There was a girl who thought of her own story

She thought everyone could read her mind of what exactly she was thinking 

However, some could

Some ignored it 

Some didn't care 

Some just didn't notice 

Her every move she felt was watch 

Her friends, family, boyfriend were watching too 

She was genuine 

She really did love everyone 

But sometimes with a few she felt outcasted and weird. At the same time she felt like she was doing it to herself 

She felt red faced embarrassed 

Judged 

Was it conceitedness

Was it selfish for her to think that 

In some cases i guess you could say yes 

But you see this was a damaged girl 

A girl afraid to get out of bed 

A girl afraid to leave her dorm room 

Because of that feeling that sits on your chest and burns your stomach: anxiety  

A girl who should've just helped her goddamn 

 self instead of waiting for the knight in shining armor like a stupid a*s princess or the f*****g romantic movies 

A girl who was afraid to speak up because she didn’t wanna sound crazy 

But it was just herself who was watching her from outside her body 

Astro projecting like a dream world; she actually does that in her self. Maybe one day you'll get to hear about a dream of hers 

But then it was the people in the stands at her volleyball game 

Her father watching 

A hug after the game that she loves to play 

A father who comes to every game 

A game that is now confusing to her

A father who Brings gatorade, Food 

Pretends like “everything is ok”

She asked herself how can he pretend for so long 

Realizing she does the same thing 

But staying silent for so long while also trying to be OK

But sometimes the girl breaks that glass shimmering in her face everyday just to relive it day after day. Almost like her mind almost resets with all the good and all the bad along with. Everyday experiencing that pain again.  Forgetting but also remembering. Repressing. Because she doesn’t wanna face what has to come next. Picking up those glass pieces and finding a new glass window that she bought for herself. You see though it seems as if she has a hard time with reality and time.  She is just living out everyday like its brand new forgetting the yesterdays the awesome amazing imperfect traumatizing past that at the same time wants to hold on to because she believes thats what makes her well her but shes still tryna figure out herself.