To hear you say

I want you to talk to me like a human, knowing that somewhere in both of us is the same person we were when we got drunk in my bedroom before the party, or reading under that tree as we told each other what we thought the world could be...

I would hope that hearing you say the words I've been reciting, dreaming of you saying for years, would REVERT me back to the same wide eyed child I always thought I intrinsically was... But I fear I am too used or too fond of this story... I want nothing from you... Not the years I wished on our lives together, or the apologies for the arbitrary rules I set for your actions... I wouldn't go back... Because this destruction has given me strength... I just want to apologise... For the regrets I must have caused you... For the lies I told to feel superior... For the story I tell myself of how you died inside just as much as I did...