Great Expectations

Worries

Great Expectations

I’m worried. I thought I’d found the right person, and maybe I was naïve because maybe it was too early to know for sure.

He’s not who he tells me he is.

Or maybe he tells me who he wants to be, or who he thinks I want him to be.

But he always acts against what he says.

Maybe it’s nothing, the way he tells me he’s trying to quit smoking, and smokes just as much if not more than ever.

Maybe it’s nothing, the way he says he’s not really into drinking as much, and gets hammered four nights a week.

Maybe it’s nothing that he tells me he’s not into drugs, and ends a friendship because they screwed him on some cocaine.

Maybe it’s nothing.

But maybe, maybe it’s something. Maybe he’s not being honest with me, or with himself.

I want him to be healthy and safe and he might want that too but he doesn’t act like it.

He’s killing himself and pretending he’s better than that.

He’s getting my hopes up.

He’s made me think he’s different than he is.

I meant it, when I said I loved him.

But maybe he’s not the guy he’s told me he is. Maybe I don’t love the real him.

Maybe I’m just kidding myself that I could find the right person for me.

Because maybe my first love has to be just that, and has to be put in the past. 

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