Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by Annabelle Dreams

The group of Lessers soundlessly followed the truck that gracefully drove along the outskirts, not minding that it was faster than their feet could carry them. Even as it glided further away, they didn’t worry about not seeing what was about to take place. There were so many of them, every second at least ten eyes were captivated by what slept inside.


Then the truck came to a stop in front of the Complex, and a man came out holding a gray bundle that had pink lace wrapped snug around it- the symbol for a girl. The baby in his arms gave out giggle as she looked up at him. A door near to the man and baby opened with ease, revealing her new parents that came out to meet the man on the steps.


The girl was handed over to the woman, who had silent tears swarming in her loving eyes and she gazed down at her daughter with hope that she would raise her to be a loyal follower to their leader and a caring girl. The Lessers watched from afar, but they were unable to see what the baby looked like or even whom she was given to.


The nights sky darkened, the sunless sky seemed to chuckle down at them as they strained their eyes, but they began to lose sight of which tenement was even hers. There was no moon that night to guide their eyes, nor were the electric lights on their side.


That night, they lost who she was.


But that did not stop them from being overjoyed. That young girl was their present and their future. Someday, she was going to free all the Lessers that had be wronged out from the life that they had been forced into so many generations ago.


All because she was the girl with the Gene.


It would only take sixteen years for her to have enough, for the truths that had been hidden for far too long to catch up with her. She would seek them out, and when they realized who she was, they would work together and achieve what should have been done so many years ago.


She, the girl forged from a mistake, would fight with them until they won.


The man slammed the truck door behind him, and the Lessers-- the Refusions-- cheered in a muted celebration as they watched it finish smoothly. The High Official never realized what he held in his arms, what the baby held in her veins. 


They won the first round. The High Official had looked into the baby’s innocent blue eyes, and never saw what laid deep down under.



© 2015 Annabelle Dreams


Author's Note

Annabelle Dreams
This is the prologue... I'm trying to get this manuscript ready for possible publication so please comment anything that is nice! :)

My Review

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Featured Review

Love it! I'm already hooked and want to know about "The Girl with the Gene". I wish something was said between the Lessers. A little dialogue would add more to me, not a lot of talking is necessary in this scene because your intro is very clear and interesting.

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

nice work. the way of writing was totally like a writer. has enough to make people curious to know more about the storyline.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Annabelle Dreams

9 Years Ago

Thank you!!! :)
Amazing! But you gave it away:( get me hooked a little more, drop hints that she is special, let it reveal itself. We know what her life and story will be about now, what is the point in reading about it? Make it a mystery.

You pulled me in with your world. You portrayed so much depth in just a few words. Keep it up!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Annabelle Dreams

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much! As I'm revising it again, I will change that I gave it away!! :)
Awesome start. My only hiccup: get me, the reader, lost in the world before springing the girl and her story on the reader. The setting has to be just as independently alive and important as the characters in it; one without the other is like...peanut butter with no jelly, mac with no cheese, love with no passion. You can do it, but your story and your writing would be infinitely stronger if characters and setting get equal(ish) 'screen time.'

But all things equal, great start!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Annabelle Dreams

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much, James!! I will try to fit more setting and world building in when I revise the .. read more
Love it! I'm already hooked and want to know about "The Girl with the Gene". I wish something was said between the Lessers. A little dialogue would add more to me, not a lot of talking is necessary in this scene because your intro is very clear and interesting.

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

You paint a clear picture that doesn't get lost in long-winded narration. Well done. A suggestion would be to reconsider using passive voice. Active might improve the overall voice of the speaker.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It has me hooked and wanting more. I like the word usuage and how you are creating your own universe within your story. My only suggestion is editing grammar a little more but keep up the great writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 8, 2015
Last Updated on July 9, 2015
Tags: prologue, Refusions, Lorelai, Gene


Author

Annabelle Dreams
Annabelle Dreams

TX



About
I'm a young "author-in-training" whose big aspiration in life is to be a successful author. I'm 16, a junior in high school, and I write different genres. My focus is Science Fiction (Cyberpunk, n.. more..

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