind of starting point as in whos, who and what's, what. after all you got what it takes to write just fill in the blank stops.