Forever ~ Chapter Three

           Ines Taylor anxiously waited as the passengers exited the plane. She had been so excited when her daughter had phoned with the news of her arrival for the Holidays, and to announce that she was bringing a friend. Now, Ines stood impatiently awaiting the arrival of the mysterious friend who had so quickly stolen Jessica's heart. She wondered what he would be like. It was typical for a Mother to worry about her daughter's relations. Especially ones she met at college.
           As Jessica came into view, Ines let go of her husband's hand. Hugging her daughter, she whispered, "It's good to see you again." Pulling back, Ines paused in order to get a better look at her daughter. "You're looking a little thin dear, but beautiful."
           "Oh Mom, I could weigh as much as a herd of elephants and you'd still tell me I looked a little thin."
           "Well honey, that's what Moms are for."
           "Dads too," Norman commented, stepping forward to embrace her. "Welcome home, honey."
           Jessica took the hand of a young man standing next to her. "Mom, Dad, this is Julian Monet."
           "Pleased to meet you," he said stretching out his hand. He was tall with dark hair and a handsome face. Ines was quite impressed with this new stranger. Of course, Jessica was quite taken with him too. Who knows, maybe he would be the right one for Jessica. Whatever the case, Ines was not going to push things. This time Jessica had to overcome things by herself.

 

 

          Julian watched out the window at the beautiful New Hampshire scenery as they drove to Jessica's home. The mountains were beautiful this time of year, and the tall thin trees displayed their array of colors. Not only was Julian impressed with the scenery, but with Jessica's parents as well.
           Norman was a large man with thinning dark brown hair, who had once played professional football. He had a good sense of humor, and an aura that seemed to put you at ease. Her Mother, Ines, was a thin woman who was also small in stature. But what she lacked in size, she made up for in personality. She was so outgoing and talkative that she was a joy to be with.
           Finally, the car rounded the corner and pulled into the driveway of a huge mountain home. The landscape was breathtaking and the surrounding countryside added beautifully to the features of their large home. As Julian unloaded his things from the car, he noticed a young man stepping out of the house. He was tall with brown hair, and not much older than himself. Running over, Jessica threw her arms around him in a tight embrace, spinning around.
           “David!” she exclaimed. “I thought you weren’t coming home!”
           “What? And miss Thanksgiving with the family?”
           Taking his hand, Jessica brought him over to where Julian stood with the luggage. “Julian, I want you to meet my older brother, David.” Smiling she looked up at her brother. “David, this is Julian.”
           “Pleased to meet you,” Julian said, politely shaking his hand.
           “It’s always nice to meet Jessica’s friends. Especially one she’s daring enough to bring home from College. How much did she have to pay you, eh?” he teased, poking Jessica in the side.
           “David!” She laughed. “Cut it out!”
           “Anything for you.”
           “Hey you two, let’s not just stand around in the driveway,” Ines motioned towards the house. “I’m sure Julian would like to go inside.”

 

 

          Thanksgiving with the Taylors was unlike anything Julian had ever experienced. That morning everyone was up bright and early, getting ready for the holiday. As Jessica and Julian cleaned the dining room, the smell of turkey filled the air. “I remember when you tried to cook me dinner,” Jessica laughed. “That was the best “manicotti” pizza I have ever eaten!”
           “Very funny, how would you like a steak next time?”
           “Sure,” she giggled. “I’ve always enjoyed Chinese takeout.”
           “What? No more pizza?” Julian grabbed a cookbook from the counter and began chasing her around the room. “You’d just better watch your step honey, or I’ll be making your dinner every night!”
           “Oh yeah? Is that a threat or a promise?”
           With that, he reached out for her, tripping her up and they fell to the floor laughing. “What manners,” he teased, getting up and brushing himself off. Holding out his hand, he helped Jessica up from the floor. “What would your Mother think?”
           “Oh, I’d just tell her I was attacked by a great gourmet.”
           That night at dinner, the entire family sat around the small dining room table and enjoyed the huge meal that Ines had prepared. David and Jessica teased each other and soon the parents joined in as well. Julian watched almost unbelievably. His family barely exchanged words with each other, and physical contact was unheard of. Yet here sat Jessica’s family laughing, and teasing, and hugging each other.
           Julian began to feel jealous of the bond this family shared. He had always hoped that someday he would have a family of his own, and when he did he wanted them to be like this. He was not going to deprive his own children of the very thing he had been deprived of all his life – a REAL family. He was consumed in his own thoughts, Julian barely heard the question Norman had been asking, and asked him to repeat himself.
           “I was just wondering what your family had planned for Thanksgiving, Julian?”
           His family? They were all getting together with the LaFlurs, the Daniels and the Charlestons for a large expensive feast. They would sit around the table discussing Sunrose Corporation and whatever else concerned them currently in the financial world. They were always talking about Sunrose, as if it was the only f*****g thing his parents cared about. When were they going to realize that they had a son? A living, breathing extension of themselves that needed love and attention too.
           "Julian?" Norman asked. "Are you okay?"
           "Excuse me," Julian stammered, quickly standing up. "I need to get some air."

           Outside, Julian sat down on the porch and looked up at the moon, and within minutes Jessica was beside him.
           "I'm sorry, Jessica, but I just couldn't stay in there."
           "If someone said something to hurt you..."
           "No Jess, what you have is wonderful. Your family is wonderful. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. But it brings up memories from the past. Things I couldn't deal with then and can't begin to deal with now."
           "What do you mean?" Jessica asked, sitting down next to him and taking his hand in hers.
           "My parents aren't exactly the parenting type. My Father has a business to run and my Mother is an intricate part of that business. They never expected to have children. Luckily, they didn't believe in abortion. I was passed around a lot until I was old enough to stay home alone, which I did most of the time. Then I was shipped off to boarding schools, only to come home for the Holidays. I don't know why I thought America would be different.
           "My Father opened The Sunrose Corporation here, but it wasn't good enough for him to let the Americans deal with it. He called them “incompetent fools” and decided to come here himself, bringing with him some of his best men, leaving his other top men to run the Company throughout Europe. So, I came too. I wanted to attend school here, and I thought maybe in America, things would be different. How wrong I was."
           "But your parents got you an apartment, they pay your rent," Jessica added.
           "You don't understand. It was dishonorable for a great man like my Father to have his son living in poverty in a college dorm room."
           "What about the new car?"
           "Don't you get it? This is all just a big image thing for them. All of their lives, all they have ever cared about was their reputation, the power, and the money. They hated the idea of their son driving a beat up Corvette. They've tried for years to convince me to get rid of it. Finally they decided that if they couldn't get me a different type of car, at least they'd get me a new one. That way their precious reputation couldn't be blemished."
           "It's so hard for me to understand. My parents and I have always been close."
           "I wasn't a child to them, I was a burden. They didn't want me, and they certainly didn't need me in their lives. Occasionally I was used for publicity purposes, but that was just it, I was used. Do you have any idea what it's like to feel like a piece of property, used only when it's convenient?"
           "Julian, I can understand how you feel..."
           "No. You don't. Hopefully you never will."
           They sat in silence for a moment, watching the sky as tiny white flakes began to fall from the darkness. "Oh look, Julian, it's snowing," Jessica stood up and walked out onto the lawn. "It's so beautiful."
           Standing, Julian watched her turning in the snow. He walked over to her and gently took Jessica into his arms. As they looked into each other's eyes, they knew that for now things had been resolved. There was no more for them to say, too much had already been said.
           “I love you,” Julian whispered, kissing her softly.

 

 

          The next morning, Julian awoke as David entered the den. "I hope you don't mind, but the game is on and I wanted to watch."
           "No, go ahead," Julian told him.
           "So, how was the couch last night?" David asked, sitting down next to him.
           "I must admit, it left something to be desired." Sitting up, Julian ran his fingers through his hair and pulled on his shirt. "Sorry about last night, I didn't mean to get carried away."
           "Don't worry about it," David told him. "I guess we're all used to that type of thing around this house. It's not like we've never had anyone walk out in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner before."
           "I feel terrible," Julian confessed. "Your parents must think I'm a real jerk."
           David watched him for a moment, then pointed to a picture on the mantle of the fireplace. "Do you see that portrait up there?" he asked, "The one of Jessica?"
           Julian stood and walked over to the fireplace where he found a photograph of Jessica. She was sitting next to a young man who looked very much like her, and they were wearing matching sweaters.
           "That's one of the best pictures we have of the two of them.” David told him. “His name is Joshua, he's Jessica's twin brother."
           Twin brother? Jessica had a twin? Why hadn't she ever told him, and why wasn't he here? Turning to look at David, Julian's face filled with confusion.
           "Why didn't she tell me?" Julian asked, he just didn't understand.
           "I was pretty sure Jessica hadn't told you about him, she still has a hard time dealing with the fact that he’s gone. In fact, I don’t think I should have been the one to tell you about it.”
           “He’s gone? Where? Really David, you can’t just show me the picture and then walk away from this. You have to tell me what’s going on.”
           “You’re right. But first, I need for you to understand what life for our family was like, and the events that led up to his death.”
           “Death? You mean....” Julian asked, shocked at the revelation.
           “Yes, Joshua died about four years ago. It was very hard on the family, especially Jessica. While we were growing up, Joshua and Jessica were very close. In fact, we used to call them the Siamese twins. But as they got older, they began to go their separate ways. I could tell how hard it was for Jessica to see her brother going through the trials of adolescence, and I was often by her side when she needed someone to talk to.
           "As sophomores, Josh hooked up with a bad crowd. These kids that weren't exactly the best influence over him, and soon he was using and abusing alcohol. I was a senior that year and I tried to get him help, but that only made it worse. He began to drink heavily and would often disappear for days at a time. Jessica would be sick with worry and spent most of those lonely nights crying herself to sleep. "Then as juniors, Josh found that drinking wasn't enough anymore, so he got into drugs. He was always in trouble at school and eventually dropped out. He began stealing cars to support his drug habit, and was often in trouble with the police.
           "In defiance he moved to an apartment in New York City with a bunch of his friends from the neighborhood. Jessica missed him terribly, so that summer she went out there for a visit. He had gotten involved with the gangs, and had been selling drugs on the streets to pay for his apartment. I guess he was making pretty good money at it, because he paid for Jessica’s ticket to come down and spend the week with him for their birthdays.
           “Anyway, one night at a club, they ran into some rival gang members and after only a few words were exchanged, Josh was shot. He was hit several times in the chest and lungs. From what Jessica told us, there was blood everywhere. A medical team arrived shortly after, but it was too late. His final words were a plea to Jessica to let him go. He told her that he could no longer numb the pain, and that death was the only way to release him. He died there, in her arms. Do you have any idea what this does to a person?" Pausing, David took a deep breath.
           "The next morning we got a call from the police, asking us to come up and retrieve the body. When we arrived we found Jessica in shock. In fact, according to the police report she hadn’t spoken a word since they’d pronounced him dead.
           “Jessica has been through years of therapy, but she still has never fully recovered from the incident. I don't think she ever will. It's hard enough to loose a brother, but it's emotionally crippling when your twin dies in your arms.”
           Pausing for a moment, David took a breath and continued. "Julian, I’m telling you all of this because I want you to understand what she’s been through. Jessica is still very fragile emotionally. I just want you to know this so that you can be understanding of her hesitations, and be patient with her. It will take some time, but Jessica will give her soul for you."
           Excusing himself, David got up and left the room. Julian was so overwhelmed by this story he had trouble holding back the tears. Life was so fragile, so short. Tragedies even seemed to happen to the best of families. Why was life so cruel?
           A moment later, David returned and turned on the TV. "Shall we watch the game?"

 

 

         Exhausted, Ines and Jessica sat down at their booth in the small diner. They had spent all morning shopping and enjoying each other's company.
           "The boys will be watching the game by now, so we should have plenty of time to eat," Ines said, glancing at her watch. "You know, I really like Julian. It's certainly been a nice change to have another young man in the house again after all these years."
           "And he's so much like Josh," Jessica added. "I hate to admit it, but the first time I met him I couldn't seem to get over the fact that he looked so much like him. Of course he's not Joshua, he's definitely his own person, but it's those little things that remind me. I really miss him, Mom."
           "Joshua will always be a part of you, never forget that. Just be careful, Jessica. Make sure you love Julian for who he is, not who he reminds you of."
           Jessica looked across the table at her Mother. She had been so happy with Julian that she had never considered the possibility. Surely she loved Julian for who he was, and not because she was still mourning for Joshua. How she wished Josh was beside her now.

 

 

          In her dream, Jessica was back in the nightclub again. A film of studio fog filled the air, distorting the colors of the disco lights as they pulsed all around her. There was little sound, the noise of the crowd and the music was muted, barely even perceptible. She felt as though she were moving through the crowd in another dimension. She could hear only the steady beat of the bass thumping in time to the beating of her heart.
           She was pushing her way through the crowd, trying in vain to reach her brother. To get there in time. It was a futile attempt, she knew, for Jessica relived this scene over and over again and never did she reach him. Everyone moved in slow motion, including Jessica, as she fought her way through the never-ending sea of bodies. Suddenly Joshua’s image flickered to the side of her, shimmering into view. His skin was a deathly white, his eyes framed in dark circles, a sliver of blood trickling from his lips. He appeared to be moving backwards, out of time and sync with the rest of them, his voice closing the distance between with an eerie ethereal echo.
           “Let me go,” he spoke to her before disappearing again.
           Jessica continued to forge ahead. She would reach him this time. She would not let him go. His voice now filled the air around her. “I can’t take the pain anymore,” he told her, pleading. “How can you live after what he did to us? How can you look in the mirror? Everyone will know when they look in your eyes. Everyone will know the truth.”
           “Let me help you, Joshua,” Jessica told him. “Let me heal you.”
           “Look into your eyes,” he told her, and suddenly she was in front of a mirror. Jessica looked back on her own reflection, her skin just as white and dead as her brother’s, her eyes haunted. “You’re empty inside, just like me. He took your soul.”
           Pushing her hands against her ears, Jessica squeezed her eyes shut trying to rid herself of the vision. But Joshua’s image appeared to her in the darkness, “You let him do it too, Jessie. You’re just as much to blame as I am. You let him do it too. This is the only way out. If I’m dead, he can’t hurt me.” His voice echoed through her tormented mind. “He can’t hurt me…”
           Suddenly her Uncle’s face appeared before her, and Jessica was frozen where she stood, unable to move. “Twins are special,” he was saying softly. “You feel everything together. My special little twins…”
           The terror of his voice was shattered by the sound of gunshots. “No!” Jessica screamed, opening her eyes. Sound and color exploded all around her as she shoved a couple in front of her out of the way. Instantly she was looking down on the body of her twin, the beautiful face she knew better than her own, fountains of blood now spilling forth onto the dance floor. Even though he lay there lifeless and unmoving she could hear his laughter in her mind. “I got away!” he was laughing and shouting and crying all at the same time. “I got away from you, B*****d!”
           Suddenly his eyes popped open and he sat up, grabbing the front of Jessica’s shirt and yanking her violently downward. Her nose was practically touching his now, his eyes staring into her own. “Get out Jessie. Get out while you still can! He took your baby like he took your soul. Look!”
           Jessica looked down to see her fingers spotted with blood. She raised them up to her eyes, staring in horror. Then looking down she saw her jeans; the blood soaking through to mix in with Joshua’s as it spread onto the floor below.
           Screaming, Jessica bolted upright in bed, reaching out into the night. Her eyes were wide as she gasped for air, trying to breathe. Reaching over she frantically flipped on the lamp that sat atop her nightstand. She pulled back the covers, looking for blood, and held up her hands and fingers to the light. Just a dream, she kept telling herself. Just a dream. She repeated it like a mantra as she tried to calm down, concentrating on her breathing. No blood, just a dream.
           The nightmare had never been this bad before. Why now? Jessica wondered. Why now when everything was going so well? But that was precisely the reason why. Jessica was falling in love with Julian. The closer they became, the more frequent she suffered through the nightmares. How was she ever going to explain any of this to Julian? What was he going to do when he found out? Jessica was convinced that if he knew the truth…the terrible truth…he would leave her. How could he stay with someone who allowed these things to happen? She had been unable to save herself. She had not even been able to save her brother. If only she had told her parents right away. If only she had warned Joshua. He would be beside her now.
           Lying back against the pillows, her breathing still shallow but slowing now, Jessica forced herself to think of the happy times with Joshua. Before the trial. Before the looks and accusations. Before her parents were forced to move all the way to New Hampshire, severing all ties to the rest of the family. She had left all of her friends behind too. But to her, it did not matter. Joshua had been her best friend. He had been her entire world. But he had begun to deteriorate after the move, began losing his mind. He woke often during the night. Sometimes screaming, sometimes crying, always in distress.
           It was no wonder he turned to drugs and alcohol, for they were the only escape from the torments inside him. He had died inside long ago. Long before the night of the shooting and Jessica had watched him slip away, right between her fingers, unable to help. How she hated her Uncle for driving them apart, and taking all that was precious to her; her youth, her innocence, and most of all...her brother.
           As Jessica lay there silently, she felt the tears as they once again began to fall. Only this time she did not stop them.

 

 

          All too soon, Julian's weekend with the Taylor family was over, and he found himself once again caught up in school and preparing for the Holidays. Christmas was only a week away, and already Julian was worried. He wanted to be happy this Christmas and he certainly didn't want to fight with his family. But would there be a way to avoid it?
           This particular afternoon, Julian busily cleaned the apartment, waiting for Brian to come over. They had planned to go skiing for the day, and make some type of plans for the Holiday.
           At least this year would be different, he thought. For this time he had invited Jessica. She had seemed excited for the chance to finally meet his family, and spend some time together. Now that it was the end of the semester they rarely saw each other.
           Almost an hour later, Brian came through the door, laying his bag and skis on the carpet. "I just got a call from my dad," he commented, opening the fridge. "It seems we'll be spending Christmas Eve at your place."
           "Did they have any set plans for Christmas day?" Julian asked, coming out of the bedroom.
           "No, they're basically leaving that up to us," Brian grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and popped the cap off, tossing it into the trash. "Have you told them about Jessica?"
           "Not yet," Julian answered. "I'll tell my Mother tonight when she calls for that address."
           "Oh, so you've heard from Raoul?" Brian sat at the kitchen table and pushed around the magazines that were lying about. Raoul was Julian's cousin from France, who was coming to America for college.
           "Yeah, he wants to work for the Company and I told him that I would put him in touch with Father."
           "Do you think he'll get the job?"
           "Why not?" Julian smirked. "We wouldn't take it."
           Leaning back, Brian looked out the window, downing the contents of his bottle. "Well, who in their right minds would? Now, are we going to go skiing or did you invite me over just so you could admire me in my parka?"
           "Actually, you look better in a swimsuit."
           "Smart a*s," Brian laughed, grabbing his gear. "Come on lover boy, let's hit the slopes BEFORE the snow melts."

 

 

          Holiday seasons seem to move fast for Julian, and this Christmas was no exception. Already it was Christmas Eve, and Julian was in no way prepared to be with his family. Jessica was quiet on the drive up, almost as if she could sense Julian's tension. Of course she can, Julian thought. She's a woman, and women always knew how you felt. It must be some sixth sense, he pondered.
           Not much later, Julian pulled up to the gates of the large Pennsylvanian mansion. The huge house seemed to stare down at Julian, almost accusingly, as though it too knew he didn't belong there. Leaning out the window, Julian pushed the intercom button and announced his arrival. Moments later, the large black gates slowly began to open, and Julian proceeded to drive up to the house. "You have a gorgeous home," Jessica commented, obviously impressed with the landscape.
           "You mean my parents have a gorgeous home," he corrected. "I never lived here."
           Taking Jessica's hand, Julian walked up to the front door, where his Father greeted him. Mr. Monet was a tall man of large stature. He had dark brown hair that had already begun to gray, and a stern face. Just by looking at him you could tell how powerful and possessive this man was. It was no wonder why he was such a successful businessman.
           Formally, almost coldly, he invited the two of them in, for the party had already begun. As Julian's eyes locked on those of his Father's he flinched, almost afraid of what was to come.
           Jessica was the first to enter the large room, and was quite impressed with its features. An enormous fireplace sat tightly against the wall, and soft white furniture filled the room. Holly wreaths and decorations covered the walls, and there were several large tables filled with food and wine.
           "Jessica," Julian said, taking her arm. "Why don't I introduce you to everyone."
           A slender woman was making her way over to them, and she smiled graciously at Jessica. She had black hair and dark eyes, Jessica thought she was beautiful.
           "First of all," Julian began. "This is my Mother."
           "Pleased to meet you, Jessica," she said in a soft voice. "It's always nice to see a fresh face."
           "I'm honored to meet you, Mrs. Monet."
           "Oh please," she insisted. "Call me Anna."
           Motioning across the room, Julian pointed out Brian and Brittany. "You already know Brian and Britt, and the couple seated next to them is Mr. & Mrs. Daniels, Brian's parents."
           "Pleased to meet you," they said, smiling at her.
           "Over here on the love seat are Mr. & Mrs. Charleston." Motioning he pointed to three beautiful young ladies by the Christmas tree, who all looked very much like Brittany. “These are their other daughters; Gabriella, Alexandria and Elizabetha.”
           Politely they exchanged greetings and Jessica tried carefully to remember their names. Finally, she was introduced to a tall man with dark hair and a moustache. He was Jacque LaFlur, the other half behind the Monet Empire. His son, Pierre greeted Jessica with a kiss on the hand, and a warm smile. Just then a young woman entered the room, and Jessica turned to greet her. She was strikingly beautiful with platinum blonde hair and violet eyes.
          "Bon soir, everyone," she apologized. "I am sorry I'm late, but my Porsche just wont start in this weather." Walking over to Mr. LaFlur, she gave him a hug and kiss. "Bon soir, papa."
           Turning around to greet the rest of the group, this new arrival appeared surprised to see Jessica there. In fact, the moment she saw Jessica her eyes narrowed, giving her an icy stare and sending a shiver down Jessica's back. Right away, Jessica knew this girl was going to cause trouble. For some reason this stranger had developed an instant hatred towards her and Jessica could feel it.
           "Julian," she began, her voice possessing a slight French accent. "Aren’t you going to introduce me?"
           "Stefanie, this is my girlfriend, Jessica Taylor. Jess, this is Stefanie LaFlur," pausing Julian continued cautiously. ”Another friend of the family."

           The first part of the evening had gone remarkably well, as far as Julian was concerned. But now the family had settled around the dining room table, and that smoothness of hospitality would disappear. Nervously, he poured himself another glass of Merlot.
           "Julian," his Father asked while cutting his steak. "Have you decided upon a real career yet? We can't have you wasting your time in college forever."
           "I thought we'd already discussed this," Julian told him, calmly. He must try not to get emotional tonight. "My planned career is politics, and I am working towards that goal. The senate requires a lot of time and hard work."
           "Politics is not a career," Julian's Father snapped. "You must forget this foolishness now, before you ruin your entire life."
           "I will only ruin my life by working for you."
           "That is not your decision, Julian. Your Mother and I want you to have a stable life. Politics is not for you."
           "Why?" Julian retorted. "Because your French son wants to work for the U.S. government? If I'm such a disgrace to you, then why do you claim to know me at all? All you care about is Sunrose and your reputation. Well, what about me? I'm 22, when do I get control of my life?"
           "Let it go," Brian urged, looking sternly at Julian. He too, knew it was not the time to cause a scene.
           Standing up, Julian apologized to everyone. "I'm sorry Father, but I don't owe you or the company anything. And as far as I'm concerned you can both go to hell!" With that, Julian threw down his napkin and quietly walked out of the room.
           "How I regret having that child." he heard his Mother say as he left the room, and tears filled his eyes. But he would not give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry.
           "Sorry about that little scene, Jessica," Stefanie commented after Julian had left the room. "He just gets so emotional at these family dinners. Really, it’s embarrassing."
           "With support like this I don't blame him," Jessica retorted quickly. "It's a wonder you still see him at all."
           "Don't you get smart with me, Jessica," she snapped. “Everyone here knows Julian wouldn't do anything against his Father's wishes or mine. I'll give you one warning 'darling', you just stay away from Julian. You don't fit in here, and you're not right for him!"
           "I’m not right for him? You don't even know him!" Jessica cried defensively.
           "Know him! Little girl, I know Julian far better than you’d like to know. I have made Julian what he is. Without me, he would be nothing. All I want is what's best for him -- and I usually get what I want!"
           "Leave her alone, Stefanie," Brian barked. But Jessica didn't want to hear the rest. Excusing herself, Jessica hurried to find Julian.

           Once again, Jessica appeared next to Julian, quietly putting her arms around him. "I'm sorry Jessica," he told her. "I guess holiday meals aren't my strong points."
           "You were right to walk out of there, Julian," she consoled. "I understand what you mean now. I only wish things could be different for you."
           "Hopefully, someday, they will be," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her. Yes, Julian thought, someday things would be different.
           “Julian, who was that girl?” Jessica asked, leaning back into his arms. “She looks familiar to me, like I’ve seen her somewhere before. She’s more than just a family friend, isn’t she?”
           “Who, Stefanie?” Julian paused for a moment, unsure of ho much to tell Jessica. “Well, Stefanie and I go way back. We were practically raised together. In fact, we used to play together in the nursery.”
           “Julian, I know there’s more to the story than that.”
           “True,” he smiled. “We dated in high school, and have seen each other off and on since I started college. But right after I met you I broke it off with her. In fact, she was the one at the Halloween party that was giving us a bad time. I think that’s why she was such a b***h to you tonight. I think she’s still hurt about it.”
           “I could see that,” Jessica said, taking Julian’s hand. “I don’t think I’d ever get over you if we broke up.”
           “Well, luckily you’ll never have to find out,” he told her, kissing her softly. “I love you, Jess.”

 

 

           That night, the four of them sat around the Christmas tree, sipping wine and listening to music. Stefanie had retired to her room, and the others were talking business.
           Brian and Brittany curled up in front of the fire, and Julian shared the couch with Jessica. As the music played softly in the background, Julian gazed sleepily into the fire.
           "It's so peaceful tonight," Brittany said quietly, trying not to disturb the solace. "Christmas is such a beautiful time of year."
           Jessica's tired head soon grew weary as she rested against Julian's shoulder. Gently, he took her into his arms and stroked her hair, rocking softly until both were asleep.
           When both woke again, they found they were alone, with the only light coming from the Christmas tree. "Everyone must be in bed," Julian whispered.
           "Let's not go up to bed just yet," Jessica sighed. "It seems so perfect tonight, let me enjoy it for a little while longer."
           "Santa won't come until we are fast asleep," Julian reminded her.
           "I've already got what I wanted."
           Softly, gently, Julian began to kiss her. His arms pulling her close, his tongue exploring every inch of her perfect mouth.
           "Oh Julian," she whispered. "I never want this night to end."
           Finally, Julian was able to pull himself away, and he walked Jessica to her room, kissing her goodnight. "Pleasant dreams. I'll see you in the morning."
           "Merry Christmas," she whispered before disappearing behind her closed door.

 

 

          Walking down the hallway towards his room, Julian thought back on the evening. Christmas this year had gone better than expected, having Jessica around. Perhaps that's how it should be, Julian mused.
           Opening his bedroom door, Julian was startled at first to see a figure outlined on his bed. Stefanie wore only a white lace bra and a matching thong, and her silvery blonde hair shone in the moonlight.
           "I was hoping you'd come up to bed," she smiled. Sitting up, she switched on the small Tiffany lamp, flooding the bed with a harsh yellow and green glow. "I was beginning to wonder."
           "Stefanie," Julian stammered. "I think you should leave."
           "Julian, no. Don't turn me away again. Let me be with you. It's been so long since we were last together."
           "I really don't think we should, Stefanie," he said, running his fingers through his hair.
           "Then just talk to me, Julian," she pleaded. "Hold me in your arms and we'll talk like we used to."
           "I know you didn't come her to talk," Julian chuckled. "What about Jessica?"
           "She doesn't have to know."
           Sitting down next to her, Julian fingered a strand of her platinum hair. "Alright Stefanie, I'm listening."
           "I miss you, Julian. I miss how we used to be," sighing she leaned her head upon his shoulder. "I’ve been a mess since we broke up - since you left me. You really like her, don't you?"
           "Who, Jessica?" Julian asked. "I won't lie to you, Stefanie. I care about her. I think I might even be in love with her."
           Sitting back, Stefanie looked deep into his eyes. "And how do you feel about me?"
           "Oh Stefanie, it's not that easy anymore," Julian paused. "What we had was great, but I've always felt there was something missing. Jessica seems to fill that need."
           "But you have other needs too, don't you Julian. I know you still find me attractive. I can give you what you want without the commitment. No strings attached."
           "We had a wonderful relationship, Stefanie. I'll never forget that. But things are so different between us now."
           "But they don't have to be," Stefanie plead, gently stroking his hair. "You know I still love you, Julian." Gently she smoothed his thick hair and moved her body closer to him.
           "It's not fair to Jessica..."
           Turning his face to hers, Stefanie firmly placed her hand to his chin. "Forget Jessica, see only me."
           Kissing him forcefully, Stefanie wrapped her arms around him tightly. Moving closer, Julian embraced her, stroking her long hair. Reaching up, Julian turned off the tiny lamp, and lay down with Stefanie beneath him.
           Julian eagerly pulled her to him as his body covered hers. Hungrily she pulled at the buttons on his shirt, removing the garment with growing urgency. Placing a hand to her breasts, Julian removed her bra, looking down at the lean body he'd known only too well. In the silvery light of the moon, Stefanie once again looked beautiful to him, and the need for her arose inside him.
           Sitting up, he removed his boots and their eyes locked. Julian's were blinded now by lust, yet Stefanie's locked onto his with fierce intensity. She would have him tonight. Julian touched a strand of her hair lovingly and kissed her softly. Wrapping her hand around the back of his head, Stefanie pulled him to her tightly, kissing him with a deep urgency. Moving her hands down to the top of his jeans she undid the zipper, slipping her hand inside. Julian returned the kisses eagerly as she clung to him tightly. He continued to cover her neck and shoulders with kisses, trailing his tongue down the center of her perfect breasts. Instinctively, his hand went to her thigh and Stefanie's legs parted invitingly. Pulling off his jeans in one swift move, Julian then removed what was left of his clothing. Reaching down, he pulled Stefanie beneath him, slipping her thong underwear off slowly, and tossing it to the floor. And then he was inside her, their needs driving their bodies together in frantic rhythms. She clung to him tightly, crying out in pleasure and pain with each thrust. Julian closed his eyes allowing the day's tensions to escape him through their act of love making. Stefanie's back began to arch and Julian moved faster within her, above her, around her. Consuming her entire body now with his hunger.
           At last, he released himself and the rhythmic tides soon slowed, then finally faded away. Exhausted, he moved from atop her and lay on his side, falling into a deep sleep.

           When Julian awoke again, he was disoriented at first. Then the lean body moved closer against him and Julian looked down at Stefanie. He felt guilty. He had betrayed Jessica when she was just in the next room. But it had been months since Julian had engaged in any sexual activities and the need had been strong. Stefanie must have known the power she still possessed over him and that her propositions would not go unfulfilled.
           Julian looked down at her while she slept and gently stroked her golden hair. He had loved her once, part of him still did. But now, Julian felt sorry for her. She had always gotten everything she'd wanted, and seeing Julian's obvious affection for Jessica must be very hard for her. Otherwise, she would not have come to him this way tonight. He didn't understand why Stefanie didn't date other men. She was gorgeous and could surely have any man she wanted. So why was she still after him?
           Julian gathered up his clothing and got dressed. He decided to go downstairs and have a drink. Kneeling down, he kissed Stefanie on the forehead.
           "I did love you, Stefanie," he whispered. "And there will always be a special place in my heart for you. But I can't sleep with you anymore, and if our relationship can't stay at a friendship level then I won’t even see you. My heart belongs to Jessica now. I'm sorry." With that now said, he turned and left the room.
           As soon as she heard the door close, Stefanie opened her eyes and began to cry.

 

 

          Jessica headed downstairs quietly, hoping that she would not disturb anyone. She had been unable to sleep since Julian had escorted her to her room and she desperately needed a drink of water. However, when she entered the kitchen, she found Julian’s Father seated at the table, drinking a glass of bourbon.
           “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb anyone. I was just getting myself a drink.”
           Motioning towards the table, Julian’s Father held out his hand. “Please, join me.”
           “Thank you.”
           “Couldn’t sleep either, I see,” he told her, pouring her a glass of the bourbon. “It seems that night to me is just a burden anymore. Sleep does not come easily to a man such as myself. I have too many worries, what with the family and the business and all. But you, you should not have such worries at such a young age. What brings you to the table this hour of the morning?”
           “I believe it was what happened this evening,” Jessica commented nervously. Sipping the liquor, she looked him right in the eye. “I owe you an apology, Mr. Monet.”
           “One should not apologize for speaking one’s mind. It came from your heart. I do admire that about you, Jessica. I see that you are strong, that is good for Julian.” Raising the glass to his lips, he drank vigorously. “Julian needs others to be strong for him, but that is another story, one we do not have time for tonight.”
           Jessica just nodded, rolling the glass back and forth in her hands. Mr. Monet was beginning to seem almost human to her, Jessica wondered if Julian had ever seen him in this state. He no longer appeared so intimidating to her, now that he was drunk.
           “May I ask you Jessica, how long you have been dating my son? If dating is the word for it.”
           “Yes, dating is the word for it, Sir.” Jessica replied tartly.
           “Forgive me, but I know my son, there is more going on between you two than you would like for us to believe, am I right?”
           “No you are not right,” she stammered, shocked at his brazen behavior.
           “You mean to tell me that you two are not.... How shall I put this?”
           “Having sex?” she blurted.
           “Yes, to put it so bluntly.”
           “Well, I’m sorry, but that is not the type of relationship we have. In fact, I don’t believe in sex before marriage.”
           Laughing, he raised the bottle as if in toast and saluted her. “That’s a good one. Is that what you expect everyone to believe? I heard the two of you when I passed his room tonight. I am a married man, Jessica, I know what you were up to.”
           “Excuse me?” she said, standing. “But I have not been in Julian’s room all night. You would not even suggest such a thing if you knew me.”
           “I don’t need to know you,” he answered, his voice taking on edge. “You will not be around long enough to be a concern for me. As I said I know my son, and that is all I need to know. Julian is only interested in one thing right now sweetheart and it’s not marriage, and it’s not love, and it’s not family. Don’t kid yourself. You don’t know even know him.”
           “I don’t know him!” she exclaimed, her voice raising in anger. “You’re the one who doesn’t know him. You don’t know anything about him! What do you know of his dreams? His plans? His ambitions? What do you know of his ties to family? Thanks to you, he has no ties to this family. You have destroyed any love he could have had for you – all for what? For a business? For money? You’ve already lost the best thing you’ve ever had and you don’t even know it!”
           Slamming his fist down on the table, Julian’s Father rose to his full height, his eyes full of anger. “How dare you! How dare you come into this house and tell me what I do and do not know about my son! You know nothing of him, you know nothing of me, you know nothing of this family!”
           “I know I love him. I know no one else before me has.”
           “I want you out of this house first thing in the morning,” he threatened. “And I never want to see you back here again. Do I make myself clear?”
           “Perfectly.” Jessica rose and walked towards the hallway, pausing as she reached the foyer. “What you’re doing to Julian is wrong.” she told him, turning around to face him again. “Whatever happens between me and Julian, that’s between us. It may last a lifetime, it may not. That isn’t important. But you will be his Father forever. The least you could do is make it a family, and not this farce you’ve turned it into. Because in the end you’ll either have a family, or you’ll have nothing, and forever is a long time to live with nothing.”
           He stood there, stunned. Jessica couldn’t help but pity this man. Under all the careful masks and deceptions, there was only a little boy. A boy, Jessica mused, that had managed to not only fool others, but himself as well.

           Julian passed Jessica in the hallway, surprised to find her was awake at this hour.
          “Jess, honey, what are you doing up? Are you feeling okay?” Nervously he tucked in his half button shirt, hoping she would not notice how disheveled he was.
           “I just needed a drink of water. I’m going back to bed now.”
           “Are you sure?” Julian asked. “I was just going to get a drink myself, you could join me.”
           “No thank you,” she told him, looking back over her shoulder down the hallway. “I think there is someone else whom you should share a drink with tonight. Goodnight, Julian,” she announced, leaving him standing there speechless.
           “What?” he murmured. “Whatever....” he shook his head and continued walking towards the kitchen. He really needed that drink now.
           Julian was surprised to see his Father at the table, finishing the last of a bottle of bourbon. He realized this must have been what Jessica had been referring to. Julian’s Father did not look too happy to see him.
           “Sorry, I didn’t know you were down here.”
           “You two, making all this noise and then sneaking around. You think that no one can hear you? What do you think I am running here, a cheap motel?”
           “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Julian told him, getting a beer out of the fridge.
           “You and Jessica, knocking around in the bedroom all night, and then coming down here one at a time to lecture me. Well Julian, your little plan will not work so well, eh? I’m going to bed now.”
           “Really, I don’t know what you are talking about.”
           “Deny it too. Go ahead. It’s your life, as you so adamantly tell me every chance you get. So go ahead, play with fire, and she sure is a little fireball, isn’t she?”
           Standing up, he staggered over to Julian and leaned in close. “You’ll never get anywhere in society without the proper marriage. I want you to remember that. Love has nothing to do with it. It all has to do with power, and reputation, and money. You will never be able to marry that girl, so have your fun with her while you can. You know as well as I do, that this façade is not going to last. Now I’m going to join your Mother in bed, I want all of you out of here first thing in the morning. I have a lot of business to take care of tomorrow and I don’t need visitors underfoot. Merry Christmas, Julian.”
           With that, he left the room, leaving Julian more confused than ever. Opening the liquor cabinet Julian looked to see if there was any more bourbon left. It seems that a beer was not going to be sufficient tonight.

 

 

          The holiday season moved quickly for Julian and Jessica. They spent as much time together as they could afford and for the most part it was wonderful. They went ice skating, dancing, and to movies. They had romantic dinners and nights at the Opera. But still, Julian knew that something was wrong. He shared a special relationship with Jessica that he had never experienced before. But she was so tense, abnormally so. As soon as he tried to become closer physically, Jessica would freeze up. Surely she cared for him as he did for her, but why wouldn't she show it?
           Julian couldn't help but worry. Was she afraid because he reminded her so much of her dead brother? Julian ached to know, but he knew if he exposed his knowledge of Joshua at the wrong time, he might lose her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

           Once school had begun, Julian and Jessica found themselves lost in the calamity of a new semester. In fact, they found it almost impossible to see each other. Most of their precious time together was used for homework. That particular Saturday morning was yet another one of those days. Julian awoke with the sunny crispness of January weather. Jessica had come over to make breakfast before they got to work on his speech for debate.
           "Thanks for breakfast, Luv," he smiled, kissing her upon the cheek.
           "No problem. But, we really do need to get some work done this morning."
           "What?" Julian teased. "Have we suddenly forgotten the word 'procrastination'?"
           "Hardly. But today we must learn about the word 'work'. Would you like to give it a try?"
           Relaxing on the sofa, Julian began reciting his speech, but soon found it hard to concentrate. Seated next to Jessica, his gaze followed her every move. She looked so beautiful, so innocent. He was hardly hearing any of the words he spoke, and as he leaned over he found himself kissing her.
           "Julian! That's not in the speech!" she laughed, playfully hitting him with the pillow.
           "Can I help it, if I love you?" he asked, smiling cunningly.
           "No, I guess not," she said as her arms went around him. Once again his lips found hers. He kissed her sensually, passionately. She responded eagerly to his kisses, pulling his body closer to hers. Finally, the barriers were going to come down.
           Suddenly, Julian was aware of another presence in the room.
           "Am I interrupting something?" A voice asked bitterly, startling the two of them.
           Julian didn't even have to look up he had known that voice only too well. Sitting up, he turned coldly around to face Stefanie LaFlur. "Don't you ever knock?" he snapped as Jessica slid to the other side of the couch, embarrassed.
           "I was once welcome in your home. I need to talk to you, Julian," she shot a cold glance at Jessica. "Alone."
           The moment Jessica left, Stefanie turned accusingly towards Julian. "Do you love her as you once loved me?"
           "Get to the point, Stefanie."
           "Ah, but that is the point, Julian."
           "Look, I'm not in the mood to discuss my dating life with you. I have half a mind to throw you out of here," handing Stefanie her coat, Julian motioned towards the door. “In fact, that is a brilliant idea. If you have nothing further to say, Stefanie, then kindly remove yourself from my home." "I'm pregnant, Julian."
           That was it, she had dropped the bomb and now both stood in the awkward silence of the aftermath. Julian's anger turned to disbelief. Surely the child wasn't his. "But..." he started, as Stefanie cut him off.
           "Oh, it's yours alright. That I'm positive of."
           " Well, what do you want me to do about it?"
           "You know, with the life you've had, I thought at least you'd want to ensure the lives of your children," she snapped defiantly, knowing how her words would hurt him.
           "Not like this, Stefanie. What kind of a life could I provide for a child now?"
           "So what you're telling me is after all this time, after all the love I gave you, you're turning your back on me?"
           "It's over Stefanie!"
           Turning around sharply, Stefanie glared at him. "Is it, Julian. Is it really? You think I stayed with you all this time for fun? I believed in you. I loved you and you just keep ripping my heart out and throwing it on the f*****g floor.”
           "You knew about this Christmas Eve, didn’t you?" Julian charged. "That's why you came to my room, wasn't it?"
           "I love you, Julian. I was desperate. How can you do this after all these years? How can you do this to your family?" Stefanie reached into her bag and pulled out a cigarette. Lighting it, she walked to the other side of the room. “How can you do this to me?”
           "I owe it to myself, Stefanie. When has my family ever done anything for me?"
           "This is all because of Jessica, isn't it? If it weren’t for her, you’d be happy about this baby. You and I would still be together.”
           “You don’t know that,” he countered.
           “I know you, Julian. At least, I thought I did. You’re not the same person anymore."
           Julian walked over to her, gently taking her into his arms. "I'm sorry Stefanie."
           Coldly, she backed away from him. Julian could tell how deeply he'd hurt her. Grabbing her coat, Stefanie turned and looked toward the door. "I'm sorry too."

 

 

          It wasn't much later when Julian heard a knock upon the door. Still holding his half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels, Julian opened the door.
           "Hi, Julian," Jessica greeted. "I left my briefcase, and I came back to get it," Pausing, she noticed the bottle in Julian's hand, and stepped past him into the room. "What happened? What did she say to you?" Walking across the room, Jessica looked for her briefcase.
           "I don't want to talk about it," Julian snapped, slamming the door.
           "You're drunk, aren't you?”
           "That's my problem, okay?"
           Turning around sharply, Jessica stared wildly at Julian. "I hate it when you drink!"
           "Why?" Julian spat defensively. "Because of Joshua? Well, I'm not Joshua, I'm Julian, remember?"
           Suddenly, Jessica went white with shock, and her knees began to buckle underneath her. Sickened, she grabbed the couch for support.
           "How.... How did you know about him?"
           "Does it matter? You can't compare me to him, Jessica. We're not the same. Do you love me only because I remind you of your dead brother? Is that why you stay with me? Is that why you run from me? Damnit, Jessica, why are you so cold?"
           Crying, Jessica sank to the floor. How could she tell him? How? Sobbing, Jessica slowly tried to speak. "There is something you have to know about Joshua, and about me. Why he turned to drugs, why he drank. Why he went looking for death," Unsteadily, Jessica continued. "When we were in junior high, our uncle came to live with us. He was a soldier in Vietnam. He had been wounded so they sent him home. He had nowhere to go, so he came to us. At first, I felt special because of the extra attention. He made me feel so pretty, so loved. But it wasn’t long before I just felt dirty. It was wrong. It was all my fault. I wanted to tell someone but I was too ashamed, too afraid. I had no idea he was hurting Josh too. If I’d known I would have stopped him. Somehow, I would have found a way.
           “But I didn’t find out until it was too late. I couldn’t save him. It wasn’t until after that horrible night when I woke up soaked in my own blood. I had no idea I was having a miscarriage. I didn’t even know how babies were made! They rushed me to the Hospital. My parents were so angry. I was just a little girl.
           “After I came home it only got worse. My parents had no idea that the monster responsible for this was under their very roof. They blamed me. They brought priests in to see me and to talk about the evils of sex. They even prepared to send me away to a special school for delinquents. That’s when Josh lost it. He became hysterical, just went crazy. That’s when they found out the truth. But by then it was too late…too late…”
           Hysterically, she sat on the floor crying. She looked so helpless. Julian walked over to her, reaching out to comfort her.
           "Don't you touch me!" she screamed, backing away. Holding the couch, Jessica supported herself while she stood. Terror filled her face as she bolted for the door, slamming it behind her as she ran from him.
           "Jessica, wait!" But it was too late. Julian threw the bottle of whiskey against the wall.
          Shattering, it streaked the wall and floor with the liquor. "Oh Jess," he cried. "I'm so sorry."
           Why did these things always happen to him? First Stefanie, and now Jessica. What was he going to do? He loved Jessica so much. He couldn't bear to see her hurting. Falling to his knees he brought his hands up to his eyes. The room was beginning to spin again. Lying down, Julian let the black cloud take over his body, and quietly slipped into the peace of unconsciousness.

           The next sensation Julian felt was the soft touch of someone caressing his forehead. Opening his eyes, Julian found himself looking upon Jessica's soft features. She had stopped crying, but her eyes were still red and swollen. "I'm sorry Julian," she whispered.
           "Jessica," he choked. "I'm sorry. I promise, I never meant to hurt you."
           “I know that, Julian."
           Slowly Julian reached up. Caressing her cheek, he brought her face close to his. Softly kissed her swollen eyes. "I love you," Then wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her down so that her body lay on top of his own. Holding her close, he kissed her gently. "I love you so much. Please tell me how to fix this."
           “I can’t,” she began, her voice faltering again as she began to cry. “I can’t talk about this right now, Julian. In fact, I really can’t stay, I need to be alone right now.”
           “But you came back,” he said softly.
           "I had to," she said, attempting a smile through the tears. "I forgot my briefcase."

 

 

          Once again, Julian found himself on a flight to New York. Stefanie’s news had been sudden and emotionally devastating to him. However, now he realized that he and Stefanie had to resolve their differences and make a decision as to how they were going to handle the situation. He had been honest, however brutal, when he told her that he didn’t want to be a Father. How could he? Julian knew nothing about raising a family, and it wasn’t like he could learn by example. What kind of a Father could he possibly be? Just the thought of parenthood unnerved him. However, Julian knew that he was responsible for this predicament. How did the saying go? “It Takes Two to Tango” Of course, he would never admit that, not even to Stefanie. He did owe it to her to make a rational attempt to determine who would accept the responsibility. After all, he did have some feelings for her, and in a way he still loved her. He knew that a part of him always would.
           He took a cab straight from the airport to her Manhattan apartment. Since it was a Sunday morning he was fairly certain she would be home. His hopes paid off, for Stefanie answered the door after the second knock. She was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans and her hair was pulled back into a clip. She looked tired, and held a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.
           “What are you doing here?” she asked bitterly, her voice flat and distant.
           “I was hoping we could talk,” he told her softly.
           She stared back at him blankly for a moment, as if she was hesitant to let him in. Finally she opened the door fully, allowing him to step inside. Turning she walked towards the living room sofa. “Fine.”
           Julian joined her on the sofa, removing his leather jacket. “That isn’t good for the baby, you know,” he told her, pointing towards her mug of coffee.
           “What the f**k do you care?” she glared, angrily.
           “Well, I do,” he told her. “I actually care about your health. Are you sleeping okay?”
           “Not really,” she argued. “I never seem to get enough, no matter how many hours I sleep, and I have morning sickness all day long. So, things are pretty bad right now.”
           “How far along are you?”
           “About three months,” she calculated, looking down at her mug. “I guess it happened the night of the fashion show.”
           “So, it was before Christmas,” Julian commented, confirming his own suspicions. “Just tell me one thing, did you know this before or after you came into my room that night?”
           “Does it matter?” She asked quietly, coldly.
           “It does to me.”
           “No,” she admitted. “But I had my suspicions. It wasn’t confirmed until last week. Just before I came to see you.”
           “What have you decided to do?” Julian asked her, concerned.
           “Julian, I’m keeping the baby.”
           “You are?” Suddenly his mouth felt dry. “You’ve thought this through?”
           “Yes, as a matter of fact, I have,” she told him. “I might as well tell you my plans, after all I will need your consent and cooperation.”
           “You have a plan?”
           “You thought maybe I’d come to this decision lightly?” she snapped. “No, I’ve spoken with my Father....”
           “Uncle Jacque knows!” Julian interrupted.
           “Relax. He has agreed not to tell anyone that you’re the Father. If people find out, we’re prepared to name Jason as the guilty party.”
           “Jason?”
           “The guy I brought to the Halloween party. Since it was about the same time....” trailing off, she looked away. “Anyway, in order for this to work you have to be willing to give up all rights, claims and privileges to this child, and I mean all Julian. I can’t have you showing up ten years from now expecting to be a part of our lives again. I need you to just walk away.”
           “But what about you? What will you do?” he asked, concerned.
           “I’m going to stay here in New York and continue to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone back in Pennsylvania. Only you, my Father and me know about this, and that’s how it’s going to stay. My Father has agreed to give me an additional two million dollars for use in setting up a trust fund for the baby. I’ll still have my own trust fund, however, if I take the additional money I must agree to sever all contact with friends and family members here in the states. I can stay long enough for the baby to be born an American citizen, but then I’m required to return to France. It was the only way my Father felt we could ensure that no further contact with the birth Father would be made.”
           “You’re leaving the Country?” Julian asked in disbelief. “What about your modeling career?”
           “We all knew it had to end sometime,” she sighed. “I guess it will end sooner rather than later.”
           Sitting back, Julian took a deep breath letting it all sink in. “Well, it sounds like you’ve got it all worked out. I just want to know...are you sure you want to go through with this?”
           “I know you don’t understand this Julian, but I want to have this baby. In fact, I can’t imagine not doing this. I know that you don’t want to be tied down by a child or me right now. You’ve made that point painfully clear. Now I want to make mine as equally clear,” sighing she looked up at him, a smile starting to spread across her face.
          “Having this baby is going to be the best thing that I could ever do. I’m finally going to stand on my own and take responsibility for once in my life. It means a lot to me, Julian, and I know this sounds weird but now I will always have a part of you with me. That’s something I never could have said before. You and I will be forever tied, at least in one way. That’s more than I could have asked.”
           “What are you talking about? You’ll always be a part of my life.”
           “Bullshit,” she defended, her eyes beginning to tear. “You were just here not three months ago telling me you never wanted to see me again. You said we were to have no further contact again, ever. Jesus Julian! You wouldn’t even be here right now if I wasn’t pregnant!”
           “Stefanie, things are more complicated than that. Everything’s changed now, my feelings have changed.”
           “Well so what? I’m supposed to care that your feelings are hurt? Well too f*****g bad! Now you did this to me, so it’s your responsibility to help me out. For once Julian, you have to do what I want.” “Stefanie....”
           “No, Julian. You don’t care about anyone or anything except for yourself! It’s time that you did something for me!” She yelled at him, tears now falling freely.
           “That’s not true Stefanie, and you know that!” Julian defended. “If this is the way that you feel, then I’ll do whatever you want to help. But only if it’s what you really want.”
           “It is,” she assured him.
           “Then wait,” he advised her calmly. “Think about it, and then come and see me before you have the baby. If you still want to leave the country, if you still want to go ahead with this crazy plan, then I’ll sign whatever you want.”
           “Thank you.”
           “In the meantime, is there anything I can do for you?” he asked, feeling as though he needed to do something.
           “No. I think you should go now, Julian.”
           “I could bring you dinner or something.”
           “You’re not obligated to me anymore Julian. We’re even,” she told him, handing him the leather jacket. “It’s time for you to go now.”
           Putting on his coat, Julian nodded and walked towards the door. Glancing over his shoulder he looked back at her. For just a moment he wondered if he was making the right decision. All he had to do was take responsibility now, agree to be a part of the child’s life. He could ask for joint custody and help Stefanie set up residence here in the states so they could both raise the child. Jessica would understand. She would love the baby as much as Julian would. In time, she may even forgive him for his infidelity. He could learn to be a Father, even a part time one. He could be different from his own Father. He could raise the baby right. It all came down to this moment. All he had to do was say the words, but he didn’t. Turning around, Julian walked out the door, letting it shut behind him.
           He drank heavily on the flight home that night, his feelings of guilt and depression almost overwhelming him. He had been a coward. He had taken the easy way out. The only comfort he had was knowing that Stefanie would no longer play a role in his life. She could no longer do anything to hurt his relationship with Jessica. He was thinking of this when the realization hit him. It wasn’t Stefanie that was hurting the relationship, it was himself. He had hurt the relationship by cheating on Jessica. Jessica wouldn’t understand why he had done it, and she wouldn’t forgive him for the pregnancy. How could he possibly tell her? It was then that Julian decided he wasn’t going to tell her, ever. He would take this secret to his grave.

 

 

          The next evening, Julian returned from school to find Jessica waiting for him at his apartment. He was afraid that after all that had happened over the weekend, she wouldn’t want to see him for awhile. She had revealed so much, and under such bad circumstances. He was convinced that she would retreat even further into the walls she had already built between them.
           “I was afraid you were going to avoid me for awhile,” he confessed, letting the two of them into the apartment. Switching on the lights, he tossed his coat to the sofa and motioned for Jessica to have a seat.
           “Well, to be honest, I was a little worried about your reaction to what I told you. When you didn’t answer your phone yesterday, I was afraid my worst fears had come true.”
           “Oh, Jessica,” Julian sighed, sitting next to her on the couch. “I’m not scared off, or disgusted by what you told me. I just wish you could have shared this with me sooner.” Taking her hand, Julian looked into her eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
           “I’ve been talking about it for years,” she admitted. “I just want to get past it.”
           “I didn’t understand,” he told her. “I was afraid that you didn’t feel the same way that I do. I thought that was the reason we could never get close. I thought you didn’t love me.”
           “Oh God, no!” Jessica exclaimed. “I love you, Julian, I do.”
           “But you can’t have a sexual relationship with me, can you?”
           Looking away, Jessica’s eyes begin to fill with tears. “I try so hard, Julian, I do. But every time we get close I start to panic. I can’t stop it. I’m damaged goods Julian, and I don’t think you can repair me.”
           “I’m going to try,” he kissed her hand softly. “If you’ll let me.”
           “It’s going to take time, Julian,” she implored. “Are you willing to wait? Can you be patient with me?”
           “I love you, Jessica,” he told her, taking her into his arms. “I’ll do whatever it takes, however long it takes. I’m here for you.”
           “Thank you,” she whispered, cuddling close to him. “You don’t know what that means to me. My whole life I’ve wanted a normal relationship. Never did I dream it would be with someone as special as you.”
           “Who is to say what normal is?” Julian told her with a small laugh. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

 

 

          The following evening, Julian and Jessica got together after class and went over to Julian’s apartment. They sat down at the dinning room table together, to work on their various homework assignments. Jessica had gotten up for a moment to get a drink, and when she returned she sat quietly, watching him for a moment.
           “So, are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Stefanie?”
           “What?” he asked, looking up quickly.
           “The other day when she came over, she was mad about something. When I came back to get my stuff, you were obviously upset. Then, I tried to call you the next day and you weren’t home. I just wanted to know what it was all about.”
           “It was nothing,” Julian told her, looking back down at his work. “We just had an argument, that’s all.”
           “Just an argument?” she scoffed. “It had to be fairly important for her to come all the way down from New York to discuss it in person.”
           “She didn’t come down from New York just to talk to me. She was already in town visiting her family.”
           “Still, there has to be something going on for her to show up like that.”
           “Really, it was nothing.”
           “Methinks he doth protest too much,” Jessica muttered to herself.
           “What was that?” he asked.
           “Nothing. Forget it. Obviously you don’t want to talk about it.”
           “No I don’t,” he said sternly. “I just want to forget the whole thing ever happened.”
           “Julian, you would tell me if something was going on between you and Stefanie, wouldn’t you?”
           Looking up at her he smiled. “Jess, Hon, you have nothing to worry about. I can guarantee that neither you nor I will ever be bothered by Stefanie again.”
           “I hope you’re right.”
           “You bet your sweet a*s I am!” Julian exclaimed. “And how sweet it is.”
           “Well, if you’re lying you can just kiss my sweet a*s goodbye.”
           “I’ll kiss anything you want me to,” he winked, smiling back at her.

 

 

         The next several weeks passed quickly for Julian, as most of his time was taken up with schoolwork. The State Debate Tournament was only a few weeks away now, and it took all of Julian’s time and attention. Each day after class, he would meet with Brian and the two would work on their final speeches.
           This particular afternoon, the two were hard at work in Julian’s apartment. They had been putting the final touches on their Lincoln-Douglas case file, and cleaning up any weak or incomplete arguments. Finally, they decided to take a break and Julian grabbed a beer out of the fridge for each of them. Sitting back on the sofa, they each propped their feet up on the coffee table, and popped the tops off of their beer.
           “Hey, I went up to my Parent’s house last night,” Brian commented. “Pierre was there, dropping off some files.”
           “Oh yeah?” Julian remarked, unimpressed.
           “Yeah, and as a matter of fact, we got to talking. It seems he had quite the story to tell about his little sister.”
           “Who, Stefanie?” Julian sat up, intrigued.
           “He said that she was pregnant. Now, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Julian?”
           “She might have mentioned something to that effect,” Julian admitted, trying to sound distant. “Did he happen to mention who the Father was?”
           Looking into his eyes, Brian gave off a stern look. “Pierre said that it was some guy from the modeling agency up in New York. The one that came down with her for the Halloween party I believe.”
           “That’s what she told me too,” Julian lied, looking away. “But she said that no one was supposed to know.”
           “Just the family knows,” Brian admitted. “But to be honest, Julian, I don’t believe her story.”
           “You don’t?” Julian took a long swallow from his drink.
           “No.” Setting his empty bottle on the table, Brian leaned forward and stared at Julian for a minute.
           “You and I are best friends, right Julian?” he asked, suddenly.
           “Absolutely.”
           “Friends don’t keep secrets from each other,” Brian continued. “So you would tell me if something happened, wouldn’t you?”
           “Of course,” Julian replied, his mouth dry.
           “So cut the Bullshit,” Brian answered. “The child’s yours isn’t it?”
           Julian’s heart began to race and his palms began to sweat as he maintained eye contact with Brian. Finally, he nodded in agreement.
           “How are you handling this?”
           “I guess I’m doing okay,” Julian admitted. “I really haven’t had time to let it all sink in.”
           “Obviously she’s keeping the baby,” Brian observed. “But why all the lies?”
           “I’m giving up all custody and future rights to the baby. I’m to pretend that the child isn’t even mine. In return, she was to make sure that no one else would know of this,” Julian explained.“Especially Jessica and my Parents.”
           “She agreed to do all of this?” Brian asked in disbelief.
           “It was her idea.”
           “I guess you got off lucky,” he advised.
           “No, I’m not lucky,” Julian admitted. “I’m a miserable f*****g coward. I took the easy way out. I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.”
           Brian just looked at Julian and nodded. The two sat in silence for a moment, thinking about their discussion. It was Julian who finally broke the silence. “I think I need another beer.”
           “Yeah, me too,” Brian told him. “Me too.”