Can’t choose a title...

Do I call this VOID? or HOPE?

One day there was a hole

where my faith should be.

I ransacked my

soul

psyche

subconscious

will

heart

conscience

mind

for any sign of a belief

in God

Heaven

prayer

an afterlife

a higher power.

Where once was a warmth

comforting knowledge

that everything would be all right

now is empty.

Losing something irreplaceable

grieving

I have to put on a good face.

Be a proud Atheist.

Don't let on how much I 

miss that indescribable

unmeasurable

priceless

piece of me that was.

Hope is double-edged blade.

When I stumbled

upon a tiny shred of it

in the farthest corner

of the most random place, 

I did not want to take it.

* Ma

A Japanese concept

so simple

yet illuminating

in this dark.

The pure

imperative nothingness

between all things.

Ma.

A throughly clean

hollowness of possibilities

like a vow

yet to be fulfilled.

Hope.

Applying Ma to my dilemma,

the void from the lack of faith

isn't not

bad

permanent

but somewhere to fill

with something new.

Maybe beliefs

and convictions and warmth

that is 

better

improved

enriched

mended.

One day.

Hope.

Author's Note

the * mark is where the kanji for Ma is supposed to go, but the format won’t work, so I put it as the picture.

Reviews

[Brett Moore]

I really relate to this. We can be so entrenched in our faith or beliefs sometimes that learning to cope without is tough. Faith is a crutch we are taught to lean on for anything and everything. When it's not there anymore, it's sometimes like you can't remember how to stand on your own two feet. I will say that the analytical mind that made you question will ultimately rationalize the aftermath too. You are all you will ever need in this life. You and those you love. We are all capable of more than we let ourselves believe. If we must have faith in something, it should be ourselves. Can I get an Amen?

[Rosilani Murdoch]

Wow. Its really nice to read what you wrote and know that I am not the only one who has struggled with this. Thank you so much for saying that. Since The moment I lost my faith I have had to find ways to make up for it, or try to. Like when I lost the feeling in two of my fingers in my left hand I had to relearn basically everything. Typing, washing dishes, tying my shoes, even picking things up. That is the way I have felt without my faith. Starting with believing in those myself and my loved ones is a good idea. I have tried to put on a good face and keep them out of my head and not let on how hard it is, but maybe I should trust them, give them some credit, you are saying? Thank you.

[Brett Moore]

I think we all need comfort and support. Life is too hard without it. The appeal of God is that there is always something out there watching out for you, even if you can't see it. The hardest times are not so bad, because God has your back. However, God always seems to act through your family and friends to make things better through kindness, charity or good fortune. Subtract God from that equation and you are left with your family and friends supporting and comforting you. I just give credit where I think it's due. My family and friends have always held me up when I was falling down. I don't see how a god has anything to do with that.

[Rosilani Murdoch]

Yes, I agree. I know that there were times in my life that I could not have gotten through without my family, like when my brother committed suicide. It wasn’t until I had a crisis of faith that I started to look at things with an unbiased eye and things like this quote by Blaise Pascal made sense. "La foi embrasse plusieurs vérités qui semblent se contredire."