Dependency Discrepancy

Self-Help on how to get over the one you thought you'd never have to live a life without.

As caution is thrown to the wind by those who see beyond your wall of blind compassion, fear not what you see in haze. Question not the intention of the love which you receive. Understanding does not come from taking another’s word; a bird does not successfully live by only assuming how to fly without taking the fatal step from the ledge of the nest.

When he tells you that he loves you, question not whether he means it. In the instance that the concrete words fall from his lips, through whichever form they take, he means every connotative syllable that he utters. As he slips his hands beneath the waistband of your shorts, and you feel the heat burn your skin with such intensity, question not whether you will regret it after he leaves.

When he does leave and you wait the rest of the evening for his confirmation text that will remind you that he still feels as he did before, do not neglect sleep in his wake.

When he leaves you and does not give you a reason as to why, question not your capability to survive. Question not your sanity. Question not your worth. Question not your reason to live, nor question his.

Question your music taste, and find comfort in new sounds that soothe your mind. Delve into your passion for song and the words that carry your heart into the light. Bury your blurry vision and hallucinogens with the idea that you were not enough. Bury the part of your heart that you left with a reservation card along with the thought that he deserves better than you.

Different is not wrong.

Question the receivers of your love and not whether it is strong enough. Question your priorities and sort them with what you love and hold close to you at the top and that which can hurt you at the bottom. Question your dependency on that which holds no balance, and consider  a life with that which only holds you together.

Question not whether you will be okay; question which adventure you shall begin tomorrow.

Question not whether you ever deserved his love. You deserve the world.

Demand to know why he left. Demand a reason he felt he had to discontinue the love he gave you. 

Demand the answers that would settle your self-destructing mind. Oh god, just don’t deand one to love you in return for what you give

It will tear your heart into pieces; it’ll leave you feeling as if you’re missing something that you’re not.

It’ll open the black hole within your chest and it will absorb all that you hope for.

It’ll make you feel as though there is something that you didn’t quite get, something that you didn’t do right.

It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.

Throw up if you have to, but do not force it.

Listen to angry music if it calms the storm within your mind, your heart, your gut.

Transcend into a human that you want to be.

Broken hearts are ugly and terribly real.

Cry if you have to. Scream. Hit things. Put on makeup and cry it off of your skin until you run out of tears. Watch sad music videos. Rip pictures of him. Throw them into the garbage. Light them on fire. Send him his things. Breathe. Never forget to breathe.

Question not the feeling that you get when he treats you like a stranger. It’s not you. It’s his guilt.

Let him feel guilty. Do not wish a good night’s rest on him. Do not wish him happy dreams if you do not wish to. Every tear shed on his account, every minute of lost sleep. Don’t wish anything less than reciprocation of the same.

Question not your strength; question not your faith in yourself. You will make it through.

Author's Note

I wrote this back in May, and holy shit. This is helping me still today. Let me know what you think!!