Red Cross

What i was writing weeks after i found out he tried to hang himeself

 

We used to be soft, home grown lovers. Backyard star-crossed and all that s**t. we didn't take eachother's clothes off, but i know what will catch your breath. and if you don't know by now, every night was like our last... the earth was a-buzz with whispers of our growing romance... if only they could bottle our love...well, we could save the rainforest, couldn't we? so at night, when it's just me and my dreams i listen for the tap and for your whisper. fingers like feathers. We used to dream outloud. Beat for beat. Asif our hearts were touching and our lips were locking. Your 8mm eye sockets and my bic pen blood drops. our country time love tulips. you wanted to work the earth with your hands. i wanted to type out my book...ink ribbon and clickity click. the ocean took you. for hours. and i waited. with bloody blue lips. i waited. it was all i could do for you, write those letters. because your picket fence kept me out. sometimes, it was bright eyes and elliott smith that filled in our silences. and when news of a sudden death came i wept for your loss. and for it was taking from you. and how much further you pushed me without even touching me. did our secrets pile up? because my honestly, my honesty became silence. months passed in our second year. sometimes i cried so hard it hurt to breath. sometimes i was so mad i pushed sharp objects into my skin. we've hardly spoken. i miss you more then anything i've ever lost. more then anyone i've ever lost. everything is burning up inside of me... did you give up? because all i've seen these last few days has been your shadow. hanging. and i obsess. because you didn't... you didn't try to find me. you just gave up. and tried to take your life. your life has become mine too. because "it's a we now." i don't mean to sound desparate, but i'm running out of air without you.

Author's Note

i'm not going to change this. it is what it is.

Reviews

[Mariana Silva]

That must be the most difficult poem to have written...very good you don't want to change it and that you want to leave it as it is but hopefully others will enjoy its raw emotion as much as I did.