The Arcarna

It was almost dark when Gabriel pulled up outside the university.  My feet ached, even in centuries of high heels my feet still ached after a day on them, when I consider what else my poor feet have had to endure it makes me chuckle to myself that a killer pair of heels is probably still the most pain they have ever had to endure.

“Sorry I am late Allsandra” he clambered out opening my door for me “There was bad traffic and I had a meeting with the council the other side of town which over ran”

“What meeting ?” I shot him a warning glance “I was not aware of any meeting today” I stepped in to the car, it was warm, comforting, like being home.  I loved the smell of the leather of the cleaning products Gabriel used, it was familiar something constant to cling to.

“No mistress, it was just a meeting of the high order, they wanted to discuss the filing systems and how we could improve them, get the new servers up to date, that kind of business, secretarial, nothing that you need worry yourself about really”, still he looked flustered about it, he was a good liar, he had to be but I was even better, something was up, something was definitely up.

We drove home in silence, I never really liked silence, I had had to endure too much silence in my life time, I liked noise, I liked being alive, it was all I had and it needed my embrace but tonight, tonight was different, I wanted the dark comfort that silence brings, the chance to wander in and out of my own mind, the chance to mingle with my own dark thoughts and make sense of the days events, of life’s events, of eternities events.  The darkness of my own mind used to scare me, it was so dark in places I was even afraid to look myself, there is so much buried in layers that I needed to sweep gently away to reveal them gleaming underneath in all the glory.  It was still raw, still painful but it could not be forgotten, memories are all I have left to keep those I have loved alive, I was their keeper, I was the worlds keeper.

The house felt different tonight, I trawled through my wardrobe but I could find nothing I wanted to wear, I felt different, I felt empty inside.  I loved Fielas and Gabriel had, had to lace a few palms to secure us a table  but I was distracted, it was him, he really had got to me. 

Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror a stranger looked back at me, dark and empty and hollow.  It was sadness, the sadness you build up after an eternity of sorrow, a sadness no one person should have to endure.  To survive I bury the sadness, lock it in a box and throw away the key but there are times, times when it longs to break free, when it longs to consume me and when it does the fire inside me will burn for an eternity in itself.

I shrug it off, I pick an easy red dress, heels, diamonds.  I tie back my hair, slick on red gloss and head out the door.  The night air is stifling, like a heavy choking cloak, perhaps I am coming down with something.

The restaurant is heaving, noisy, bubbling with anticipation and excitement, immediately it lifts my mood from the blackness, it was a wise move to come.  Gabriel can not contain his excitement when the menu arrives, he salivates over it as if it were the meal itself, his eyes dance a rapture, the take everything in as though he can almost taste the visual descriptions on the menu.  He orders  salmon followed by squid and white wine. I order soup followed by a `traditional olde Breton stew` - this should be interesting, and red wine in copious amounts.

My stew has arrived when I return from the bathroom.  Gabriel is already tucking in to his squid with pure ecstasy written all over his face, of course he would not wait for me, this is Fielas, you wait for no man here.  I smell the stew, it envelops my senses, warm and sensuous, soft and soothing, like a magic carpet it carries me off in to the night and I am transported.

It was cold and dark, Brighid huddled to her dead fathers body, shaking uncontrollably in the rain but unable to let go, she clung on as though her very own life depended on it.  She knew she could not stay like this forever the cold would take her but she was afraid unable to let go of the past unable to move forwards. 

Hours past and the night sky reluctantly gave way to dawn.  The burning village gave the sky a crimson glow, a bad omen in these parts, too late Brighid thought.As the sun rose triumphantly Brighid slipped in to unconsciousness.

It was a smell that awoke Brighid from her slumber.  It was warm, soft, a scent that rose in to sky and danced apon it.  Brighid did not know how long she had been sleeping but the soft early strains of night dappled the sky.  She felt wretched but she was alive.  Her soaking clothes had been stripped down and replaced by a heavy wolfs pelts, they felt so soft against her skin as she brushed herself against them. That scent was intoxicating, she clutched her belly it ached in hunger and that scent was so inviting.  Clutching a wolf pelt to her she stumbled towards the faint sounds and that smell.

A small group of men were gathered around a fire, a huge stew was brewing the source of much excitement and that wonderful smell, Brighid froze despite her hunger, these were unknown men, she may be in danger, but they had not harmed her and had tended her wounds and dressed her.

Moving forwards cautiously her presence was detected and  everyone in the group fell silent.  They looked at Brighid with an awe usually associated with royalty or notoriety and bowing on fallen knees before her they hang their heads. Only one rose  again and stepped towards her.

“Mistress, we are moved and sorrowful for the loss of your family and your village, we came too late and for that we are beyond sorrow itself, we are the Arcana your sworn protectors, we serve you and only you for a lifetime”

“There must be some mistake, my father and my village spoke of myths and legends of silly tales to tell small children, of the traveller who walks through the very sands of time, collecting the knowledge of the universe but this is just a myth gentlemen, I believe and am very sorry to report that you must have the wrong person.  I am just a village girl, I know nothing of the world, I only know of this village, I know nothing of protecting the secrets of mankind and of gods, I am just Brighid of Elespeth and that is all.”

“Mistress we have something for you, I believe this will cure you of your doubt” from his satchel the man drew a small stone no bigger than a palm as he handed it towards Brighid it started to glow, soft and red and first but the closer that he got the hotter and brighter that it shone. She took it hesitantly at first but then gripped it with both hands to her chest, the light was blinding, white hot like the ball of fire in the sky that warmed the land, it shot out at every angle filling the whole of the night sky as far as the eye could see then shattered in to a thousand pieces.

The ever ceaseless hands of time were still, Brighid was in the void, a place beyond the earth, a place beyond the heavens, a place beyond life itself a vacuum of time, of space, of light, of dark.  Everything and nothing all at once all that has been and all that will be, life and death have no meaning here, all exists, yet nothing exists, beyond the comprehension of man where everything that has turned to dust is claimed the void is all things.

“Allsandra, you have made a bit of a mess on your dress sweetie, too much wine ?”