Unfixable

Can't be fixed, can't be changed.

Unfixable

I’m scared.

Scared that’ll you’ll get tired of it and leave.

I know it’s not easy for you to deal with.

But it’s a million times harder for me.

He ripped me open without my permission.

He put his body where it wasn’t wanted.

He broke me.

He damaged me.

He made me unworthy.

He left me unlovable.

He crippled by security.

He took my innocence and my hope.

He ruined me completely and deeply.

I don’t know if you just don’t understand,

or if you simply don’t care.

I’m never going to be okay with what happened.

I will always question how someone could want me, in any capacity.

I will always wonder why you’re with me.

I will always think you’re in it for the same reasons he was for that night.

I’m terrified you’ll see how fundamentally cracked I am, and say it’s too much.

You’ve already said it’s fruitless. Like I’m supposed to be fixed overnight.

Like I won’t have hang ups for the rest of my life.

Like you’re suppose to have made everything better, like it never happened.

But it happened.

I can’t escape it and I can’t change it.

I am trying my hardest to be more open, to be confident, to feel your love and care.

It’s not that easy.

It has nothing to do with you.

He broke me, and I have to put myself back together.

It could take the rest of my life.

And you’re not ready for that, are you?

Reviews

[Mr. Lopez]

I felt every bit of this. It is all too familiar to me but writing brings it to the surface like the bubbles of a boiling pot and before long... Off they go. Please read my poem "shadow hunter" it's not nearly as deep as yours but it's about finding yourself again. As always your page drips with emotion and I enjoyed it.

[Drama Child]

What beautiful yet heart-wrenching writing.. Thank you for sharing!

[EvaThornburn]

Interesting write. A pleasure to read. Many emotions expressed. Good Job. Eva

[J Todd Underhill]

I don't feel anyone can leave someone unlovable, there are too many extraneous factors for that to be the case. Good write though!